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  #11  
Old 21-08-2016, 05:52 AM
Khalli Khalli is offline
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Extra energy could be doing it, I have notice my energy has increased a lot in 3 stages and now other people in my family today notice a difference. Normally I can swim or listen to my Ipod without being disturbed. Not today, everybody talked to me asking what I've been up to when they never asked before. And yes I don't like being the center of attention either.

But, what has me concerned is that I have done a little reading and I didn't realize that how I feel about social settings is magnified with you. Mine isn't from autism, mine is a choice after all the bad experiences I had lived. I did what you wrote in that quote. I lived that from 15 to roughly 28-29 years old, was not exactly fun.

I really do love you, David
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Last edited by Khalli : 21-08-2016 at 07:12 AM.
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  #12  
Old 21-08-2016, 11:45 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by khallianen
Extra energy could be doing it, I have notice my energy has increased a lot in 3 stages and now other people in my family today notice a difference. Normally I can swim or listen to my Ipod without being disturbed. Not today, everybody talked to me asking what I've been up to when they never asked before. And yes I don't like being the center of attention either.

But, what has me concerned is that I have done a little reading and I didn't realize that how I feel about social settings is magnified with you. Mine isn't from autism, mine is a choice after all the bad experiences I had lived. I did what you wrote in that quote. I lived that from 15 to roughly 28-29 years old, was not exactly fun.

I really do love you, David
I love you too...I also realise now that because you understand me and have these feelings for me, that you are basically the only one I can talk to! I learned that painful lesson today.

I've started back on my meds....they leave me feeling as crook as a dog...but I have been assured my body will get used to it after 2-3 weeks...I have never been able to endure the torture before now...but I have no choice.

It's just that my general misanthropy is starting to kick back in with a vengeance now and yes, perhaps Miss Hepburn is correct as well - that if there is any negative energy attachment there (which I now believe to be the case) I have to go and see somebody who knows what they are doing to get rid of it.

So yeah, I have basically been told today, "if you can't say anything nice, don't speak at all" - so that whole thing about 'selective mutism' is now becoming a very attractive proposition in light of my Asperger's Disorder...and they wonder why we are like we are and don't speak to people - it's because people don't want to hear what we have to say because it's not 'politically correct' or it offends some minority group or another...and they always seem to crawl out of the woodwork whenever I open my mouth...

I'm just in a very bad place right now and your love is the only thing that's a positive thing in this whole ocean of negativity.
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  #13  
Old 22-08-2016, 12:24 AM
Khalli Khalli is offline
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I don't want to overwhelm you so I want you to let me know if I'm causing you any discomfort. And I have been reading a bit on autism, especially some blogs by people who have it and are dating. It really opened my eyes to some of the differences, but, we also have similarities.

And if the medication can help, why not?

And you will never have to worry about what you say to me. I prefer the truth and bluntness. Also I'm not PC either. That is something I feel is a major problem, leads to too many misunderstandings. Or as I say: it's a term used by whiny people that need stuff sugar coated!

Quote:
it's because people don't want to hear what we have to say because it's not 'politically correct' or it offends some minority group or another...and they always seem to crawl out of the woodwork whenever I open my mouth...


If it is meant to be for Us to be physically together, we are going to have fun and you will find those people suddenly quiet with me around. I never have an issue saying my peace.
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  #14  
Old 22-08-2016, 12:29 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by khallianen
I don't want to overwhelm you so I want you to let me know if I'm causing you any discomfort. And I have been reading a bit on autism, especially some blogs by people who have it and are dating. It really opened my eyes to some of the differences, but, we also have similarities.

And if the medication can help, why not?

And you will never have to worry about what you say to me. I prefer the truth and bluntness. Also I'm not PC either. That is something I feel is a major problem, leads to too many misunderstandings. Or as I say: it's a term used by whiny people that need stuff sugar coated!



If it is meant to be for Us to be physically together, we are going to have fun and you will find those people suddenly quiet with me around. I never have an issue saying my peace.
Thank you, my love.

I prefer directness, bluntness and being 'down to earth' too....but people call this being 'judgmental' and being 'insensitive' and even 'whining'...then they start attributing emotions to me that I wasn't even expressing at the time...like what the hell?

