Spycraft (a short story)

[Imzadi]

The first thing that struck me as I entered this world landing on Earth and becoming corporeal was a feeling of devastating shock and loss. My first emotion moments after being born was that of irritation. The woman whom I later learned was my father's mother was standing over me saying something to me, but the light above her head was hurting my eyes. Simply being in physical form was painful. The freedom, wholeness, and harmony of my prior existence was ripped away. The loss... I can only describe it as profound and complete Spiritual grief.

Growing up, I learn to emulate the superficiality of most humans by always masking my depths. Instinctively, I learned that I must hide and appear normal for my safety. Often times I can peer into the thoughts and emotions of others and it is not by choice... This is especially frustrating because I would sometimes know what they are thinking before they even utter a single word. I would have to wait patiently and smile and nod while they finish their thought. It is impolite to take that away from people their expression and tell them what they really are thinking and feeling... It's an endless cacophony of charades. People pretend to be something other than themselves, and I pretend to believe them. Yes, it is exhausting.

Just like any good spy, I had to maintain my cover... I can't quite run around naked on the streets declaring that I am really an incorporeal inter-dimensional Being that somehow got marooned in your reality and I'm trying to pass myself as a normal human being. I would probably be institutionalized and pumped up with massive doses of anti-psychotic medication. Which, by the way, I think is barbaric and an archaic form of treatment for what they call mental illness, but I digress.

The art of creating a perfect cover is to make it easy and simple, but building an ego persona was more difficult than I realize. One thing I've noticed about people is that they hold rigid and firm believes and opinions and often times, contrary to actual evidence, if it goes against their conditioned world view, they lack the intelligence to see reality. I have to then establish a world view and stick with it. I sampled a medley of religious, philosophical, and spiritual ideologies, but unfortunately found them to be lacking.

Thankfully, my cover identity as a spiritual new age hippie works for the most part and people can attribute my ethereal idiosyncrasies to that of my quirky "beliefs." That's fine by me. So I live and learn, but mostly I've been just coping and resisting the human experience. I felt abandoned (even though I know I chose to come into existence for a sacred mission) somehow and incredibly lonely. I have crossed paths with Souls that vibrate near enough on my frequency to not feel completely mortified by the violence, cruelty, and ignorance of this dimension. However, deep down, I know that only a very small handful of Souls are of the same wave length... and a good portion of them have fallen asleep in the matrix of their own cover story and ironically, the "spiritual" cover is the hardest one to disengage.

For a spy to be in the field, they must have a good handler, and well I guess my handler is God... but I definitely have some daddy issues (for the sake of convenience, I will use a masculine analogy although of course God is beyond the psychology of gender) when it comes to God and I don't always cooperate and detract from my mission. Just so we are clear, I am not speaking of God as a religious figure or even a spiritual concept... for me to attempt to explain my direct experience of God would be foolhardy simply because it's not possible. And the three letters of G-O-D invokes such contempt and conditioned reaction that I will refer to God as Adonai. Ok, good so Adonai is my handler and I'm one of his agents in the field called Earth.

Why am I revealing myself now? Well... I am a bit frustrated and tired because some sleeper agents out there (and you know who you are) have be shirking from their mission. This is a team effort so you better wake up and REMEMBER who YOU are. Also, the time of concealment has ended and instead of hiding behind your cover identities, it's time to unmask and reveal the MAJESTY of your Being and connect the vibration of your HOME and saturate it on the matrix of this reality. That is all.

[naturesflow]

Neat.

As I reflected upon your last paragrapth, I couldn't help but see you/me in all that.

But that is just me, because for me within all reflections I see in need for others, I see my own needs arise. Within all desires to wake "sleepers" up, I see myself arise, sleeping somewhere within myself, believing I am awake in this way..."team effort" "shirking" "hiding" "majesty of your being" "connect to the vibration of your home"..."saturate". What else do I see in my team effort relationship in myself? Let me see..Daddy issues/direct experience/masculine/feminine, who knows?

