My Mom is driving me crazy

[silent energy]

My Mom is driving me crazy and because of that I'm not proud of the way I treat her. She is a very stressful person who constantly worries and I feel like she unloads her stress onto me. I can't take it and so I snap on her.

My whole life growing up her and my Dad constantly fought each other and since there both deaf it gets really loud. Both of them complain about the other to me and I tell them I don't want to hear about it. My Dads an alcoholic so he gets very stubborn and won't leave me alone and my Mom comes to me constantly nagging and worrying. I tell her I don't want her to bring her negative energy near me but she doesn't listen. My stress levels rise whenever she's near me.

Also, she likes reminding me how much she worries about me and all the stress I bring her. When I make mistakes or go through hard times she takes it worst than I do. For instance, a couple of years ago I lost my two front teeth due to me being a drunken idiot and had to get expensive implants that I ended up paying for. But just recently I chip off a piece of one of the implants and what worried me the most wasn't the cost to get it repaired but the reaction she was going to give me. So I did my best to hide it but she eventually found out and went bezirk.

Also, I'm the kind of person who isn't very talkative. I enjoy peace and quiet and solitude but she always wants to talk to me about everything. And when I tell her I don't want to talk she complains I never talk to her which is true.

Because of our difficult relationship I'm disappointed in the way I have treated her. I try to be calm, patient and accepting of the way she is but I fail miserably. I often get fed up and lose my cool and yell at her, telling her to shut up and to leave me alone. I feel bad afterwards for the way I treat her and because I'm not a better son. I'm not there for her. I'm not someone she can talk to. And because she's deaf and I'm not that fluent in sign language its hard for me to communicate with her.

She's not a bad person and I love her but I don't know why I just want to be left alone. I don't want to hear about her problems. I just don't want to talk to her. I feel like when she's talking to me she's draining all of my energy.

Has anyone else had this kind of relationship with a parent?

I can relate trust me best thing to do is separate yourself from the situation if you are adult find a roommate if you are a minor find a relative to take you in for time being. You wont fix this being close to her separation is a must cause you need stable ground to completely look at the situation and see it for what it is.
I also confirmed with a card reading.
1st card is the past and your feelings and what you need.
It is the Hermit card...The need to go within to gain knowledge, to own ones divinity. Withdrawal to better contemplate life's direction. At this time, your needs are not so focused on relationships with others, but rather on your relationship with yourself. You need to be alone to see clearer.
Card 2 represents the present "The Chariot" Movement into the next phase of life. If you are feeling impatient, don't worry--transitions will go smoothly, as if you are being pulled by the twin forces of fate and fortune. Career advancement. Card 3 Two of Pentacles:suggests the future,The ability to juggle several situations at once jobs, opportunities, ideas. Balance between the earthly and the spiritual and between you and your mom. You cannot achieve this though without listening to the Hermit.
Card 4 suggests an overview It is "The Devil" now this card has many meanings for you I am getting this strong "Something deep and dark within the psyche, what Jung termed the shadow, is personified as temptation or addiction. Sensual desires. Gluttony or envy. Experiencing the envy of others. Feelings of lack of control. " Meaning the one thing you don't want is to turn into your mom. Be aware of pitfalls and jealousy.

You will never forgive your family until you forgive and understand yourself and where these feelings are coming from.

[silent energy]

Thanks for the reading and advice, Occultist. Ill just add that I already did move out. These problems arise when I visit or when she visits.

Originally Posted by MindOverMatter

My Mom is driving me crazy and because of that I'm not proud of the way I treat her. She is a very stressful person who constantly worries and I feel like she unloads her stress onto me. I can't take it and so I snap on her.

