Independence - struggle or illusion?

[Inika]

Im new into this area / part of my soul journey. I've been prodding along since my full blown awakening back in 2011. In 2012 I met a soul connection, I confused with a twin flame/soul. I knew deep down inside this was more like a kindred soul brother than a total twin flame experience.

It would take a few more years to pass before i'd be recognised and i'd recognise true mirror soul.

We discovered each other incarnate last year. I began feeling him on the outskirts of my energy since March 2018. By June 2018 I had my full blown soul recognition moment.

It's been amazing to uncover, discover and explore and even better that he is open and aware of me, of this, of us. In fact. It was him that came first, I followed his energy, his residue he left behind like breadcrumbs to find him after he had found me.

I got to this point though. after understanding what he was, i was and what this was. That.....what about me? as an individual? a person? Now im all feeling him, me and us as one and I no longer have my own world ... its like...when you go to do something alone....bathroom, shower...you're never alone anymore. Hard to describe. there just is no ONLY you...you share an energetic presence , space and field. All encompassing.
distance feels like separation but i need to know I can feel my own space.

there is a sense of unity and a sense of singleness in it yet its not the same as singleness without unity. Now it's realizing every action, thought and feeling effects the other. before there was no realization so it never mattered and now there is a difference. If you think in terms that may effect them....you'll know about it!!

My other realization is How the masculine is lead. no matter how feminist people may try to sway it....its not like an abuse of masculine power. more that...the male is the main stage. The force of strength. yet without the female his strength has no drive, no will, no desire.

I saw it like driving down the street to find a house to buy....your first impression is the house...the structure, how strong it is, beautiful, etc....
thats the masculine....he is your external first impression

his inside world....the indoors of his house is the feminine. she is the set up. she is what makes the house a home. she is the nurture in the furnishings, the smell of roast pot pie cooking followed by cheesecake. She is the interior and she is his weakeness. his soft, sacred, special place to retire to at the end of each long day.

they both work together to stay up and whole. without one the other is not going to work out so well. can be done but not as effective and beneficial as both put together to create the space of their sanctuary.

so i've had to come to understand this....without a house to fill....I am homeless. And now I am home ....I have a home to fill. to nurture, to take care of.
myself as himself and himself as myself is home.
Learning to surrender the will to have control and dominion as i've always needed to have....has been challenging. and it just takes me to understand it deeper. why i needed it. why its not so bad to allow him to lead. Why i dont need to react to everything as if ready to run for the hills when its not going in the direction that feels comfortable and easy to control.

my soul being masculine in a female body (not sexulised it externally into a sexual preference gender for sexual gratification or personal acceptance aka transgender or bi or lesbian and to note, no issues with folks that swing it in those paths)
has had issues with trusting male species. Knowing inately how a woman, me as a woman wants, desires and needs to be treated...my inner man soul knowing this, hearing this, feeling this, what a woman needs, what I need and want from men. He knows....so to have other men come at me and try to bring me down gets his back up, my back up....'how dare you treat her this way'
'how dare you look at her that way'

it get my soul more irate than me as a woman.

its all calmed down since recognition of each other.
Im calm. Im more myself than I have ever been.
I feel back to my old normal self before the entire catalyst soul connection entered my orbit and spun me about for a few years.
I'm back to being me...and after realizing my twin in person after realizing them in soul made it much more sweeter and confirming that I am back to where I should be.

its just a matter of adjusting and im still so new on the journey with this. aware for sure but new on being joined with another to walk the journey with....that feels amazing!

lots of love

[Dudla]

So happy for you Inika! may you discover the complete joy of this, the most unique of connections.

Some years back, my twin and I had started a business together but due to various constraints, he had to leave the business and go back to his regular job. But what he said to me at the time of leaving the business is something that I cherish still brings on the goosebumps!

He said "There are no hellos and goodbyes between us because you are me and I am you..." <3

[Dudla]

So happy for you Inika! may you discover the complete joy of this, the most unique of connections.

Some years back, my twin and I had started a business together but due to various constraints, he had to leave the business and go back to his regular job. But what he said to me at the time of leaving the business is something that I cherish still brings on the goosebumps!

He said "There are no hellos and goodbyes between us because you are me and I am you..." <3

[Khalli]

You have a beautiful way with words, Inika! Sometimes I wish I could write as well as I can sketch stuff.

You are so right about home, it's not a place but something deeper and special. Took me awhile to figure that one out.

[Inika]

Thank you Dudla and Khal :)

wish I could sketch as fluent as writing!
a good example tbh...where you are strong in sketch and I am strong in writing, you put both together and create something amazing.

Much like the strengths of each twin. complimentary.

I've got a huge sense of appreciation today. Of all of it.

[Ziusudra]

Struggle or Illusion ?
My answer - Both.
I am so done with being independent!
I want my plus one that I can depended on.

[Ariaecheflame]

I feel inter-depenance is where it's at.

We evolved as a species to co-exist interdependantly.

Maintaining ones sense of self is important in independence... Bringing ones whole self into union with another or a comm-unity is important for healthy and balanced unions of all kinds.
We work together, pool and share our resources as humans which is why we've all managed to get this far... And if we are to evolve we will do so as a species.

Of course my karma is about coming into energetic/ spiritual/ emotional independance within myself and then into healthy interconnected relationships and away from co-dependance...(rise of the feminine stuff). So you and I might have come from opposite ends of the spectrum but the destination might well be quite similar... A balanced middle ground.

Hey... This path is all about balancing planetary energy right? :-)

[Inika]

Its new to experience in this way. For so long I ignored the masculine presence in me. Honestly it freaked me out but it had a name, a face, and to discover exists and for them to also hold a strong feminine presence and see you. It became quickly aware for us both that the inner male/female presence that telepathically spoke (inner voice) was not 'all in your head' but an actual reality. The connection in that way felt closer than being two people standing side by side in a room. In this way, two souls standing inside the other and able to have conversations and psychic visions shared and sent at will.
Even conflicts. If he or I had an energetic and emotional reaction the other would have a response directly. And knowing why before it happened. Its sounds arrogant but you already know everything. You're always knowing what they will think, feel, say, move. Thats why the feeling of no longer being your own single unit makes you realise that was an illusion. Until the conscious acceptance of this masculine presence became embraced, being a single unit was my illusion and struggle in why i'd keep turning into a dead end trying to work with my feminine energies for balance.
The bonus is that now a lot more makes sense and there is a tangible part to work with rather than a sense of feeling around a dark foggy forest for what always felt like scattered energy.

About two years ago I started looking into toltic wisdom books and it helped with direction focus on energies. During my balancing the male and female energies.
By the end of those years I was guided to finally turn around and see the soul.

The depending on is a given. I think here, in this world. We have been let down often by those we would have liked to depend on. They proved they were not able to provide the means we needed to depend on them for.

In this soul sense. You depend on as a responsibility and honour to soul. To heal and clear any past lifetime karmas and wounds, soul wounds. The soul having its experiences, wether divided in a lifetime or not has many experiences and in the fast quick paced rate the vibration of the planet is going under is offering a rapid flow and wave of healing with the help of Chiron. its not a long drawn out process when together the awareness and work is shared. Its not some drawn out ritual needed and weeks of medication and therapy and books and workshops.....its a 20 minute and up to an hours process and a step at a time as it comes and what comes for you to work with. its shared. Even if one feels they hold more of the weight than the other. It's still cleared a lot quicker.