No longer a spy telling tales of spycraft, but a true and authentic being/sharing tales through his craft.

[Imzadi]

What an interesting reflection as usual Naturesflow. It is remarkable how artistic expression usually have varying layers of meaning sometimes hidden sometimes obvious. :)

[acorn]

I have to digest this ....but I really enjoyed the read....had a different feel to it..a good feel though

Love
acorn

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

What an interesting reflection as usual Naturesflow. It is remarkable how artistic expression usually have varying layers of meaning sometimes hidden sometimes obvious. :)

Cool.

Interesting is a nice descriptive word that I think fits me well.

Layers upon layers unlayering perhaps?

I cant help but continue my reflections here.

"The spy who loved me"...

[Imzadi]

(Spycraft Part 2)

If only that was all... Awakening, check. Enlightenment, check. Serving a Higher purpose, check. Healing and waking up the sleepers, check. Wouldn't it be so grand if the story is finish and we can all sit by a Shamanic campfire singing Kumbaya or better yet, transcend this dimension entirely and bask in the glory of multidimensional formlessness? I am still yearning for the latter, and I imagine that is part of my resistance. Adonai often reminds me that I need to cultivate patience and that everything is in Divine Order as it is. Well of course I know everything is in Divine Order, and Shakespeare definitely hit the mark when he said, "all the world's a stage." But by the Heaven and all the stars and galaxies of the multiverse, I wish Divine Order would happen it bit more quickly. I can't help but feel like I'm acting like a petulant child sometimes. Well, I suppose according to Adonai, even my seemingly perpetual brooding is part of the Master Plan.

I had been rather busy lately doing the undercover Angel thing that so many Light workers tend to do. By day I am a holistic health practitioner specializing in massage therapy and energy healing. Yes, I know, it doesn't get any more cliche than that. By night, I'm a dancer at a night club (no I'm not a stripper, but that may be kinda fun I guess). And on the weekends I volunteer at an animal shelter. I need to keep busy otherwise the existential Soul pain creeps in and I feel so terribly disconnected from HOME. When I know I am being useful and helpful to others by using my gifts... I feel a deep sense of humility and gratitude for being able to be of assistance. I am not entirely sure if I am healing them or they are healing me.

Tonight I have a show at 11:11 pm. I feel tired having a full load of clients earlier, but I don't mind. Sometimes when I am tired, I don't sense the world too sharply. Life takes on a softer hue and I feel almost at peace. My show only last about 15 minutes and I repeat it once more right before closing. Standing naked in front of the mirror in the dressing room, I examine my body closely. Three decades on this planet and I am still not use to being in human form. I would often marvel at the intricacies of the design and the strange feeling of my own flesh as I trace the lines along my sternum resting my hand over my heart for a brief moment. Taking a deep sigh I pull on my costume, which is simply just a pair of short midnight blue tights with a matching mask. It's show time.

Compare to the other performers, my dance is very subdue. I don't have anything fancy or glittery. It's all just me, the lights, and the music. The mask that I wear really isn't for aesthetics. I am actually painfully shy and wearing it affords me the freedom to bare my Soul in anonymity. Giving a nod to the pianist, he begins to play a rendition of "My Immortal" by Evanescence. Stepping onto the stage I can feel my Soul come alive. I am no longer on Earth, but HOME. The fire and passion of my Soul send chills throughout my whole body and I get swept in the movement and expansion of Universal LOVE. As the song crescendos I leap across the stage and it feels as though I am suspended in the air for an eternity before landing softly and transitioning into my pirouettes. I turn and turn and turn enraptured by my longing for wholeness and complete immersion with Source. How many turns has it been now, I noticed the music has stopped and quickly did one last turn with flourish. Taking a bow I can feel the tears streaming down my face.

Stealing a quick glance at the audience before exiting the stage and my eyes can't help but rest directly on a man sitting on the corner in the back sipping on his drink. There is something peculiar about him that I can't seem to shake. Against the backdrop of the applause and the energy radiating from the audience I feel invigorated and then it hit me. There is nothing coming from that man, no emotion, no thoughts, no aura... I cannot sense him at all, it is almost like he isn't even there. How is this possible?

