fallen things

[epoch]

I've noticed a few threads on the subject of incarnated angels. After having read through them I realise there are some widely divided opinions and thoughts on exactly what constitutes an angel, an Earth angel, lightworkers or other entities that may have incarnated on the physical plane, and whether or not it's possible. I came here with the intention of searching for affirmation or answers because I feel desperately alone and I don't know where to turn or how to evolve past this point of abject isolation and uncertainty.

I can't find any clear indication of why I'm stranded here, except that I did something terrible in a past life and I've been imprisoned in a cycle of physical incarnation as a punishment. That's what I keep returning to. I feel utterly despondent. I know the concept of karmic reincarnation has similar connotations, i.e. one continually incarnates because we become entrenched in patterns of negativity that have to be broken or transmuted, but that's not what I mean. I think it applies to me in the same way it applies to anyone as a basic but inextricable spiritual component of physical existence, but it feels as though - and the information I receive is indicative of - something of a more punitive nature.

I'm also conflicted because I don't generally subscribe to a Judeo-Christian framework of reality, but I keep returning to concepts that relate back to Biblical stories and ideas. Specifically fallen angels and the events that unfolded in a prehistorical context, but I remember it somewhat differently.

I can remember huge cities, ancient technology - complex machines with internal mechanisms that functioned on a vibratory level, like clockwork with shifting frequencies of specific letter-sounds which also had a corresponding numerical value and could be rearranged to produce countless combinations, which directly affected and created matter. I know that angelic names are impossible for humans to pronounce, because even the frequencies that represent their names are multidimensional and aligned in such a way that we would need to be able to emit all of the sounds at once, like playing piano chords. The way we speak, enunciating every syllable, sounds incredibly slow and thin.

I have memories of being part of the company that came to Earth to share technology and educate humans, and how it went wrong in some way, like we weren't supposed to be interfering, or it became twisted because over time we were affected by a kind of hubris and arrogance when humans began to worship us as deities. I can see clearly the expressions of hysterical adoration on the faces of people we ended up deceiving and I remember the giddiness of that sense of control. There's a stark contrast between a physical experience of power and the reality of true spiritual power because there's no concept of addiction in the spiritual realms, and that was what it was like.

I know this probably sounds ridiculous or like I'm suffering from severe schizophrenia, and I'm aware of that possibility; it's something I struggle with, wondering whether or not I'm just completely nuts and that everything I've experienced is a symptom of mental illness. I don't like to rule anything out because I don't want to become swallowed up by a psychotic delusion, if that turned out to be the case.

Most nights I have very intense dreams and astral projections. I have spontaneous trance channelling episodes and produce writing on the nature of the universe and how it functions on a vibratory level. When I was a teenager I had some kind of intensive breakdown/awakening that almost completely incapacitated me with psychic phenomena. I get random signs indicating that I might be something of an angelic nature, for example, I was present when a local lightworker and tai chi teacher was giving a talk about angelic vibrations - she singled me out of the room, looked straight at me and said, 'does any of this sound familiar?', I replied yes, it sounds like you're describing me... and she went onto say, 'you have very high angelic vibrations.' Once one night I was feeling distraught and confused and begged for a sign to show me if I was an angel, then suddenly the window started lighting up with bright flashes; I went to look and there was a huge thunderstorm over the city, a cloud illuminated internally with massive strike of lightning, and it was completely silent. There was no thunder at all. It was one of the most surreal things I'd ever witnessed, and I thought it was at the very least a suspicious coincidence to have occurred immediately after I was asking for a direct sign.

But my life has been one of repeated trauma, abuse, addiction and loss. My behaviour has at times been incredibly antisocial, narcissistic and selfish, and while I've experienced more than my fair share of abuse, I've also been abusive, even while in the midst of immensely profound spiritual experiences. I can't see where being an angel or lightworker would fit into such an abase narrative, unless the source of it was indeed that I was one of the misguided fallen. I feel utterly devoid of God, and I shift between not believing in [Him] at all, desperately trying to communicate/pray, or seething with resentment towards [Him]. The punitive measures exacted against those who rebelled is outlined quite clearly. But again, I don't believe that the Judeo-Christian describes reality in a way that aligns with the full spectrum of existence... I can't see how the universe can be reduced to one often very myopic religion (or religions; since the Abrahamic trio have a lot of direct parallels).

