Grief - how long

[Belle]

Thank you for the kind and loving replies, I'm touched and moved.

Grief is often a taboo in society, the world demands that we do get on with life and indeed we have to get on with life, and I do, I enjoy my life for the most - which is normal.

A friend of mine put it beautifully. She said that she could not bear the thought of never having the physical presence of her father, never being able to sit with him again. She had been bereaved a considerable time relative to me, but even so, she was still wracked by that sentiment and I think that is what it is part of it.

I know he is with me from the spirit world, i sense him with me but it is not like the physical presence, it leaves me unfulfilled and heightens the missingness.

And when he is mentioned, it is as if he is summoned but he isn't there and he won't ever be there.

Thankyou for the kindnesses. It means a lot.

I am sorry for your loss. As Native spirit said it is not enough time.
I lost my father 8 years ago and yes the emotions have change but sometimes even a smell brings up some memories and tears are coming down. Just let them flow do not keep this emotions stuck is not good.
I lost my son also and 30 years later even now just thinking of him tears are rolling down but life will go on. And you will learn to be happy since as you know they are always with you.

[Michelle11]

(((HUGS)))

[Belle]

Thank you so much - I am by and large happy and it is just every now and again that something pierces my heart. I missed him yesterday I heard him in the wind and the clouds - I want to talk about him but that's not so easy.

Grief is a process ...
There is no set time for grief to end ...
It generally ends when a greater understanding of the relationship has resonated in the best possible way ...
The process is about is about examining the person/relationship w/all the hurts, anger, truth & good times - what could've been done better, etc ...
That, of course, does not mean you will stop missing him as well as shedding tears here & there ...
The grief over my mother was more like a spring shower; it was sporadic b/c we did not have a close relationship ...
Since she was not on my mind 24/7 as was my deceased husband, my emotions were not triggered often ...
They were inside, not buried, but on stand by for that one reminder of her that would bring up the grief to work through it ...
My grief for my late husband was a grueling 24/7 experience of constant pain - the difference is it never let up & I had to work w/my grief every waking moment ...
The grief over my mother would just pop up here & there ...
And now that I think about it, I should've mentioned this in the beginning ...
Whenever I felt a knot in stomach, I purposely triggered grief to get it out ...
I know this sounds sucky, but believe me I use to have to this - my grief buddies & likened this to picking at a scab ...
Set a time & place solely for grieving - look at pictures, recall memories, touch his belongings if you have any, etc ...
It had to be done, otherwise, we'd feel the angst ...

It is absolutely true that grief is treated as taboo ...
Grief is one the greatest lessons we will ever learn from ...
It provide the opportunity to learn so much about ourself, our core, our faith & what we are made of - what love means to us ...
Most importantly, it teaches us how to use our strength, faith & courage to free us from our darkest hour in changing the way we view life ...
To find happiness, contentment, purpose ...
Blessings as you make this transition ...

[revolver]

Maybe there was some unfinished bussiness, if you can work that out and deal with that it may release you from its hold ?.

[Star Wolf Medicine Woman]

I have to say Belle that reading this thread has made a huge lump in my throat and a tear in my eye.. I know just how you and the other members on this thread feel.. I lost my dad just 2 1/2 years ago and my mum 2 years ago...
It is something that we all go thru eventually and we need time to grieve and it is as long as a piece of string.. People say 'You have to let go' ok but we have them in our memories and in our hearts.. all of us deal with our own grief in our own way.. They say time is a great healer.. I just hope that will be the case for us all.. Blessing to you all...

[Belle]

Originally Posted by revolver

Maybe there was some unfinished bussiness, if you can work that out and deal with that it may release you from its hold ?.

Unfinished business. Well, yes there was but that was dealt with on his passing. In fact, he didn't leave me alone from a couple of days after he passed in order to work out the unfinished business. It was already forgiven by me as I was aware of the story but I think he did need to have a word.

He came again to me today. Yesterday I was listening to the radio, a bit earlier than expected and one of the tunes he played on the piano came on. I - coe to think of it it was one I learnt. I absolutely adore that piece of music. It popped into my head later today and I sighed and smiled and carried on.

It's strange. The music was Handel - Harmonious Blacksmith. It's a jolly little piece. I know he wanted me to give a message to mum but I don't feel comfortable in doing so and if he is true in spirit then he won't feel angst that I don't feel comfortable in doing so and will understand.

I sense peace with his presence which is nice - the presence I had when he had died was anguish but he is happy - as I've got the harmonious blacksmith playing via you tube!

but, I'm not going to spend the rest of my days playing this on youtube so he can be content.

Originally Posted by Belle

Unfinished business.
but, I'm not going to spend the rest of my days playing this on youtube so he can be content.

You may want to re-think this for your own benefit ...
I detent some unfinished business ...
Something you may possibly still be angry about? Or wish you would have heard him say to you?
Just think about what you are feeling about him - feeling your emotions brings the reality of the relationship to the forefront ...
The illusion is in thinking all is resolved when strong reactions can still be stirred ...

[revolver]

Originally Posted by Belle

Unfinished business. Well, yes there was but that was dealt with on his passing. In fact, he didn't leave me alone from a couple of days after he passed in order to work out the unfinished business. It was already forgiven by me as I was aware of the story but I think he did need to have a word.

He came again to me today. Yesterday I was listening to the radio, a bit earlier than expected and one of the tunes he played on the piano came on. I - coe to think of it it was one I learnt. I absolutely adore that piece of music. It popped into my head later today and I sighed and smiled and carried on.

It's strange. The music was Handel - Harmonious Blacksmith. It's a jolly little piece. I know he wanted me to give a message to mum but I don't feel comfortable in doing so and if he is true in spirit then he won't feel angst that I don't feel comfortable in doing so and will understand.

I sense peace with his presence which is nice - the presence I had when he had died was anguish but he is happy - as I've got the harmonious blacksmith playing via you tube!

but, I'm not going to spend the rest of my days playing this on youtube so he can be content.

Yes it certainly sounds like you have dealt with that, my mum died at 54 from cancer, we are all different and we all grieve in our own way and our own time. Just like a wound to the body it also needs to heal in its own time, and emotional pain is no different. I now have left my mother go and I am much more happy, but at the time I had to do what I needed to do, I hope the pain you have will soon be healed, so as you and your dad can move on.