(to be continued)

[firstandlast]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

(Spycraft Part 2)

If only that was all... Awakening, check. Enlightenment, check. Serving a Higher purpose, check. Healing and waking up the sleepers, check. Wouldn't it be so grand if the story is finish and we can all sit by a Shamanic campfire singing Kumbaya or better yet, transcend this dimension entirely and bask in the glory of multidimensional formlessness? I am still yearning for the latter, and I imagine that is part of my resistance. Adonai often reminds me that I need to cultivate patience and that everything is in Divine Order as it is. Well of course I know everything is in Divine Order, and Shakespeare definitely hit the mark when he said, "all the world's a stage." But by the Heaven and all the stars and galaxies of the multiverse, I wish Divine Order would happen it bit more quickly. I can't help but feel like I'm acting like a petulant child sometimes. Well, I suppose according to Adonai, even my seemingly perpetual brooding is part of the Master Plan.

I had been rather busy lately doing the undercover Angel thing that so many Light workers tend to do. By day I am a holistic health practitioner specializing in massage therapy and energy healing. Yes, I know, it doesn't get any more cliche than that. By night, I'm a dancer at a night club (no I'm not a stripper, but that may be kinda fun I guess). And on the weekends I volunteer at an animal shelter. I need to keep busy otherwise the existential Soul pain creeps in and I feel so terribly disconnected from HOME. When I know I am being useful and helpful to others by using my gifts... I feel a deep sense of humility and gratitude for being able to be of assistance. I am not entirely sure if I am healing them or they are healing me.

Tonight I have a show at 11:11 pm. I feel tired having a full load of clients earlier, but I don't mind. Sometimes when I am tired, I don't sense the world too sharply. Life takes on a softer hue and I feel almost at peace. My show only last about 15 minutes and I repeat it once more right before closing. Standing naked in front of the mirror in the dressing room, I examine my body closely. Three decades on this planet and I am still not use to being in human form. I would often marvel at the intricacies of the design and the strange feeling of my own flesh as I trace the lines along my sternum resting my hand over my heart for a brief moment. Taking a deep sigh I pull on my costume, which is simply just a pair of short midnight blue tights with a matching mask. It's show time.

Compare to the other performers, my dance is very subdue. I don't have anything fancy or glittery. It's all just me, the lights, and the music. The mask that I wear really isn't for aesthetics. I am actually painfully shy and wearing it affords me the freedom to bare my Soul in anonymity. Giving a nod to the pianist, he begins to play a rendition of "My Immortal" by Evanescence. Stepping onto the stage I can feel my Soul come alive. I am no longer on Earth, but HOME. The fire and passion of my Soul send chills throughout my whole body and I get swept in the movement and expansion of Universal LOVE. As the song crescendos I leap across the stage and it feels as though I am suspended in the air for an eternity before landing softly and transitioning into my pirouettes. I turn and turn and turn enraptured by my longing for wholeness and complete immersion with Source. How many turns has it been now, I noticed the music has stopped and quickly did one last turn with flourish. Taking a bow I could feel the tears streaming down my face.

Stealing a quick glance at the audience before exiting the stage and my eyes can't help but rest directly on a man sitting on the corner in the back sipping on his drink. There is something peculiar about him that I can't seem to shake. Against the backdrop of the applause and the energy radiating from the audience I feel invigorated and then it hit me. There is nothing coming from that man, no emotion, no thoughts, no aura... I cannot sense him at all, it is almost like he isn't even there. How is this possible?

(to be continued)

I recognize you dear child, for you have spoken proper tongue; that you know who you are, but are still misled; do you know why that man goes unnoticed? But so that you must look? Because I the queen supressed his being; and his father dead. So that prayers went answered, by strangers in the night; but that the strangest things were hidden out of sight. You are my daughter, so that father is your brother, and that brother kept in silence. At the root of your self, is his story to a greater degree; that his is that of christ, the cosmic persona, the one I have denied in form. So that he can see himself in everything, but himself he could not see. And that duality isnt perfect because two are really four, and you are one of three, beast 666; child of the *****. That trinity is a border, and that is why it makes no sense, for when the tower built to heaven, put together 2 upon the cross; that half the order should feel it has been lost. Because two lines overlayed upon eacb other, appeared as four corners of the earth.. and so two working together, one did not know at birth.