I'm going to start with a general disclaimer, which I feel is the best way to go here - if people have no 'comeback', they just wont bother with it...
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  #15  
Old 22-08-2016, 01:04 AM
kundalinikid kundalinikid is offline
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73. Then I Solomon invoked the name of the Lord Sabaoth, and questioned each in turn as to what was its character. And I bade each one come forward and tell of its actions. Then the first one came forward, and said: "I am the first decans of the zodiacal circle, and I am called the ram, and with me are these two." So I put to them the question: "Who are ye called?" The first said: "I, O Lord, am called Ruax, and I cause the heads of men to be idle, and I pillage their brows. But let me only hear the words, 'Michael, imprison Ruax,' and at once I retreat."
74. And the second said: "I am called Barsafael, and I cause those who are subject to my hour to feel the pain of migraine. If only I hear the words, 'Gabriel, imprison Barsafael,' at once I retreat."

75. The third said: "I am called Arôtosael. I do harm to eyes, and grievously injure them. Only let me hear the words, 'Uriel, imprison Aratosael' (sic), at once I retreat . . . . .1" 1. There seems to be a lacuna here.
76. The fifth said: "I am called Iudal, and I bring about a block in the ears and deafness of hearing. If I hear, 'Uruel Iudal,' I at once retreat."
77. The sixth said: "I am called Sphendonaêl. I cause tumours of the parotid gland, and inflammations of the tonsils, and tetanic recurvation1. If I hear, 'Sabrael, imprison Sphendonaêl,' at once I retreat.'' 1. The Greek medical terms which stand in the Greek text are found in Hippocrates, Galen, and Cuel. Aurel.
78. And the Seventh said: "I am called Sphandôr, and I weaken the strength of the shoulders, and cause them to tremble; and I paralyze the nerves of the hands, and I break and bruise the bones of the neck. And I, I suck out the marrow. But if I hear the words, 'Araêl, imprison Sphandôr,' I at once retreat."
79. And the eight said: "I am called Belbel. I distort the hearts and minds of men. If I hear the words, 'Araêl, imprison Belbel,' I at once retreat."

80. And the ninth said: "I am called Kurtaêl. I send colics in the bowels. I induce pains. If I hear the words, 'Iaôth, imprison Kurtaêl,' I at once retreat."

81. The tenth said: "I am called Metathiax. I cause the reins to ache. If I hear the words, 'Adônaêl, imprison Metathiax,' I at once retreat."

82. The eleventh said: "I am called Katanikotaêl. I create strife [36] and wrongs in men's homes, and send on them hard temper. If any one would be at peace in his home, let him write on seven leaves of laurel the name of the angel that frustrates me, along with these names: Iae, Ieô, sons of Sabaôth, in the name of the great God let him shut up Katanikotaêl. Then let him wash the laurel-leaves in water, and sprinkle his house with the water, from within to the outside. And at once I retreat."

83. The twelfth said: "I am called Saphathoraél, and I inspire partisanship in men, and delight in causing them to stumble. If any one will write on paper these names of angels, Iacô, Iealô, Iôelet, Sabaôth, Ithoth, Bae, and having folded it up, wear it round his neck or against his ear, I at once retreat and dissipate the drunken fit."

84. The thirteenth said: "I am called Bobêl (sic), and I cause nervous illness by my assaults. If I hear the name of the great 'Adonaêl, imprison Bothothêl,' I at once retreat."

85. The fourteenth said: "I am called Kumeatêl, and I inflict shivering fits and torpor. If only I hear the words: 'Zôrôêl, imprison Kumentaêl,' I at once retreat."

86. The fifteenth said: "I am called Roêlêd. I cause cold and frost and pain in the stomach. Let me only hear the words: 'Iax, bide not, be not warmed, for Solomon is fairer than eleven fathers,' I at [once] retreat."

87. The sixteenth said: "I am called Atrax. I inflict upon men fevers, irremediable and harmful. If you would imprison me, chop up coriander1 and smear it on the lips, reciting the following charm: 'The fever which is from dirt. I exorcise thee by the throne of the most high God, retreat from dirt and retreat from the creature fashioned by God.' And at once I retreat." 1. Pliny, Nat. Hist. xx. 20, notes the same use of coriander: "Seminis grana tria in tertianis devorari iubent aliqui ante accessionem, vel plura illini fronti." The Testament evidently belongs to Pliny's age.
88. The seventeenth said: "I am called Ieropaêl. On the stomach of men I sit, and cause convulsions in the bath and in the road; and wherever I be found, or find a man, I throw him down. But if any one will say to the afflicted into their ear these names, three times over, into the right ear: 'Iudarizê, Sabunê, Denôê,' I at once retreat."
89. The eighteenth said: "I am called Buldumêch. I separate wife from husband and bring about a grudge between them. If any one write down the names of thy sires, Solomon, on paper and place it in the ante-chamber of his house, I retreat thence. And the legend written shall be as follows: 'The God of Abram, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob commands thee -- retire from this house in peace.' And I at once retire."
[37]

90. The nineteenth said: "I am called Naôth, and I take my seat on the knees of men. If any one write on paper: 'Phnunoboêol, depart Nathath, and touch thou not the neck,' I at once retreat."

