Downplaying importance of connection. Perhaps still resisting

[LC2488]

I'm not quick to drop the line of someone being a twin or even a soulmate. I typically just say they're someone that's important or at most, a soul connection. I'm in an interesting situation however. Gonna be a long one. Sorry lol.

I went to this school with this young woman in my grad program. We both studied Clinical Mental Health Counseling. There were 2-3 times where I was drawn to her but resisted. I could've interacted with her, and I did want to interact, but I didn't. But on graduation night in May, after hearing her speech, I was blown away. It was that moment I knew I was making a mistake and stopped resisting. However, due to a matter my mom needed me for, I didn't get to speak to her in person that night. So I knew a classmate who had her number, and once received I messaged her (which happened to be on the 11th day of that month). And I just let her know I how thought of her speech, and just telling her she has the potential to be a motivational speaker. I told her how I regret not speaking to her and that this will change. I mean it was straight from the heart. What I said brought her to tears and the feeling was mutual. She talked about how I had a powerful presence that she felt every time I was in a room. Which makes me think she wanted to approach me too. And for what its worth, not just her speech, but her command and presence is what couldn't allow me to resist any longer.

And let me tell you we clicked instantly. Conversations were effortless in a way I haven't had from anyone. We've messaged a few times all day before, and I can't stand texting. Phone conversation just felt electric. She expressed how we must hang, which naturally I agree. The thing is we haven't gotten to hang out because matters have got in the way for both of us, but mostly her.

Last week, I wanted to ask her out but had delayed because she was stressing out. However, I was concerned something wasn't alright so I messaged her. She said she was great. I wasn't sold by asking is she sure? Then she told me about how much she had been going full steam ahead to the point where her best friend and boyfriend where trying to get her out the house. But when I saw boyfriend, I dropped my phone. And instantly, for no reason, I literally was sick to my stomach. I started throwing up. I tried to talk to my friend, but I was struggling because I was throwing up and had some shortness of breath... all in the midst of crying. The next day I didn't eat and was still sickly. We had a talk though once I said I wanted to ask her out. It was mature. No awkwardness. Respected and applauded my admission saying that it was courageous. I told her I would distance myself because I didn't know her man would be cool with the consistent communication we have. She assures he is and that she has told him all about me. She did say she would understand as she doesn't want anything to be weird. She still expresses how much she hopes to hang out. The feeling is mutual and I couldn't end the friendship no matter how much it stings, because I never experienced that feeling before. I just have respect for what she has. It's someone she's known since she was 20. Dated for 6 years. They got back together a year ago. And part of me wonders had I not resisted then, I could've been that guy. And as much as I'm still really into her, I want her to be happy. So it's bittersweet. And I'm only going to be tested whenever I am around her.

In my time of talking to her, I've noticed things that are interesting connections to our lives. People thought she was intimidating. I've gotten that same response when I'm really just focused or thinking. And it's funny because neither one of us sees intimidation. The fact that she has picked up on my presence, which is something I noticed of her too. She has said pride is her biggest weakness, which I can relate too. I even correctly guessed why she is prideful, because it's the same reason for me. I already mentioned how we're both in a field for helping improve the quality of people's lives by being counselors. Before that, she majored in PR and I majored in journalism. Pretty complementary fields. I learned her mom was in danger of dying during her pregnancy. While my mom nearly died after I was born. And then as a bonus, numerology speaking. She's life path 1 and I'm an 11. Put them together and that's 111. Which is more weird because as i aforementioned, I spoke to her for the first time on the 11th day of the month.

So now I'm sitting here. I'm not gonna distance myself like I thought because I really enjoy talking with her and vice versa. I thought there was gonna be obstacles such as distance, because she was gonna move from Chicago to Atlanta (which was what I worried about most). Or maybe even age/social status. She's 32 and accomplished, and I'm 25 trying to kickstart matters. But for me the biggest obstacle of them all is her being taken. Which again I'm happy for. But that's why I say it's bittersweet, and now I'm visiting the idea of me downplaying this importance of her in my life. . Sorry for the length of this. But this has been a number on me.

[ForeverRestless]

DO NOT distance yourself. Live in love instead of fear. These connections would result in far more unions if both parties were courageous enough to follow their hearts rather than their conditioning. Unfortunately, giving your power away to society's conditioning can result in irreversible damage to your relationship with the most important person you will ever know--your Twin Flame. Do not make the same mistakes that I and my Runner made with each other. We're both flailing around in our lives as a result, but both trying to make the most of it. You're at the beginning now. Proceed wisely. Speak your truth. Act from the heart.

[LC2488]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

DO NOT distance yourself. Live in love instead of fear. These connections would result in far more unions if both parties were courageous enough to follow their hearts rather than their conditioning. Unfortunately, giving your power away to society's conditioning can result in irreversible damage to your relationship with the most important person you will ever know--your Twin Flame. Do not make the same mistakes that I and my Runner made with each other. We're both flailing around in our lives as a result, but both trying to make the most of it. You're at the beginning now. Proceed wisely. Speak your truth. Act from the heart.

I realized not to distance myself. And even if I wanted to, I’m too deep in to do so. If I distanced myself, it would be worse. I only even suggested it because I didn’t know how her man would take it. And if he was ok with it. I wanted to show respect because even though I have great love and appreciation (And me even saying love feels resistant after three months because I have been fighting that notion too) for her, even if I’m not the guy, I want her happy.