So I don't really understand what I'm experiencing in that context. Or what I'm doing. What the point is. I feel so empty and alone, and I don't know why I have all these experiences and receive all this information because there's nowhere to direct or apply it. The only reason I haven't taken my own life is because I can't rule out the chance that I'll just end up reincarnating and have to do it all over again.

[Jaroon60]

Yes. It is difficult. You will feel alone. As do I and many of us I think. You are good at explaining your life. That is a good thing. You can change then. You are aware of mistakes. Being connected to the spirit world is a egocentric thing I find. It is about YOU. As it is supposed to be.

[Smoreslover]

It's 3am for me so I am heading to bed but I wanted to let you know that I don't think you are crazy and I don't think your being punished for anything. What your remembering sounds like possibly a combination of past lives and random understanding of how the universe works.

I myself have heard of the idea of angels and other beings that are able to speak through different sounds and tones that we would not even be able to hear correctly and unable to recreate.

As for your story for bringing technology to men, that could be a past life your remembering or something that happened in another dimension. There's other possibilities that other people will probably suggest too.

You sound like you think you are not "worthy" of being a being of light just because you have had negative experiences. But being a light being is not about being automatically pure. It's about defeating the darkness within and shining kindness to others who need or want it. You don't have to be perfect, just grow into a better person day by day.

P.S. You probably would reincarnate due to you more then likely making the choice to be here last time and wanting to try and complete whatever you wanted to accomplish here.

[Carnate]

I think there's a lot of parallels between what I believe to be our history to be, and how you're describing things.

However, there's something of a disconnect between aspects of your self-perception in relation to your past lives. By this I mean the idea of you associating with both an angel and a technologically advanced being who intentionally deceived humanity in some way.

From my understanding, the only/primary negative beings that impacted us in the past were the Greys. And they didn't really have human followers during that time. A rogue group of Greys may have had more recent negative (technology based) interactions with humans, but here (as far as the theory goes) it was more of a trade agreement than awe/subservience relationship.

It's worth mentioning that many of our cultures today are based on alien interaction in our history.. the Native Americans were influenced by the Pleiadians, Egyptians the Sirians, the Chinese the Dragons, for example. These interactions formed the basis of many of their religious and cultural habits. But in each case, the influence was positive.

Granted, there is an aspect of 'negative' influence by what's considered the luciferian rebellion, but again, this isn't strictly negative in the sense of restricting humanities progress; it's simply promoting progression in a not-so-appropriate manner (by using technology rather than spirituality). It may be that you associate with this group, but any resultant karmic debt would not be punishment... the karmic energies would result in positive/beneficial spiritual progress. And it's worth clarifying that Angels would not fit with this group; having no access to physical technology.


What I think is happening with you, is that there are a number of lives you are partially remembering, and some of these are from other planets/races. This may be causing you some confusion when you try to interpret them as being based on Earth. There's also the chance that you've been doing a lot of research into your origins. You are taking on board things that you read, and may be starting to believe they apply to you in specific ways.

It may be best to simply accept that you are the way you are. You will not have any life events that you are not capable of handling. Any negative events are chosen (by you) to help you progress spiritually; there's some benefit in experiencing these things. These events are not punishment for past misdeeds. And it doesn't matter what your spiritual origins are.. what matters is what you do now and where you are heading.

Rather than look to the past to try to understand/account for your current circumstances, look forward in terms of how you are benefiting from your current life circumstances.

Man, I feel sadness when I read your words; I am sorry that you are going through this

Pray to God the father (and his son Jesus if you feel like it), that he may forgive you and show you the light. He can see into our hearts and if our intentions are pure, he blessed us

[epoch]

It makes sense that I could be recalling a series of past lives either here or on other planets and or dimensions, and confusing them.