Common in the Western World ~~~~~

She unloads the stress of a lifetime of false assumptions, she knows no other way. Use this ! Use it too unmask the false assumptions she planted in the garden of your mind when you were too little to understand not too~


This is a bit of a process and it will get tougher before it becomes easy. Still, there are methods which bring the toughness closer yet milder than otherwise. Kind of like: A storm is coming your way, it is intensifying now, and will arrive in 6 hours at which time it will unleash several tornadoes which will destroy the town and injure all in it. You get in you car and drive towards the storm BEFORE it manifests the tornadoes and keep driving THROUGH it until you get to the sunny side of it all~


A good place to start : "Teach Only Love by Gerald Jampolsky " , Journal your thoughts as you study it , reflect on them(face the storm and move through it), CHOOSE! Choose to hold onto the thoughts you are writing or Choose Love and Let them go! This is known by all those who GROW through this as told in "The Shadow Effect by Chopra, Williamson, and Ford"~

My whole life growing up her and my Dad constantly fought each other and since there both deaf it gets really loud. Both of them complain about the other to me and I tell them I don't want to hear about it. My Dads an alcoholic so he gets very stubborn and won't leave me alone and my Mom comes to me constantly nagging and worrying. I tell her I don't want her to bring her negative energy near me but she doesn't listen. My stress levels rise whenever she's near me.

Gandhi hated cigar smoke ......
So whenever he sat down with Winston Churchill he would light his cigars.In this way he overcame his hate of cigar smoke. If you run away from this , it will manifest in other relationships. The only sane choice is too face it , though I cannot tell the outcome, you may have to leave further away...... that is not the point, to leave without running is too be free of this fear. You will not be able to change either of them, but you can change yourself so this pattern does not go forward any longer through your family line. Your RESPONSIBILITY is in transforming yourself from victim into victor!

Also, she likes reminding me how much she worries about me and all the stress I bring her. When I make mistakes or go through hard times she takes it worst than I do.

then..... stop sharing what you perceive as mistakes~

For instance, a couple of years ago I lost my two front teeth due to me being a drunken idiot and had to get expensive implants that I ended up paying for. But just recently I chip off a piece of one of the implants and what worried me the most wasn't the cost to get it repaired but the reaction she was going to give me. So I did my best to hide it but she eventually found out and went bezirk.

So ..... she acted like a drunken idiot. Unchecked Emotion leads to rage which is quite like a drunken state. So you could see Peace in this. What?? How??!! After you got the New Teeth , did you not watch closer what came out of you lips? Did you not GROW because of it? If not, go duplicate that night and see for sure. So ..... you both have weakness which leads to poor choices. Learn Great choices while coming to terms with this "The Mystic Path To Cosmic Power by Vernon Howard", and in your case "The Power Of NO! by Vernon Howard".

Also, I'm the kind of person who isn't very talkative. I enjoy peace and quiet and solitude but she always wants to talk to me about everything. And when I tell her I don't want to talk she complains I never talk to her which is true.

She wants to "rehearse" her pains and pain pattern. She believes her self to be this, she is addicted to her misery. She is a Great Teacher in how NOT to live. Emotionally painful nonetheless......

Because of our difficult relationship I'm disappointed in the way I have treated her. I try to be calm, patient and accepting of the way she is but I fail miserably. I often get fed up and lose my cool and yell at her, telling her to shut up and to leave me alone. I feel bad afterwards for the way I treat her and because I'm not a better son. I'm not there for her. I'm not someone she can talk to. And because she's deaf and I'm not that fluent in sign language its hard for me to communicate with her.

"Guilt" is another process to be undone. "A Course In Miracles by Foundation For Inner Peace" is a good way to do this, though it takes a yearlong commitment.

She's not a bad person and I love her but I don't know why I just want to be left alone. I don't want to hear about her problems. I just don't want to talk to her. I feel like when she's talking to me she's draining all of my energy.

Has anyone else had this kind of relationship with a parent?

Old age, pain and illness will become your Mothers Teachers. What Teachers will you choose?

[Dragonfly1]

Maybe its time to move out, this will give you the peace and quiet you are craving.....Your mother deserves respect, and if you move away, you may come to appreciate your mother and see her in a completely different light.

