Untitled for CEL

[soul.cimmerian]

Red Cars Drive Faster; Red Robins' Sing Louder

(I Work, I Eat, I Sleep, I Study, I Wonder...)

Orange Tigers Bite Harder; Orange Sky Brings Thunder

(He Works, He Eats, He Sleeps, He Laughs, He Forgot...)

Golden Years Are Calmer, Golden Bridges Cross Water

(I Don't Know Him Anymore, He Never Really Knew Me...)

[FallingLeaves]

you didn't want me;
I prefered you
and wanted you
and worked hard to try to reach you
despite tremendous life circumstances
keeping me from reaching simply anyone

then you still didn't want me
and now I still don't even know you
because you never share anything
I can consider
real

I do only what I have to,
because I don't much want to die.
And was given few other choices
this muck
is better than a life as a bigfoot.

For example.

but if only you had wanted me.

[soul.cimmerian]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

despite tremendous life circumstances
keeping me from reaching simply anyone

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

then you still didn't want me
and now I still don't even know you

If I might add my two cents - I think there's a connection between the two. Not loving ones self turns into hiding their true feelings from everyone.

P.S. How is your meditation going?

[FallingLeaves]

you're sweet

yeah maybe she is in hiding, I would hardly blame her as mean as the world is. And I haven't been any better, sometimes...

I do get a small peak at a 'maybe' sometimes... which is more than I really expect...

well anyway my meditation is going pretty well considering the predicament the spirits put me in lol! I've been feeling pretty demoralized and don't know how I'm managing .

[FallingLeaves]

if you don't mind my asking, how are things with your twin?

[soul.cimmerian]

I'm sorry you're in a predicament! To deal with the last bad situation I was in I just kept going through the motions, sticking to a routine, and hoping for the best. Something good did come along eventually. I'm sending you positive vibes to get through this.

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

if you don't mind my asking, how are things with your twin?

I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. I keep dreaming about him, that's all. There's no contact. I'm making my 680th attempt to move on hahaha.

[FallingLeaves]

yeah i was sorta getting the idea I should do that. I think itll be ok though, at least I hope so!

This isn't going to sound too nice but at some point it became obvious that part of the whole TF things was for me NOT to be able to get over her. Sigh.

[soul.cimmerian]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

This isn't going to sound too nice but at some point it became obvious that part of the whole TF things was for me NOT to be able to get over her. Sigh.

Yes I totally agree with you! I think I only worded it like that because I was tired. I miss him and still love him of course. So maybe I should use the phrase "carrying on despite some regrets." lol
From a health point of view, I feel like he is in a full on mid life crisis. I would tell him that he is still loved and appreciated.

[soul.cimmerian]

Originally Posted by soul.cimmerian

From a health point of view, I feel like he is in a full on mid life crisis.

Actually I take that back. It's kind of judgemental, and I have no proof, only a gut feeling that I may or may not trust.

I just hope he is where he wants to be in life.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by soul.cimmerian

Actually I take that back. It's kind of judgemental, and I have no proof, only a gut feeling that I may or may not trust.

I just hope he is where he wants to be in life.

it is hard to tell, with those gut feelings. I used to believe in mine pretty implicitly, but everyone keeps telling me I'm dead wrong in what I think. So I dunno if I'm really wrong or if everyone is just being contrary! So it is hard to tell.

Anyway even if he is going through that, why do you see it as a problem? It is a pretty standard thing for us guys to do .