I guess I feel like it’s punitive because the sense of being stuck and isolated is so intense that I can’t make any sense of exactly what I’m supposed to be learning, and repeatedly asking for answers without any clear response feels cruel, rather than being in a neutral position of positive/negative development based on karmic debt. I’ve reached a point where I’ve lost everyone in my life and I don’t want to go on like this, and any attempts to rebuild some kind of social interaction either end in a huge mess or cripple me with anxiety.

Perhaps I’m conflating the Luciferian rebellion with angelic entities since they’re referred to as such in Biblical texts. Is that a matter of ancient people having no other way of describing them?

[CrystalSong]

With your psychic awakening at a young age you could have great access to the Akashic Records (record of all times), much of what you describe of your memories matches well to that. When we see/hear/feel the records it's easy to think it's somehow related to us - why else would we see it right?
However there's a danger in thinking all things we see in the Akashic are about us or a past life.
Imagine walking into the library in your town and reading a few pages from every book there and thinking it was about your personal total history. You would be horrifically confused and loose your footing in so many ways in this life and would have a very confusing picture of who or what you might be right? It could even threaten our sanity to think all those bits we read had anything to do with us specifically.
The Akashic is like that - it's the record of Everything and likely as not has nothing to do with our particular energy signature through time.
I'm not saying this is your case, I'm just throwing it out there for you to contemplate and play with.

Like you I see a lot in the Library and go out of body rather often to other times, place and planets. For a while I thought it all had something to do with me somehow, but I've seen so much now that I can't believe that anymore and have relegated most of what I see in the Akashic as "Well, THAT was interesting!" and don't personalize it at all.
It's just info, like randomly scrolling FB. Every now and then something will resonate, but even that I'm careful not to buy into too much as it could complicate this life to keep 'building story' and my brain has it's hands full with dealing with just this single life without going into some 'story' about who or what I am outside of this single human experience.

Much of what you describe in your opening could it into the Sumerian historic records of the Annunaki coming to Earth - they became the 'gods' for all of early human history and the Bible (old Testament) in many ways is the same story retold through a different countries view point of the happenings back then. Earths history is very different than what the historians and archeologists are telling us. Listen to You Tubes of Zecharia's Sitchins translations of the Sumerian cuneiform texts. I think you'll recognize a lot of it and understand why you have seen some of what you've seen. The Bible is derivative of these texts, in fact all written histories are - so go to the cuneiform texts for the earliest accounts of human history, the technology we had in early times was astounding (brought by the Annunaki), vibration and sound was a huge part of it, it may help you as will understanding the nature of the Akashic records as well.

Wishing you Peace and Grace on your Path.

[epoch]

This makes a hell of a lot of sense. I meditated last night after reading your post and instead of trying to go deeper into all of the imagery and information that always erupts through my mind in an attempt to discover what it means in relation to who I am, I stepped back from personalising it, which made it a thousand times easier to process... It's vaguely amusing because I've endeavoured to approach meditation and spiritual exploration from a point of no attachment to what I experience but I'd been doing the exact opposite and I didn't realise to what extent until I read this. No attachment but this is all me. Lol. Still, I'm not sure that applies to everything I've felt and witnessed; with the information and scenery I receive surrounding the group... not sure what to refer to them as now, whether they're Annunaki or angels or Luciferian or from some other planet or dimension... it's soul wrenching, like something deep and painful grabs at the core of me and displaces me with these violent lurches like I'm being halfway pulled out of my body. It feels like something inextricably personal rather than sympathetic confusion.

There are a bewildering amount of events and places and people I've witnessed that make so much more sense in the context of me viewing the Akashic records. You are so right about it being a threat to one's sanity. During last night's meditation I arrived at these massive gates that I've seen before on several occasions; they appear as cavernous openings in an abyssal wall, on such a huge scale it's always felt like I'm witnessing something attached to a celestial realm, but before where I've generally been perplexed as to how this relates to a place connected to my past or where I might have come from, and then been frustrated when I can't figure out what it means (and gone round in exasperated circles), I kept in mind that what I was viewing could be a reference point from somewhere in the records. And when I maintained a position of not attempting to dissect the imagery it shifted and opened up into a massive platform and standing on the edge was some kind of celestial entity with a mass of complicated limbs and geometric shapes in front of and above its head, and something happened that I cant describe because it was in an instance beyond my ability to comprehend or explain in linear human terminology, like it did something and I know I saw it but I don't know what it was but I was so overwhelmed by it I couldn't breathe and I burst into tears. After this the air was full of leaves constructed of light filaments constantly burning up and growing from a tree with crystalline roots that extended into a starfield, which became a forest lit up like a galaxy.

