Sex post-twin flame: how does one ignite a lesser fire?

[happyhaunts03]

I knew when I left my TF that the chances of us reuniting in the near future were slim. For us, it wasn't a lack of love, cheating, or fighting, or any of that. It was circumstances. My career aspirations necessitated a move and his obligations kept him from following. So, I made the conscious decision that I would give the next decent person to cross my path a chance since I couldn't wait and hope forever, especially when my 2 year leave started looking more like 5 years. I couldn't expect him to wait for me that long, so it was a natural progression.

Is it the same? No. But that doesn't mean it's bad. I wouldn't say that passion dies a slow death or anything like that. Any relationship ebs and flows. There are good times and bad times. And as for the energy pull? You can learn how to manipulate it, how to close it off when necessary (I don't believe you can permanently close it off, but some have said they've done it) and how to adjust to the feeling of the pull being there even though you have moved on.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Sounds like you're really not dating the right guy for you...
A relationship doesn't have to be hard work, nor should it be. That isn't even related to a TF. You often feel it is like that when you're not over the past yet, not totally healed. Then you still feel that you can't ever have something that good anymore.
I'm also still in that stage, sort of, so I'm not dating yet. In a way I also feel it would help me heal, but in another way it won't as it will only remind me of what I've lost.
But, I also went through a similar thing after the relationship I had before. It always takes getting used to. Finding out you lost the familiarity of what you build up with a partner over the years. Suddenly having to explain things again.
But I've also learnt that this usually is a) you're not totally ready yet and b) it's not the right guy.
A relationship should be inspiring, even if it's on a different level as with a TF.
And saying it's hard work when it's not a soul connection... every love relationship is with at least a soul mate. So it's always a soul connection. If it's not the right guy, then he's just there to make you see that or to help you learn another lesson. But he's still a soul mate.
It's only hard work when with someone who's not what you're looking for or want and when you're not ready yet.
Maybe just wait a bit longer. By staying in this relationship you may end up hurting yourself even more.

Thanks for the advice.

I disagree about everyone being a soulmate though, sure they are in a sense. But you don't have a soul connection with everyone nor do you form one or can form one with everyone. When I talk about soul connection I mean more along the lines of soul family, which I have found several of mine. That's a deep bond formed beyond this line, no I can't forge that with just anyone.

The problem is for dating, those are rare and if you wait for that you might be in a nursing home by the time you find it, if you want to date, you just have to date (I suppose).
As for not being ready, there are 2 issues there. a) I don't think/know if I'll ever really be over my twin so I'm tired of waiting to be ready. And b) I just realized it has been 8 years since my last official relationship (I'm not counting twin because I was never in a relationship with him). And I think 8 years is long enough. (I've dated in that time and had beginning relationships (that didn't last long)).

But I'm ok to be alone. I have kids, I look forward to being alone. The problem is I'm so good at being alone that every guy I date complains I don't pay enough attention to him. I guess I just decided it was time, and I'm trying to do what everyone says, and give people a chance with an open mind. The problem is I pretty much know right away when and what type of connection I have with people, so it usually fizzles fast.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Thanks for the advice.

I disagree about everyone being a soulmate though, sure they are in a sense. But you don't have a soul connection with everyone nor do you form one or can form one with everyone. When I talk about soul connection I mean more along the lines of soul family, which I have found several of mine. That's a deep bond formed beyond this line, no I can't forge that with just anyone.

The problem is for dating, those are rare and if you wait for that you might be in a nursing home by the time you find it, if you want to date, you just have to date (I suppose).
As for not being ready, there are 2 issues there. a) I don't think/know if I'll ever really be over my twin so I'm tired of waiting to be ready. And b) I just realized it has been 8 years since my last official relationship (I'm not counting twin because I was never in a relationship with him). And I think 8 years is long enough. (I've dated in that time and had beginning relationships (that didn't last long)).

But I'm ok to be alone. I have kids, I look forward to being alone. The problem is I'm so good at being alone that every guy I date complains I don't pay enough attention to him. I guess I just decided it was time, and I'm trying to do what everyone says, and give people a chance with an open mind. The problem is I pretty much know right away when and what type of connection I have with people, so it usually fizzles fast.

Yeah, thing I was trying to convey is... if your own vibration is low you will attract men who match that. And those aren't the ones you are ultimately hoping to find.
So in that sense it can be good to first work on your own vibration, become more positive in general, and then start looking for a potential date/partner. Because then you'll attract men who are more or completely what you actually desire.

What you describe now with men does match how you describe you feel: your heart isn't really in it, your just doing it because of XYZ, but not really from a positive place and confident you will find it, so you get men who complain you don't pay attention to them. Maybe they are right, or they are the type of guy who are needy. In any case they match your vibration.
This entire scenario is the exact reason I'm not dating yet. My vibration isn't high enough yet after my breakup with TF. So I'm first going to work on that. When I feel it is back where it was and I got full confidence AND the desire to have a partner again -which I now don't really have yet-, I will put energy and time in dating as then it'll pay off.
If I'd do it now it would only lead to disappointment, attracting the wrong men for me, which will of course not help me to happily step back into my dating shoes. If nothing else it will only discourage me which is exactly what I'm trying to get over after my breakup.
So by not dating I didn't mean to say just wait around and do nothing. It's about doing the work on self so your vibration goes up, you get belief back in love and that it can and will happen etc etc.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Yeah, thing I was trying to convey is... if your own vibration is low you will attract men who match that. And those aren't the ones you are ultimately hoping to find.
So in that sense it can be good to first work on your own vibration, become more positive in general, and then start looking for a potential date/partner. Because then you'll attract men who are more or completely what you actually desire.

What you describe now with men does match how you describe you feel: your heart isn't really in it, your just doing it because of XYZ, but not really from a positive place and confident you will find it, so you get men who complain you don't pay attention to them. Maybe they are right, or they are the type of guy who are needy. In any case they match your vibration.
This entire scenario is the exact reason I'm not dating yet. My vibration isn't high enough yet after my breakup with TF. So I'm first going to work on that. When I feel it is back where it was and I got full confidence AND the desire to have a partner again -which I now don't really have yet-, I will put energy and time in dating as then it'll pay off.
If I'd do it now it would only lead to disappointment, attracting the wrong men for me, which will of course not help me to happily step back into my dating shoes. If nothing else it will only discourage me which is exactly what I'm trying to get over after my breakup.
So by not dating I didn't mean to say just wait around and do nothing. It's about doing the work on self so your vibration goes up, you get belief back in love and that it can and will happen etc etc.

Hmm the problem with this is I don't believe in the loa. I went through a phase were I read all the books and listened to the youtubers on it. In the long run, I never saw any evidence of it in my own life, and I have a very hard time believing in stuff without evidence (that might sound funny given some of my posts lol). Plus, I don't believe that my vibration is low, at least I know it's the highest it's ever been.
One reason I don't believe in the loa is because I know that personally, there are a lot of things I had to go through to get to my soul purpose. I also know that had I gotten other things, I wouldn't have gotten here.

The guys I've been dating aren't bad guys at all, on paper, they are great matches. They are good guys too, not low vibration at all. It's just there's no deeper connection.
I've been working on myself for a few years now, plus I'm always learning. But I'm kind of a freak to people, when I tell them about myself they don't understand. They don't understand why I would want to read a book (for example) instead of watch a sit-com. I don't meet many people that are on the same wavelength I am, or interested in the same type of stuff. Rarely ever.

[lunapixie]

Thank you all so much for your replies! :)