can you not be physically attracted to your significant but still be in Love ?

girlsearching · #1 26-05-2014, 10:56 PM

I was just carious because there is this guy that I have been texting. I don't find his looks to be attractive to me but he is nice. I met him when I was going to school in millwaukee Wisconsin, to this alternative college program. I haven't seen him in person since we both graduated from the program. My family thinks that I don't really like him and they never met him before so they are skeptical. In a relationship does it have to be one sided in order for it to work ? . I can learn to look past his outer appearence as long as he treats me right.

I would appreciate any advice.

BriarRose · #2 26-05-2014, 11:29 PM

You can develop a physical attraction to someone where none previously existed. That happened for me with my first husband, when I was still a teenager. You noticed I said "first husband". That is the operative word. In my 30's, I met my current husband, and realized that the physical component had always been missing. I loved #1's intelligence, and kind heart, but not his body. For some women, that is enough, and they don't miss the other component. If all had gone well in other ways, I would never have realized what I was missing. Physical attraction is so complex. I think there are underlying factors we don't understand. You could give the guy a chance, unless you think it would just lead to pain! Good Luck!

wstein · #3 26-05-2014, 11:48 PM

A person has many attributes, physical ones are but a small portion. Since you are talking about the kind of loved based on attraction, you could easily love them for other attributes you find attractive (personality, smarts, wealth, health, similar background, etc).

No two people are going to find everything about the other attractive. The questions is if they are are attractive in the ways that matter to you (in regards to having a relationship). If you are a physically oriented person the you need to hold out for a physically attractive (to you not society) person. If on the other hand you are a romantic then perhaps physical looks are not so important.

On a practical level, its mostly about overall chemistry and an absence of just-can't-live-with-that issues. Sounds like you aren't sure in this case. The only way to know for sure is to try it on and see how you like it.

You might want to consider that you just love them unconditionally (attributes being irrelevant)...

girlsearching · #4 27-05-2014, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RosieCotton

You can develop a physical attraction to someone where none previously existed. That happened for me with my first husband, when I was still a teenager. You noticed I said "first husband". That is the operative word. In my 30's, I met my current husband, and realized that the physical component had always been missing. I loved #1's intelligence, and kind heart, but not his body. For some women, that is enough, and they don't miss the other component. If all had gone well in other ways, I would never have realized what I was missing. Physical attraction is so complex. I think there are underlying factors we don't understand. You could give the guy a chance, unless you think it would just lead to pain! Good Luck!

Thanks I should give it a chance to see were the relationship goes.

girlsearching · #5 27-05-2014, 04:17 AM

[quote=wstein]A person has many attributes, physical ones are but a small portion. Since you are talking about the kind of loved based on attraction, you could easily love them for other attributes you find attractive (personality, smarts, wealth, health, similar background, etc).

No two people are going to find everything about the other attractive. The questions is if they are are attractive in the ways that matter to you (in regards to having a relationship). If you are a physically oriented person the you need to hold out for a physically attractive (to you not society) person. If on the other hand you are a romantic then perhaps physical looks are not so important.

On a practical level, its mostly about overall chemistry and an absence of just-can't-live-with-that issues. Sounds like you aren't sure in this case. The only way to know for sure is to try it on and see how you like it.

You might want to consider that you just love them unconditionally (attributes being irrelevant)...[/QUOT

thanks for that I should get to love all his attributes.

girlsearching · #6 27-05-2014, 05:13 AM

I just feel that maybe I'm being to shallow on the guy because he seems to like me for who I am . And We all want someone that's going to be good to us. I know that there is alot of qualties that you will and not like in a person but that is natural. I have alot of growing up to do and a lot to learn.

#7 27-05-2014, 06:24 AM

My husband is most kind person in the world. He is allways watching my back and stays there no questions asked. I admire him and love him. But.. There is allways a but. There is no physical atraction at all in between us. We like solemates and best friends living together. Allready 10 years.
It seems to be enough most of the times. But there is times when I dream about more. I have made this decision that I like to live with him and he is te one I´d like grow old together. But sometimes I need something more also. I need passion. So I am passionate with other things... ;)

#8 27-05-2014, 06:53 AM

When you grow close to someone they become more attractive, there is a difference in loving someone and being in love with them. I don't think you can be in love without a physical attraction. It's still possible to have a satisfactory relationship though.

#9 27-05-2014, 07:34 AM

Have I seen hotter? Yes. Do I love him? Absolutely.

But really, I have family who clearly stated that they thought their husband was very ugly when they met him but that his personality shun through and won their heart.

joyfirst · #10 28-05-2014, 12:26 AM

Hmm, I am not so sure, that physical attraction is not important. Our bodies are very spiritual and register everything, that goes on all levels -emotional, spiritual and, of course, physical. I believe, there is a reason, why we are attracted physically to certain people and not the others -and that has nothing to do with beauty standards..
You could try Focusing exercise, and see, if you can get answers from your body directly.
Maybe you could be good friends with him instead of partners?