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  #21  
Old 13-06-2019, 12:22 PM
NoOne NoOne is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BJAsapace
I'm the only person I know to have had a kundalini awakening in my life and no one I know in real life knows what it's like or how it has affected my life and mental health. All this spiritual stuff came so easily to me to understand yet it's so hard to apply it to my life only because the criticism of these voices. I even had a dream of me being in pure darkness and ascending upwards towards the light, and it was only a hole with pure light behind a figure that was looking down after I yelled out for someone to help me out of there, and this was in 2012 also. I've had bizarre dreams, dreams of going through a portal like you see in the movie Avatar when he's entering the Avatar body, heard God's voice a couple times and even been Intune with the paranormal more times than I can count. I'm far from not being spiritual, I'm just mentally ill. It holds me back from achieving greatness.

I've also had my Kundalini awakening in 2012, in December, to be exact. I know a few other people who have also had spontaneous awakenings around that time, so I think something definitely happened in the cosmic or global sense. I suspect it was the start of a new world age and those of us that are more sensitive moved into another mode of awareness around that time. Almost everyone I know who has had such an awakening suffered from some degree of health problems, mental or otherwise, as a consequence. So, you're not alone and we have actually gathered together a fair amount of useful information, not available anywhere else, on various threads. If you just search for Kundalini-related threads, you'll find them. Should you need help from any of us with similar experiences, feel free to ask.
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  #22  
Old 13-06-2019, 05:18 PM
WildHairedWoman WildHairedWoman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BJAsapace
I'm the only person I know to have had a kundalini awakening in my life and no one I know in real life knows what it's like or how it has affected my life and mental health. All this spiritual stuff came so easily to me to understand yet it's so hard to apply it to my life only because the criticism of these voices. I even had a dream of me being in pure darkness and ascending upwards towards the light, and it was only a hole with pure light behind a figure that was looking down after I yelled out for someone to help me out of there, and this was in 2012 also. I've had bizarre dreams, dreams of going through a portal like you see in the movie Avatar when he's entering the Avatar body, heard God's voice a couple times and even been Intune with the paranormal more times than I can count. I'm far from not being spiritual, I'm just mentally ill. It holds me back from achieving greatness.