While I've had intensive visions on regular occasions, it's often like feeding myself through a spaghetti machine.. it's physically and mentally difficult and I get so caught up on what it means in relation to me and where I come from and what I'm supposed to do with it. Last night it was like having water poured over my head.

[CrystalSong]

Wow, that's incredibly intense epoch and yet strongly resonates with me and lines up with things I've seen also when OBE or viewing the Akashic Records.

You did really well with maintaining an Observer stance for quit a while before the energies of what you saw and witnessed overwhelmed you. I could write whole paragraphs on how this happens based on first hand experience - but the short version is ALL TIME AND SPACE ARE NOW. So basically the energy body vehicle you used to travel and view that time period was energetically effected by the machine/being you saw. It happens on occasion. Very few forms of viewing don't have potential effects.

I once got radiation burns about two feet out from my body all the way around below my feet and above my head - the whole auric field and the effects lasted all day - it felt like 3rd degree burns - blistered and charred. My stomach was terribly nauseous, my body felt totally poisoned in every cell and my mouth tasted like I was sucking on a handful of coins. I got it from projecting onto a satellite in low earth orbit and studying the energy fields surrounding the earth.
Another time myself and a group of women who OBE'd together as a group ended up in some kind of energy vat in a underground greenhouse on the moon, it was deeply nourishing and we stayed in it quite a while, the sensations were astounding. Later in some labs we found we got sucked into some energy producing machine and had a hard time getting out it felt like we had been deliberately vacuumed into it as if that was the specific function of the giant machine and we'd triggered it with our presence. So these things do occasionally happen when we OBE or even just view the Akashic Records. I would say over all - about 1 in 100 trips has side effects. None have been permanent so far as I know and fade off after returning to body/mind in a few hours or a day - however I haven't been tested for radiation damage above normal background exposure so can't say positively. lol

Back to what you may have seen this time. I sounds a lot to me like the Epoc of Gilgamesh.
So quick background. According to the Sumerian Records and most early human written works which are derivative of the original cuneiform texts, the Annunaki came here looking for gold to repair their atmosphere and for other reasons, they set up various mining colonies across Earth in areas where it was easy to get to. They mined it for 7 turns. That's their year. Their planet is on a strange elliptic through our galaxy passing through the area close to the sun and the central planets once every 36,000 years. So one year (turn) for them is 36,000 of our years. So they mined for 252,000 years before the mine workers (named eggee-non royal blood) revolted under the hard conditions and labor. At this point a solution was sought. (Understand the Annunaki live to be what seems to be millions of years old, they are basically immortal by our short lived standards) Among the Annunaki Royals who'd come were a bother and half sister Inki and Inlil if I recall correctly - one was a scientist and one was a geneticists. Between them they devised a way to use a primitive bi-ped which ran with the animals and drank from pools of water as the animals did and insert the Annunaki DNA into it to make a Worker being to work the mines. They wanted it smart enough to take orders but not so smart as to seek freedom or realize it's enslaved state of being. This take as long time as all the early experiments resulted in a huge line of chimera freaks and humans who can't bear children, are mute or blind or malformed. Eventually they get it right though and the first adama (Adam) is made. Humans as we know them we made as a slave race - subservient genetically to a race we called the gods. I suspect this is why you are so revolted when viewing these earliest years of human kinds existence. Note also the strong feelings and position taking around genetic engineering in modern times - we have a built in instinct that it is wrong, playing god, and at the same time a fascination that can't be squelched except by trying it anyway.
We were made to have short lives in comparison to the Annunaki - less than 1000 years, which later gets further carved down to around 120 years. Eventually we come to understand that the Annunaki are prolonging their life by a substance they consume. It appears to come from a plant and also there is a white powder they consume which we think is monotomic gold. Anyway Gilgamesh, who was the son of a human and had an Annunaki parent, meaning he was only 1/4 human, decided he wanted immortal life as one of his parents had and set off to find the source of their well kept secret. All Annunaki kept humans away from their technology and the source of their longevity. Each line of the Royal Family had deep underground bases where they kept their plane, helicopters, rockets and nuclear weapons (there were wars among the gods from time to time) and in these places kept their reserve of the substances which prolonged their lives, some of them had their bases in the mountains.
The place you describe is very consistent with the one Gilgamesh found. The gates were guarded by fire machines which killed anything which didn't know how to pass properly. (Motion detectors and lasers?) Gilgamesh describes a rocket being launched from behind the great gates and when he enters eventually finding a huge stone platform and the smell of burnt rock.
It's quite the story.