From your words it seems like she's copping bad treatment from two sides, you and your father......life must be hell for her......at 22 (i looked at your profile) you aren't a child you are an adult and should be making your own way in life........I feel you need to stop looking at your needs so much, and try some compassion, look at life from your mothers point of view....what you are doing to her is hurting her as she loves you and most likely turns to you to vent, because otherwise she'd go crazy....I often talk with my children, but I also listen to their problems too..(it frustrates me no end, how their lives are at times, cos i can't do anything about it, Im sure they feel that way about me also at times, but never show it to me) its all about caring, and making time for each other......we're supposed to love our family unconditionally, but unfortunately it doesnt work that way.....I hope that whatever you decide to do, it works out for all involved, and you can come together in love and respect in the future.......many blessings to you ......

[ragdoll]

This is a very narcissistic family model, where the parents rely on the child for their own fulfillment in some way instead of the other way around. Yes she can have compassion for her mom and dad and try to solve their issues, but like you said she is an adult...and so are they. If she has the power to move beyond them, which she does, they have the power within themselves to move beyond this, but they have chosen not to and are trying to keep her within their circle of dysfunction because they are afraid of what will happen without her. So they are pushing her away and trying to keep her near at the same time. Her mom is saying that she is the source of her stress and putting that guilt weight on her but at the same time wants her near to talk about HER stuff and HER things without respecting the fact that she (original poster) doesn't want to, and then pushes the issue until it becomes an argument.

MindOverMatter I think you need to establish boundaries by saying if I do talk to you I do not want to talk about how stressed you are or how I stress you out, and I do not want to talk about dad, and I do not want to talk about this or this or this, and then ENFORCE IT. If she breaks those rules, get up, and walk away. Walk out of the house if you need to. You will come back, but your mom needs to realize you are not her personal dumping ground and your relationship cannot be based on negativity. You can't solve your problems for your mom, she has to do that herself.

I would work on trying to get out of that situation and hopefully the distance between you all will allow you to heal and for your mom to heal too.

[Xan]

Matt... If it were me I would let go of worrying about your mother and how you feel you're treating her, and get deeply into a forgiveness process. It can have some surprisingly results.

Here's a thread on the subject: The Power of Forgiving - http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=3683


Xan

[silent energy]

Thanks everyone for your input.

Its very hard for me to explain what my Mom is like. She is a very stressful person who worries constantly 24/7 and she learned this behaviour from her Mom. She died when I was young but from what relatives told me she was a very grumpy woman. Always mad, people rarely saw her smile. And she worried and nagged alot. She ended up getting really sick having multiple strokes and living the last several years of her life in a hospital like a vegitable. I tell my Mom that stress is not good for her health. I try to teach her about energy, thoughts and emotions and the power they have. I bought her 'The Power of Now' by Tolle for Christmas and she read it and told me she enjoyed it. But I'm not sure she can change. Constantly worrying about money and the future and her two kids and being in the same house as my Dad where they both go at it is not a healthy environment for her.

With that being said, I agree with what Occultist had to say and the reading was dead on. I need to learn to love myself and forgive myself because I don't think I like myself too much. I've realized now why these last 3-4 years have been so lonely. Its because I need to be with myself, heal my self and learn to love my self. I do feel like I have a shadow side which isn't very nice and I need to heal it.

Thanks again for your two cents, everybody.

PS I'm a male not a female lol and I have moved out

[silent energy]

Thanks for the link, Xan. Just what I needed.

[psychoslice]

Parents can be a really drain, especially if they themselves haven't grown up, they are no different than most people who have their inner problems, they carry their emotional junk through their life and usually dump it onto their children, their children if not alert then carry it onto the next generation, it maybe time for you to put your foot down and tell them that you have had enough of this childishness and that you are not going to take it any longer, be aware that you yourself don't carry this toxic wast onto your children, just kick it in the butt and be free.