BOUNDARIES!

[august2803]

Hey guys! People-pleasing and boundaries have always been my biggest challenges. When i want to confront someone i rationalise not doing it as the best solution. Lately my biggest confusion is with people telling me what to do/wanting to control me. I hate it. It is like i always have to be on the watch, my parents etc cannot let go of thinking i am a little boy.

Things like: "Take this" while giving me stuff to hold. "Turn on the light" etc.
I decided not to confront my grandmother when doing some gardening because she was paying me, do you think i should?
And what about people saying "hold this" etc. am i being touchy?

Greatly appreciated I cannot be grateful enough for the responses I get on this forum. Thanks to all!
- August

[Little Creek77]

I need more details on this. As of now "hold this seems" to be not a big deal. What makes you think they think you are a little boy? Need more info.

Originally Posted by august2803

Hey guys! People-pleasing and boundaries have always been my biggest challenges. When i want to confront someone i rationalise not doing it as the best solution. Lately my biggest confusion is with people telling me what to do/wanting to control me. I hate it. It is like i always have to be on the watch, my parents etc cannot let go of thinking i am a little boy.

Things like: "Take this" while giving me stuff to hold. "Turn on the light" etc.
I decided not to confront my grandmother when doing some gardening because she was paying me, do you think i should?
And what about people saying "hold this" etc. am i being touchy?

Greatly appreciated I cannot be grateful enough for the responses I get on this forum. Thanks to all!
- August

It's difficult to reply without doing the very thing you don't want people to do - suggesting what you should do!

But fwiw don't take any notice of those who do this unless you perceive a benefit in doing what they ask or they simply want some local help. Saying "please" helps. It's good to help in small ways as you never know when you might want similar help but if someone persistently demands and doesn't return the favour then turn away. If someone's paying you there's an implicit "contract" and it's up to you whether you fulfil the obligation or not. Renege and you may find you won't be asked again.

Originally Posted by august2803

I hate it. It is like i always have to be on the watch, my parents etc cannot let go of thinking i am a little boy.

The problem with boundaries is that they often become high walls to hide behind,

You did know that you can receive what's given to you any way you choose, didn't you? And that it's as bad to take offense as it is to give it? What you're looking at is control and that your parents can't let go of you being a boy. There are some things only a parent understands and this is one of them I understand quite well, my daughter is never going to grow up even though she has a son at school now. She's a woman but she'll always be my little girl. It's a dad thing.

Are people trying to control you or are they just trying to keep you right? Perhaps to them you could use a little guidance. The secret to understanding this though is to look at what they're trying to do and perceive yourself from their perspective, and taking another look at yourself. Energy flows where the attention goes, if you're always on watch you'll always see it, but is it you not letting go of thinking your parents treat you like a little boy?

[mihael_11]

You should develop higher, beyond others telling you what to do, so it doesn't come to situation, where this happens. It is annoying, i know, when someone says to you, do this and it is like you shoud do it, but it makes no sense to you why.
You should come to point where you can say, hold it yourself without they effect you. I did achieve this.
But after that i cannot explain what is beyond that becouse i don't know.

[august2803]

thank you:)
It is just me developing as a man and it seems kind of weird to me that i have developed if i should call it that, become my true self more and then im still treated like a boyslave sometimes:/

Originally Posted by august2803

thank you:)
It is just me developing as a man and it seems kind of weird to me that i have developed if i should call it that, become my true self more and then im still treated like a boyslave sometimes:/

Development is an on-going process. What you're looking at here is your own perceptions of how others are treating you, so welcome to your true self. These are the choices you make, the reality you create.

[dream jo]

i am a lonr lonerr i am i lk my spase 2 mush i do wear i can thng 2 hear spirt wen thy need w me i do

[MicroMacro]

Originally Posted by august2803

Hey guys! People-pleasing and boundaries have always been my biggest challenges. When i want to confront someone i rationalise not doing it as the best solution.
- August

Wanting to confront comes from a different place than choosing not to.

Where do you think it comes from and what do you think happens when you shoot it down with rationale?

Your self is telling you that something isn't jiving right in terms of how you feel you're being treated. Acting on that tactfully takes practice. And courage.

The only way you'll be satisfied - over the long term - with how you respond to others when you feel they're not treating you respectfully or ---fill in the word--- is to practice your responses in real time with people as things happen. Every person. Grandma too. Practice practice practice. No one will break.

[r6r6]

MicroMacro--Wanting to confront..

A form of engagement.

comes from a different place than choosing not to.

Avoidance or disengagement.

The only way you'll be satisfied - over the long term - with how you respond to others when you feel they're not treating you respectfully or ---fill in the word--- is to practice your responses in real time with people as things happen.

No doubt that practice makes perfect and the with age{ experiences } comes wisdom of what works and what does not work for each of us.

I have co-worker is has mental dissability but he is always calling or directing me with his finger/hands to come over to him becuase he has something to say.

He does approach me to talk me tho, but It is annoying to me 50% if the time that he is always directing me to come to him to hear what he has to say. Cirumstances alter cases, depending on what he or I am doing specifically in the moment{ working }, yet much of the time he could be approaching me more often if he wants to talk to me instead of directing me to come to him.

I treat him nicer then the most of the other employs, and have told him, I dont mind his this or that, as long as he is not getting in my pathway and block my avenue of work.

r6