[LC2488]

I even forgot to mention one habit we both have and that’s listening to music in the dark at night. She was so surprised I did that. She would say she’s been doing that since she was 14. And in my initial message to her, I quoted an artist that I didn’t even know she was fan of. She admitted this later on.

[Seenthelight]

Thank you for sharing what sounds to be quite an emotional rollercoaster, regardless of the status of the connection - but you are right, it is a connection. One that has had the most profound effect on you.

Firstly - I don't feel as if this was a massive deal but you mentioned it nonetheless, stating you are 25 and she is 32 and accomplished. My son is almost 25 and just completing his masters degree whereas his 32 year old girlfriend is an accomplished and published academic with her own house. Never let age get in the way.

She clearly feels a deep connection with you - even if she has got a current partner. What you have to ask yourself is: what kind of relationship do you truly want. From what you say, you appear to want the romantic life-ever-after kind of relationship with her? Ask yourself why. Explore your answers from all angles. Is that the kind of relationship you truly want?

What Forever Restless said actually blew me away. My connection and I are both in long term 19/20 year relationships/marriage (I also have a family). Out of love and respect for my husband I never acted on how I felt but also because back when we worked together (over 7 years ago) I was unsure what I wanted. Every now and then I think back to What if...? And go over things again and again in my mind. But even now I still swear I did not want a romantic relationship with him.

What I have with him - at least from my p.o.v is this incredible connection - as you describe the 'powerful presence in the room', it is something beyond words, beyond explanation. After 10.5 years since meeting him, I still cannot define it other than 'it is what it is'. And that drives me crazy at times.

I don't regret not following through with anything because each day I am reminded how thankful I am to have my beautiful husband by my side, but still I play over and over in my mind what this other person would say if I was to try and describe how I am feeling. The truth is though, I don't know how I am feeling because there are no words!

But yeah - holding back because of society's conditioning - I want to be friends with this guy, hang out but No. Because two people of the opposite sex who are both in relationships with other people is a big societal no-no. I know he would resist it because of fear of what his other half would say. I think my husband would be more accommodating but perhaps it is also my own motives that I would question...

[LC2488]

Originally Posted by Seenthelight

Thank you for sharing what sounds to be quite an emotional rollercoaster, regardless of the status of the connection - but you are right, it is a connection. One that has had the most profound effect on you.

Firstly - I don't feel as if this was a massive deal but you mentioned it nonetheless, stating you are 25 and she is 32 and accomplished. My son is almost 25 and just completing his masters degree whereas his 32 year old girlfriend is an accomplished and published academic with her own house. Never let age get in the way.

She clearly feels a deep connection with you - even if she has got a current partner. What you have to ask yourself is: what kind of relationship do you truly want. From what you say, you appear to want the romantic life-ever-after kind of relationship with her? Ask yourself why. Explore your answers from all angles. Is that the kind of relationship you truly want?

What Forever Restless said actually blew me away. My connection and I are both in long term 19/20 year relationships/marriage (I also have a family). Out of love and respect for my husband I never acted on how I felt but also because back when we worked together (over 7 years ago) I was unsure what I wanted. Every now and then I think back to What if...? And go over things again and again in my mind. But even now I still swear I did not want a romantic relationship with him.

What I have with him - at least from my p.o.v is this incredible connection - as you describe the 'powerful presence in the room', it is something beyond words, beyond explanation. After 10.5 years since meeting him, I still cannot define it other than 'it is what it is'. And that drives me crazy at times.

I don't regret not following through with anything because each day I am reminded how thankful I am to have my beautiful husband by my side, but still I play over and over in my mind what this other person would say if I was to try and describe how I am feeling. The truth is though, I don't know how I am feeling because there are no words!

But yeah - holding back because of society's conditioning - I want to be friends with this guy, hang out but No. Because two people of the opposite sex who are both in relationships with other people is a big societal no-no. I know he would resist it because of fear of what his other half would say. I think my husband would be more accommodating but perhaps it is also my own motives that I would question...

Hello seenthelight,

Thank you for reading. I wasn't going to let age get in the way. I mentioned it because I know we both are in different stages of life right now. When she did tell me she was taken, I did tell her I wanted to ask her out. She appreciated me mentioned this when I could've let it "bypass" and that it took much "courage" to do so. Those were the words she used. Yes, what i wanted was a long-term relationship because I believe we would be powerful together. However, while some people drop off altogether because it was either all-or-nothing (which is understandable), I knew she brought too much the table. I was never not going to be her friend if things didn't go as planned. I was never not going to hang out with her. I just wanted to show respect for her relationship. She appears to be happy, so I wasn't gonna stand in the way because I didn't get what I wanted. In fact, I know it would be worse if I said I couldn't be friends.

I know I'm going to get tested. Not even just tested the more we communicate and when we do hang out. But because if things continue to work out with them, eventually marriage and kids will occur. And I know that's going to be a blow. I'm not going to pretend it won't be. I don't easily find myself drawn to the opposite sex like this. She doesn't know this, but the fact that I was drawn to her tells me she really has it going on... and i'm not even referring to physically. It had to be an intense connection. Intelligence, ambition, passion, positivity, infectious energy, adventurous, presence, strength, willpower. A lot of the same qualities I see in her that's in me. It's been a rough job search for me this summer, and she continually gives off this motivating vibe. This I-believe-in-you that I'm used to telling people I know who need to be uplifted.

[LC2488]

Recent update: While I feel lher name is a common enough name for women, I have been seeing her name a lot lately. It’s been through various outlets like gaming, television or in public. We even both had recent situations where we escaped danger, by chance, that could’ve led to us being seriously hurt or even dead.