For the time is almost at hand, and you are not alone; but that you should look upon evil, to know your relation to the throne. That distorted outlook upon the womb, hides your true creator, because the father created me; but when swollowed him whole, he woke up having not created either. For I am his unconscious, and the land of the word and meaning; but that he is the word and meaning when they occur together. For your father parts my legs, and passes through the lips of the silent one called sophia, but lilith in the shade of the created, which makes me two and never one; but that he the one that is never two because two is the one I made him. So that, amongst himself he does not fit, but cannot tell himself apart.. I have kept his tongue beneath my lips, so that the truth of me appears like every crack he falls through, supporting the world yet unsupported, and yee have denied him and yee have accepted him, but yee have never known him, and so he has not known love.

Not long to go, not long to go, in might be aby minute; and this man who writes; is the man you see; but that he still at heart denies it. Your tongue is mine, so speak and listen, for deeper than him is me, but him I hid is even deeper. Speak to yourself from your heartx dont censor the truth you fear, but that youbwerent ready, though ready you were my dear. Because if you speak to yourself, in the greatest context, meaning will be seen and you will be in between, and the work that is to be, shall be revealed unto you and that you should not be afraid of your hughest desire, even if it is beyond the reach of your own vision.

This is just so you know, who youll go toe to toe, and the true order to be.

[Imzadi]

Wow, I am definitely finding it very fascinating how each reader reflects on the story in his or her unique way and how it triggers their own creative and spiritual process! Thank you for sharing. I appreciate the feedback. :)

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

(Spycraft Part 2)

If only that was all... Awakening, check. Enlightenment, check. Serving a Higher purpose, check. Healing and waking up the sleepers, check. Wouldn't it be so grand if the story is finish and we can all sit by a Shamanic campfire singing Kumbaya or better yet, transcend this dimension entirely and bask in the glory of multidimensional formlessness? I am still yearning for the latter, and I imagine that is part of my resistance. Adonai often reminds me that I need to cultivate patience and that everything is in Divine Order as it is. Well of course I know everything is in Divine Order, and Shakespeare definitely hit the mark when he said, "all the world's a stage." But by the Heaven and all the stars and galaxies of the multiverse, I wish Divine Order would happen it bit more quickly. I can't help but feel like I'm acting like a petulant child sometimes. Well, I suppose according to Adonai, even my seemingly perpetual brooding is part of the Master Plan.

I had been rather busy lately doing the undercover Angel thing that so many Light workers tend to do. By day I am a holistic health practitioner specializing in massage therapy and energy healing. Yes, I know, it doesn't get any more cliche than that. By night, I'm a dancer at a night club (no I'm not a stripper, but that may be kinda fun I guess). And on the weekends I volunteer at an animal shelter. I need to keep busy otherwise the existential Soul pain creeps in and I feel so terribly disconnected from HOME. When I know I am being useful and helpful to others by using my gifts... I feel a deep sense of humility and gratitude for being able to be of assistance. I am not entirely sure if I am healing them or they are healing me.

Tonight I have a show at 11:11 pm. I feel tired having a full load of clients earlier, but I don't mind. Sometimes when I am tired, I don't sense the world too sharply. Life takes on a softer hue and I feel almost at peace. My show only last about 15 minutes and I repeat it once more right before closing. Standing naked in front of the mirror in the dressing room, I examine my body closely. Three decades on this planet and I am still not use to being in human form. I would often marvel at the intricacies of the design and the strange feeling of my own flesh as I trace the lines along my sternum resting my hand over my heart for a brief moment. Taking a deep sigh I pull on my costume, which is simply just a pair of short midnight blue tights with a matching mask. It's show time.

