Why can't some people evolve from the Twin Flame experience?

[Inika]

Originally Posted by Aldous

TFs have nothing to do with evolution. The connection is permanent.

we speak about evolving from the tf heartache and drama. the pulling, the emotional havoc about them and shift focus on us, healing.
even if a connection is permanent. the heartache is not. you grow up and over it. evolve.

[Ariaecheflame]

There are probably numerous reasons for all different folk.
We are psychologically complex - people.

As mentioned previously fear could be one - the whole question of 'who am I if everything I believed about everything is not true? (for me this spoke to my own sense of nothingness stemming from early trauma).
As could be Co - dependancy
As could be unhealthy attachment styles carried over from childhood
Limereance
And also the fact that for many the intensity and amount of chance the connection can catalyst leaves many with many unanswered questions which leaves them ruminating over the why's and how comes.

For myself personally - it stemmed from childhood avoidant attachment wounds where most of my young adult life my romantic relationships were stuck in the childhood patterning developed as a coping mechanisim for neglect and lack of intimacy with my parental figures.
So I always had this diacotomy where I was searching for something/someone to connect to yet simultaneously pushing all intimate connections away.

Then as a young adult the soul who held up a mirror up to my soul... For the first time I felt that I was able to recieve that intimacy I so needed - yet my avoidant attachment style kicked in and again kept me in a place where I was unable to do so as it simply was never a style I was familiar with... It had always been unsafe for me to connect.

So it is only very recently which I began to piece together the sort of limerance type haze I was under.

It is not to say that the affections were never returned though... More so that I have kept myself safe all these years by being either avoidance or in the case of the mirror connection... Clinging on to a small resemblance of the sort of soul and personality nurturing I have always searched for as a result of my upbringing...

So...

In other words - it is a very complex topic haha and there are many and complex reasons as to why people may not be able to evolve... Past a connection... Or belief... Or attachment or anything really.


In the case of your question though... Childhood trauma and learned attachment styles is just another example of a possible why.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by emeraldheart

And also the fact that for many the intensity and amount of chance the connection can catalyst leaves many with many unanswered questions which leaves them ruminating over the why's and how comes.

^^This^^
I will admit, for myself, I was stuck for a long time trying to find answers to the why of his behavior. When he refused to give me the answer of why he acted the way he did and said the things he said (and then ran, basically) I then tried to find those answers other places. First I tried through psychology, then when that didn't give me the answers I was looking for, I found the tf concept (and it seemed to explain so much).
It's the unanswered questions that I had the hardest time getting past (never receiving an answer from him). I have only recently accepted that some things we just don't get answers to, or sometimes, the answers come much longer after the fact. But I have recently accepted that we get answers when the time is right for us to know, not when we want them.

[Aldous]

Who are the elders of consciousness?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0iEvoyvwXg

[Emm]

It may be that as human beings we do tend to love the drama of it all...not consciously of course but even in pain it makes us feel alive. To be in love with love ... and not having the other in our lives we are afraid of losing that all encompassing feeling we had at the beginning. We hold on tight to the memory of it afraid to let go and go back to non feeling.

I have to say though for me, like you Goddessa, the spiritual awakening was intriguing to me and had a lot of my attention. I was amazed by it all, in awe of what was unfolding in me. But at the same time understood he was the catalyst and there was a fear that without him I would also lose the phenomena that went with it...in a way it did. Love is the key to opening the secret doors in self, its the fastest surest way to spiritual unfolding...without it I have to work at raising my spirits whereas at the time of being close and in love manifestations were happening effortlessly.

At the end of the day the most important thing is being true to yourself...if we end up obsessing then our focus is screwed, we act out of character and eventually realise we are living a lie. We need to ask ourselves moment by moment if we are happy as the observer of self and what we are witnessing...does giving away our energy to another that's not recipricating serve us? Are we not just splitting our energy, feeling drained? This phenomena calls us to wake up first and foremost to become a more authentic self...who knows, the other may just then recognise something in us then being as we reflect each other.

[Goddessa]

Originally Posted by Emm

At the end of the day the most important thing is being true to yourself...if we end up obsessing then our focus is screwed, we act out of character and eventually realise we are living a lie. We need to ask ourselves moment by moment if we are happy as the observer of self and what we are witnessing...does giving away our energy to another that's not recipricating serve us? Are we not just splitting our energy, feeling drained?

This sums up the reason why I decided to let go and start exploring the consequences of my tf connection. The words "feeling drained" just stood out for me because that is exactly how I was feeling a lot of the time while having an inner battle to love unconditionally, while also obsessing at the same time. I believe I lied to myself for quite some time telling myself and everybody who cared to listen that I loved him unconditionally while dying inside waiting for some kind of reunion/reconciliation.

The answer really does lie in putting yourself first. Truly discovering self love and loving, respecting and honouring yourself first. After that,true unconditional love I believe,follows quite easily. Without effort. Without expectations.

[Aldous]

I keep imagining being with her and talking to her. I've been doing this for 40 years.

[Goddessa]

Originally Posted by Aldous

I keep imagining being with her and talking to her. I've been doing this for 40 years.

Were you together for long? How long did the actual physical relationship last?