The god within us all

[JustBe]

Understanding my own conditioning when it came to god matters, I was greatly influenced by all those god fearing, god believing, god is the way humans.

As I child growing up I never had the space in myself to explore, understand what god truly meant to me. The space I craved to understand my reality, works, fears and conditioned ideas, never truly opened in me, due to a tight catholic upbringing, a close knit community tied to those same beliefs and systems. I became my own lost cause.

Lost in a sense of not being able to find myself, list I’m not being able to find a way out of this skewed unhealthy mess in me. Lost in ways, fear didn’t allow me to explore beyond those bounds tied heavily to my mind and being.

Now as this person, I’ve found as myself, I listen to others, who hold strong beliefs, strong ideas of god matters, who place god under a banner of their own creation. As this empty vessel now, I look into it all and see how my own childhood came to be. I understand through the whole stream of my own layers, layered over me, layered over continuously by the emotions, beliefs, skewed views and patterns of others.

These layers laid in me, over me, reinforced by my ingrained fears, created a menagerie of ideas about what god and reality was all about.

About face. The turnaround to walk back in time, meet all this, meet all of myself as others created, meet those layers, meet those points where everything conditioned in me, had yielded a plethora of intermixed, entangled webs of my own mind/body/spirit true authentic nature.

The walk became the walk to meet myself. Face to face with me. In mind/body and now spirit.

In many ways I’m an apprentice in spirit training. A newbie on the block of all matters pertaining to god, spirit and this beautifully connected web it creates as this place we know as earth. This place I’m learning is everything I am. This place I now know is everything I make it to be. Is everything I now experience as myself. The true me. The one who now sees through eyes of clarity, eyes that see life as life is.

In this awareness of this person I am now, I place myself under no banner, idea of what I am. I realize I am experiencing myself aware and open, to what I once was, aware and open to what I can experience now. Clarity bestows upon you the ability to see things as they are. I experience myself as I am.

The wisdom of deeper understanding, that comes through me, has many creations unfolding. Everyday creations that I see now, through eyes that just see, emotions that just feel, a sensory arrangement that no longer contains itself, holds itself to anything, moving outside of myself. All these views have become a movie of sorts, a moving array of realities all intermingled, yet all so intricately connected to each other and myself.

Within all these realities I co exist, I am transported through my own past/present/future self as they are. I see myself in it all, yet I am myself, a little piece amidst this grand creation.

As I witness my earthly unfolding in this light, I am also bearing witness to the unfolding of life through all past/present/future creations. The continuum of life that moves as we all move, that creates as we all create. That sees and listens as we all see and listen. That lives and dies through endings and new beginnings.

As I notice myself aware. I bear witness to this power of creation, the power of my conditioned mind and my unconditioned mind, the power of my disconnection and my interconnectedness, the power of not belonging and the power in belonging, the power in fear and the power of love. And as I release myself from all power, I understand my own ignorance, I understand others as they are in theirs. I understand I believed god to be something important at the centre of all this, something to be feared at the core of myself, something I can no longer contain as I am, because I realize I am the one creating everything as I am.

I am the one that now realises , what I bear witness to, what I create is only about me. The reality where I now reside in myself. A reality that I understand is built by my connection to myself and all life.

The god within us all.