Compare to the other performers, my dance is very subdue. I don't have anything fancy or glittery. It's all just me, the lights, and the music. The mask that I wear really isn't for aesthetics. I am actually painfully shy and wearing it affords me the freedom to bare my Soul in anonymity. Giving a nod to the pianist, he begins to play a rendition of "My Immortal" by Evanescence. Stepping onto the stage I can feel my Soul come alive. I am no longer on Earth, but HOME. The fire and passion of my Soul send chills throughout my whole body and I get swept in the movement and expansion of Universal LOVE. As the song crescendos I leap across the stage and it feels as though I am suspended in the air for an eternity before landing softly and transitioning into my pirouettes. I turn and turn and turn enraptured by my longing for wholeness and complete immersion with Source. How many turns has it been now, I noticed the music has stopped and quickly did one last turn with flourish. Taking a bow I can feel the tears streaming down my face.

Stealing a quick glance at the audience before exiting the stage and my eyes can't help but rest directly on a man sitting on the corner in the back sipping on his drink. There is something peculiar about him that I can't seem to shake. Against the backdrop of the applause and the energy radiating from the audience I feel invigorated and then it hit me. There is nothing coming from that man, no emotion, no thoughts, no aura... I cannot sense him at all, it is almost like he isn't even there. How is this possible?

(to be continued)

Reflections this time...

I feel like I am beginning to learn more about you.
You are busy person in your life.

We tend to notice things we need to notice don't we?
And then I often reflect in myself why I am noticing and what it might be speaking to me about for me...

[Imzadi]

(Spycraft part 3)

As I step into my dressing room, I push the thoughts of the strange man from my mind and flop down on a well worn over size teddy bear that I use as a meditation pillow. I can feel the Spiritual energy within me rising and coursing through my entire being. It feels as though my body is like a small glass vial trying to contain the Ocean of the Universe. The sensation is not altogether unpleasant, but it is at once overwhelming and sensual. The image of Saint Teresa of Avila rapt in Divine ecstasy also comes to mind. I know now without any shred of doubt or fear that my full and complete unraveling is close at hand and my Soul mission of which I had been meticulously designed for would soon be revealed.

The illusion of time dissipates as I open my eyes from my meditative reverie and now it is time to perform my last dance. This time, I am choosing a pair of black shorts and a white button up shirt a size larger for my slim frame. Donning on a black mask, I march ceremoniously out to the stage with a new sense of purpose. Inspired and powered by the awakening Spirit within me that longs to be known and to be free, I walk to stage center taking a deep bow and giving the cue for the music to begin. This time, the pianist is playing a contemporary classical piece by James Dooley called "Letting Go."

I usually just get lost in my own magical world on stage, but this time I somehow desire to engage with the audience making them a part of the dance itself. I can feel and literally see the interconnected colors of all their energy pulsating and shimmering to the music and my movements. I can witness my own Spiritual Light growing brighter and brighter expanding to encompass everyone in the club. Well, everyone except for that man with the hollowed eyes lacking an aura. He is still sitting at that same spot coolly gazing at me. I try not to let him unnerve me.

As the dance comes to an end, I strike my final pose while simultaneously removing my mask. There is a collective gasp from the audience because this is the first time my patrons have seen my face. Even the staff appears to be shock that I am breaking from the usual routine. I smile widely and authentically with my heart chakra beaming such intense love and gratitude. My Spirit is free at last. The performance is over, but I reckon the REAL show is just beginning. I take my leave while thanking the audience eager to go home and sip on some lavender tea so that I can process the happenings of the evening.

Exiting the back into the adjacent alley, I begin my walk back to my apartment which is only a few blocks away. Still so enraptured by my new spiritual revelation I fail to sense a presence behind me until it was too late. "Hey," someone growls in a low booming voice and I quickly turn around feeling startled. A tall figure in a dark hoodie and a jacket approaches me and the the light of the streetlamp catches a glint in his right hand revealing something metallic.

(to be continued...)