I have a friend you experienced what you did years ago, and it was awful for her. She was in an airport when something happened to her and she found herself in jail waiting on her husband to fly to the city she was in to pick her up. She spent a month in a mental hospital and then years with a psychiatrist taking some kind of drugs, then she realized the psychiatrist was not helping (after years, yeah it's a clue) and she quit going, weaned herself off the drugs (I was around for that) and wrote a book. Hang in there.
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  #23  
Old 13-06-2019, 06:08 PM
Greenslade Greenslade is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BJAsapace
As much as I'd like to live in the now, and sometimes I do, I still find it hard to ignore the voices listening. It's them always hearing me that bugs me the most, it's mentally exhausting and f*cks up my energy and even feel it in my chakras. I been trying to accept myself but with the judgement from these voices it makes it hard to do so. Do you understand that? The fact I hear these voices criticising me is what really brings me down and I feel what the think of me, even at distances. They get mad at me for something I don't know how to control. It's honestly really embarrassing, you have no idea. How would you feel if people knew stuff about you that you don't want them to know? I feel naked and exposed and have no privacy whatsoever. Honestly, f*CK spirituality. I may have a pessimistic outlook on life but at least I'm honest with myself. You tell me to know myself better, well I do, especially after becoming so conscious of personal sh*t, I wish I wasn't. Like I said, I wanna be plugged back into the matrix. I never had mental health issues until 2012 and that's when I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening due to reoccuring trauma. You get what I'm saying?
I've lived with this pretty much my whole life and I still am. It's just as hard when the voices are telling you how unworthy you are, and holding onto any semblance of self esteem is a struggle. Bottom line is that under those circumstances often Spirituality adds to the confusion because...... Because often beliefs are just another area of doubt and a reason for something inside to tell you that if you need beliefs then you don't know or there's something wrong with you..
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  #24  
Old 13-06-2019, 06:08 PM
Greenslade Greenslade is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BJAsapace
As much as I'd like to live in the now, and sometimes I do, I still find it hard to ignore the voices listening. It's them always hearing me that bugs me the most, it's mentally exhausting and f*cks up my energy and even feel it in my chakras. I been trying to accept myself but with the judgement from these voices it makes it hard to do so. Do you understand that? The fact I hear these voices criticising me is what really brings me down and I feel what the think of me, even at distances. They get mad at me for something I don't know how to control. It's honestly really embarrassing, you have no idea. How would you feel if people knew stuff about you that you don't want them to know? I feel naked and exposed and have no privacy whatsoever. Honestly, f*CK spirituality. I may have a pessimistic outlook on life but at least I'm honest with myself. You tell me to know myself better, well I do, especially after becoming so conscious of personal sh*t, I wish I wasn't. Like I said, I wanna be plugged back into the matrix. I never had mental health issues until 2012 and that's when I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening due to reoccuring trauma. You get what I'm saying?
I've lived with this pretty much my whole life and I still am. It's just as hard when the voices are telling you how unworthy you are, and holding onto any semblance of self esteem is a struggle. Bottom line is that under those circumstances often Spirituality adds to the confusion because...... Because often beliefs are just another area of doubt and a reason for something inside to tell you that if you need beliefs then you don't know or there's something wrong with you..
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"Take your legacy and understand what has gone before. Make a new tomorrow in Love, Light and Faith."
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  #25  
Old 13-06-2019, 06:08 PM
Greenslade Greenslade is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BJAsapace
As much as I'd like to live in the now, and sometimes I do, I still find it hard to ignore the voices listening. It's them always hearing me that bugs me the most, it's mentally exhausting and f*cks up my energy and even feel it in my chakras. I been trying to accept myself but with the judgement from these voices it makes it hard to do so. Do you understand that? The fact I hear these voices criticising me is what really brings me down and I feel what the think of me, even at distances. They get mad at me for something I don't know how to control. It's honestly really embarrassing, you have no idea. How would you feel if people knew stuff about you that you don't want them to know? I feel naked and exposed and have no privacy whatsoever. Honestly, f*CK spirituality. I may have a pessimistic outlook on life but at least I'm honest with myself. You tell me to know myself better, well I do, especially after becoming so conscious of personal sh*t, I wish I wasn't. Like I said, I wanna be plugged back into the matrix. I never had mental health issues until 2012 and that's when I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening due to reoccuring trauma. You get what I'm saying?
I've lived with this pretty much my whole life and I still am. It's just as hard when the voices are telling you how unworthy you are, and holding onto any semblance of self esteem is a struggle. Bottom line is that under those circumstances often Spirituality adds to the confusion because...... Because often beliefs are just another area of doubt and a reason for something inside to tell you that if you need beliefs then you don't know or there's something wrong with you..
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"Take your legacy and understand what has gone before. Make a new tomorrow in Love, Light and Faith."
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  #26  
Old 13-06-2019, 07:54 PM
M.Tesla M.Tesla is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BJAsapace
If I planned this then I f*cked myself big time. If I planned this, what the f*ck was I thinking? Some divine plan.

How does one go back to the "unspiritual" state of mind? The spiritual side of things makes sense, it just makes it so much worse than it has to be in my opinion. I don't want to be conscious anymore. I'm like that guy in the matrix that wants to be plugged back in.
Spiritality is a broad topic. What are your spiritual interests, the ones that are preventing you from feeling normal?

I've been thru this. I had ( possibly still have) schizoaffective. When I was unmedicated, I saw some really crazy things, and heard things that were not really being said, and had delusional beliefs.

Anyway what I found that helped is energy work, and the right medication. Plus, it took about ten years after my disagnosis to find a sense of normalcy in my self and life. I am now symptom free, even from depression. I suggest for you to try learning healing techniques for the emotional, spiritual, mental, and body. Because some of it probably is a spiritual issue as well, not just a mental illness at least that's how it was for me.

You could learn reiki and do self healing sessions and see if it improves anything. You could learn quantum healing techniques. I find both of those to be effective, as well as EFT tapping sessions.

Dontbe too attached to the mental illness label , you're better off just being the best you possible.

For the voices, try to tell them to get out or if they're saying negative things about you that make feel bad, just be like "who cares?"

I hope some of this will help. :) As a side topic, last time I heard a clear voice, was about three years ago, I remember that day so we'll because I was going through some emotional purging, and while letting myself cry, I seemed to be attacked by a voice. It was a extremely loud demons voice screaming. So loud I got dizzy. But that was the end of it. I wanted to tell you this, because there is hope and a light at the end of suffering.. take care :)
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  #27  
Old 14-06-2019, 01:23 AM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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I think there is this thought that 'being spiritual' means having certain desirable feelings, along with 'right' relationships with others.

