How to get started working on yourself

[Compendium]

Oh Marcel I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife. Ever think this might have something to do with your current situation? There is no time limit on grief and loss. Do you think maybe your lack of motivation has to do with emotions and feelings surrounding the loss?
If you need to chat you can PM me.

Namaste`

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Starman

Behavior modification techniques do work for a lot of people; in B-Mod there is a technique called “chaining,” where you chain behaviors together over time. Don’t look at the big picture regarding how you would like to change rather start with something small, and accomplish that, then a week or two later take something else that is small and do that. Over time of doing lots of small things, chaining them together, you may accomplish a big goal.

However, don’t try to do everything in a day or so, that can be overwhelming and result in procrastination. I think it is a good thing to write things down, make a list and then check things off of your list as you go. Stretch it out; do something that is on your list every other day, or two days a week, to begin with. Don’t over-extend yourself; know your limitations. Starting small and gradually doing more over time may help you get in the habit of achieving things on a daily basis.

On the days when you are not working on your list, reward yourself for having accomplished something on your list. Your reward can be some chocolate, or taking a nap, something that does not require spending a lot of money. Prioritize your list, do the essential but easy things first, and put those things that can wait further down on your list. Give yourself months to complete the entire list, depending on how many things are on that list.

Look in the mirror daily and use affirmations, or self-talk, to motivate your self. If you have a close friend or kids, ask them to help motivate you. Tell yourself that you are not going to watch any television, go on your computer, or take/make any non-essential phone calls, until you have done at least one thing that day which is on your list. Ginseng, matcha green tea, and some other stimulants may help.

You need to put together a healthy program, with checks and balances, for yourself to motivate you before you start to do the things you want to do with that motivation. Most of all be gentle with yourself. Ask yourself the question, if your child was acting the way that you do, as a parent, what would you do to motive your child? When I worked as a social worker with kids who were institutionalized, there were two main things we did with those kids, we nurtured and we set limits, to try and change their behavior. What you might do as a parent for your kid you can also apply to yourself.

Marcel - I'm so sorry for your troubles. I would start by being kind to yourself. Then, you may try the below suggestions as long-term strategies to elevate your mood and care for your well-being. Nothing yields a quick fix but over the course of many months or a year or two, you can begin to see real gains within, as well as without.

Definitely, along with the green tea or coffee (stevia if you need it), I would far and away recommend getting outside during daylight. If the heat is oppressive, I would get up early. If you are too tired at first to do much, drink your tea on the porch.

You can also take a walk or bike in the evening...here you are lucky being a man, security is much less of an issue.

The best thing is to walk, bike or hike in nature where it is shaded...whatever you can do. It's worth it to drive 15 or 20 mins if you can get away to a peaceful place for an hour or two or whatever you can manage. Definitely get a good pair of boots and a pair of walking poles...you can use these year round...

If you have no alternative or it's too hot and you've no cover from the sun, then the next best is to swim indoors and get in the water...also very healing. If you're beat, just do some water exercises.

Meditation is also key...try just five mins even...and make a safe place where you can sit with what's in your heart. There's a lot more to it...but when you need it, you can always reach out to the guides and ask for healing, love, and support.

Best of luck...and much love & light,
7L