You look like .....

[markings]

My wife talks about a friend and tells me that she told her "With your headscarf and glasses you look exactly like your mother."

I think back and I remember how people say this, comparing a person to one of the family members, e.g. me to me father, but often this start even with a new born baby. "She has her mother's eyes, the father's forehead"

I ask my wife why are people so fond of doing that because to me it is more of an insult, a denial of a person's individuality and what they have made of themselves and their life.

What do you think? Is it a compliment or a put down?

I'd say it's more small talk. People giving voice to passing thoughts.

It's down to how well we know "what a person's like". If they are given to indiscretions and insults it could be taken as an insult - depends on the person receiving it. but it's always from someone else's viewpoint. If, knowing the "insulter" to be rude at times but none too aware of their behaviour I wouldn't make much of it.

As you say, people do it - whether they're fond of doing so I don't know. It's just one of those bits of social interaction to me, chit-chat that does at least acknowledge people.

...

[o0A0o]

Most times it is neither a compliment nor a put down. It is just an observation. It stems from the objectivity of being outside the circle of familiarity where differences and similarities are more apparent.

Finding it offensive is a symptom of the way everything has become self-centered while a chunk of humanity has evolved and become Source-centered, for lack of a better term. While everyone is growing up and living their life there is this nasty sibling throwing a tantrum because all attention is not on them.

Everyone has sensitivities. The common thing now is to hold everyone responsible for offending you. Chances are some stranger does not have any clue that you will be offended by some otherwise innocuous action. How could that be their fault? The answer is obvious. It is NOT their fault. You know more about you than anyone therefore you are responsible for your reactions.

In this particular case you are revealing your own insecurity about not being recognized as an individual. Most people resemble other blood relatives. It is natural. If you want to be recognized as an individual life is going to go over better for you if you develop strengths rather than get upset about things you have no control over. Other people have no idea what bothers us. How could they?

[linen53]

I agree with o0. It's more of just an observation. Sometimes the resemblance is uncanny though; the words are out of my mouth before I've completely thought it through.

It can be considered an insult if there is a rift between the resembled family member and oneself. If there was a loving relationship, on the other hand, they might consider it a compliment.

To each their own......