These kinds of things are usually denied to those who are mentally ill... but at the same time it seems that what IS accessible to such people is a vast improvement over what the more 'normal' people are stuck with. In terms of true spirituality... because almost by definition you are going to be called mentally ill if you have certain shall we say experiences that others don't have and then try to share them... so the mentally lot is full of people who sense more...

That said, it still sucks that one doesn't get the 'right' feelings and it sucks even more that ones relationships with others are all screwed up. If I had a choice in the matter I suppose I would choose 'normalcy' as well and just ignore this lot... but I don't get that choice so I'm stuck exploring the unexplorable... I do find it somewhat compelling when I'm not ruminating over what I lost to get here...
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  #28  
Old 14-06-2019, 07:43 AM
EdmundJohnstone EdmundJohnstone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenslade
Actually it's not that hard to feel Spiritual when you have a mental health issue, I am border-line schizophrenic from ma childhood trauma and I used to work in Mental health. Go back to your reasons for being Spiritual - what do you want out of it? If you think Spirituality will help your mental heath issue then you're barking up the wrong tree, spirituality awakens you to your inner world and when it does there's no gong back. If you thought Spirituality would cure you....

The other thing to look at is your definitions - what does the word mean to you, personally? For most people it means something separate from the 'mundane' as you called it, and that doesn't help if you already have a mental health issue because all it does is put you at odds with yourself.

You're trying to cure yourself by trying to not be yourself, and this is where it all starts falling down. You can't run away from what you have inside, whatever that may be. Until you start not hating yourself..... Spirituality and mental health tend not to be good bed partners. It's not easy to consolidate beliefs in your mind when there's head chatter going on. I literally lost my temper with my voices and they settled down a bit after that.

This is probably more common than people think it is, because past issues and even those from childhood can affect us long into adulthood. If you're feeling guilty about them then I'm guessing you don't like yourself very much. That's not a good basis for being 'mundane' never mind Spirituality. What might help is Googling "Teal Swan Shadow Work", she and a few others have excellent guides for delving into the Shadow Self and finding the root of these kinds of things. It's a good a start as any but you have to be prepared to be brutally honest with yourself.

When you start acknowledging who and what you are and begin to find ways of accepting yourself things might just start turning around for you.

Again you're at odds with yourself and that's not a basis for finding a way trough all of this. If you want some Spirituality here then you could start living in the Now and not project yourself in front of or away from yourself. What are the the reasons your thoughts don't align with who you want to be? Because you'd rather be someone/something else

Cool story. Truly with respect if I may ask.You stated as above that you have been diagnosed with borderline schizophrenia, and that you also worked as a medium.My question is how do you know that what you experienced as a medium were not illusions from schizophrenia? (i.e voices that only you can hear, touching that only you can feel, images that only you can see etc). Or that anyone that has spiritual experiences isn't in fact having illusions from mental illness?
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  #29  
Old 14-06-2019, 08:23 AM
NoOne NoOne is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EdmundJohnstone
Cool story. Truly with respect if I may ask.You stated as above that you have been diagnosed with borderline schizophrenia, and that you also worked as a medium.My question is how do you know that what you experienced as a medium were not illusions from schizophrenia? (i.e voices that only you can hear, touching that only you can feel, images that only you can see etc). Or that anyone that has spiritual experiences isn't in fact having illusions from mental illness?

If I may chime in...

I've never had the experience of hearing voices, but I did have telepathic communication with entities, or deities rather. Such communication is rather unreliable and often prone to misunderstanding, as well as wishful thinking. Often you only get thoughtforms, images, intentions and emotions, which you must then try to put into human language as best as you can. It is not dissimilar to poetic inspiration, but there are certain signs that it is more than that and an outside person is involved, from whom the message originates.

In my case, telepathic communication is the least of it, there is a physical presence, including touch and an exchange of energy, though the deities in question are non-physical, they still have a form that can be best described as liquid light held in shape by an electromagnetic field. The sense of touch is still just as real as that coming from any physical person.

This is still only a subjective perception of one person. It becomes an objective reality, when other people perceive the same thing. This has happened to me a few times, whereby the deities I interact with visited others, touched them, spoke to them, performed healing or energy work on them etc... That was the point I knew for sure it wasn't just all in my head. Still wouldn't satisfy a strict empricist-materialist type such as Richard Dawkins, but it's good enough for me.
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  #30  
Old 14-06-2019, 10:38 AM
Jaraja Jaraja is offline
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Hi sorry to hear you are struggling, have you had professional help? I have had dealings with this so know what you are going through. The bottom line is that if you struggle with day to day reality adding more concepts might not be helpful at this time. I wish you the very best and hope things improve for you.
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