And indeed it is personal to you, to all of us actually. We'd still be naked Neanderthals innocently grazing grass and raiding honey bee nest and living with our brethren animals had the Annunaki not hybrid us into a slave force to work in the mines and serve them.
Evolution is very slow, unimaginably slow, we'll never know what we may have evolved into had we not been 'made' by the gods and allowed to evolve naturally instead. We were witnessed hanging with herd animals drink from rivers and pools of water as they did and were gentle and shy like the gazelles, so I suspect we would not have been a violent war prone people as we are now. Our natural development was completely derailed and our history forever changed - I believe we still carry certain racial memories around this - an aversion to slavery, to genetic engineering, to altering natural habitats, to interceding in the natural order and so on.

Epoch, you have rare visioning, not many of us can access this earliest information. I HIGHLY encourage you to start documenting your travels into the Akashic - record everything as best as you can, and you are a good observer and writer, so really use these talents. Record every session and go as often as you can energetically handle it - several times a week if possible. If you start getting energetically drain PM, I have things which will replace vital subtle energy that will help you prolong your sessions.

Don't dive into the Sumerian texts or any archeological sites or any other information available on the internet or in books or conferences and lectures until you have a wealth of your own first hand experiences recorded. You do not want your mind to pollute your travels by having expectations or assumptions, so stay away from sources of info. I probably told you too much, but I wanted you to understand that what you are seeing is valid and has historical precedence and encourage you to continue.

Get good at asking questions, questions and Intention is how we navigate the Akashic Records.
"Why was this built? What is it's function? What did it do, who built it? What was this region used for? Why are these people different looking then these? What was the reason behind this? Where does this lead to? What is this connected to?.....and so on.
Get good at traveling in different forms and retaining the information on return to body/mind state. Don't freak out, things may happen as you get better, time may fold, portals open, time bend or ripple in strange ways, you will access more ways to get to what you are looking for in other ways, do not be alarmed when you learn a new way, just grin and roll with it!
Be an Archeologist, an Anthropologist. Seek answers, seek truth. Be a good observer, see both the little things and the big things, look right and left, look up, look down, Notice everything before moving to the thing which most draws your attention.
Assume nothing, have no preconceived ideas and keep meticulous records.
Buy a notebook just for this and record everything, put the date and session time at the top before meditating - after the session immediately record all that was seen and experienced, make sketches and drawings when you can. Do it quickly before the information fades.

Some time when the information starts running out, or you are caught in loops or no longer seem to be in the same section of the library you can begin to figure out what it was all about. Perhaps in a year or two.
But don't try and put it all together right now - Now is the time for first hand information gathering and learning to navigate in the Akashic.
When the time comes I'd suggest hitting the Sumerian texts and Zachariah Sitchins translations first, but you may be led in other ways to remaining recorded or archeological proofs of what you witnessed, who is to say? Get the information first - then conjecture and compile and develop hypothosis :)

[Carnate]

Thanks for the detailed explanation, CrystalSong!

It's nice to see someone speak so well in a positive way. I'm sure a lot of people will appreciate the time and effort you take in posting comments like the above; even if most don't say it.