91. The twentieth said: "I am called Marderô. I send on men incurable fever. If any one write on the leaf of a book: 'Sphênêr, Rafael, retire, drag me not about, flay me not,' and tie it round his neck, I at once retreat."

92. The twenty-first said: "I am called Alath, and I cause coughing and hard-breathing in children. If any one write on paper: 'Rorêx, do thou pursue Alath,' and fasten it round his neck, I at once retire...1" 1. There must here be a lacuna in the text.
93. The twenty-third said: "I am called Nefthada. I cause the reins to ache, and I bring about dysury. If any one write on a plate of tin the words: 'Iathôth, Uruêl, Nephthada,' and fasten it round the loins, I at once retreat."
94. The twenty-fourth said: "I am called Akton. I cause ribs and lumbic muscles to ache. If one engrave on copper material, taken from a ship which has missed its anchorage, this: 'Marmaraôth, Sabaôth, pursue Akton,' and fasten it round the loin, I at once retreat."

95. The twenty-fifth said: "I am called Anatreth, and I rend burnings and fevers into the entrails. But if I hear: 'Arara, Charara,' instantly do I retreat."

96. The twenty-sixth said: "I am called Enenuth. I steal away men's minds, and change their hearts, and make a man toothless (?). If one write: 'Allazoôl, pursue Enenuth,' and tie the paper round him, I at once retreat."

97. The twenty-seventh said: "I am called Phêth. I make men consumptive and cause hemorrhagia. ,If one exorcise me in wine, sweet-smelling and unmixed by the eleventh aeon1, and say: 'I exorcise thee by the eleventh aeon to stop, I demand, Phêth (Axiôphêth),' then give it to the patient to drink, and I at once retreat." 1. A Gnostic reference. Just above "eleven fathers" were mentioned.
98. The twenty-eighth said: "I am called Harpax, and I send sleeplessness on men. If one write 'Kokphnêdismos,' and bind it round the temples, I at once retire."
99. The twenty-ninth said: "I am called Anostêr. I engender uterine mania and pains in the bladder. If one powder into pure oil three seeds of laurel and smear it on, saying: 'I exorcise thee, Anostêr. Stop by Marmaraô,' at once I retreat."

100. The thirtieth said: "I am called Alleborith. If in eating [38] fish one has swallowed a bone, then he must take a bone from the fish and cough, and at once I retreat."

101. The thirty-first said: "I am called Hephesimireth, and cause lingering disease. If you throw salt, rubbed in the hand, into oil and smear it on the patient, saying: 'Seraphim, Cherubim, help me!' I at once retire."

102. The thirty-second said: "I am called Ichthion. I paralyze muscles and contuse them. If I hear 'Adonaêth, help!' I at once retire."

103. The thirty-third said: "I am called Agchoniôn. I lie among swaddling-clothes and in the precipice. And if any one write on fig-leaves 'Lycurgos,' taking away one letter at a time, and write it, reversing the letters, I retire at once. 'Lycurgos, ycurgos, kurgos, yrgos, gos, os1.'" 1. botrydón, for which Bornemann conjectures boystrofydón. There is a parallel in a magic papyrus edited by Dieterich (Abraxas, p. 185).
104. The thirty-fourth said: "I am called Autothith. I cause grudges and fighting. Therefore I am frustrated by Alpha and Omega, if written down."
105. The thirty-fifth said: "I am called Phthenoth. I cast evil eye on every man. Therefore, the eye much-suffering, if it be drawn. frustrates me."

106. The thirty-sixth said: "I am called Bianakith. I have a grudge against the body. I lay waste houses, I cause flesh to decay, and all else that is similar. If a man write on the front-door of his house: 'Mêltô, Ardu, Anaath,' I flee from that place."


http://www.esotericarchives.com/solomon/testamen.htm
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  #16  
Old 22-08-2016, 01:21 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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I wonder if there's a demon...

"I am called '.....' and I cause general misunderstandings and mistrust between people, causing them to hate each other with endless derision and mockery. I keep such people in seclusion and isolation, afraid to speak their minds and hearts out of fear of endless persecution...I erode their self-esteem and confidence to the point where it's almost non-existent and then, I cause all the forces of the universe to play endless jokes on them, driving them to complete madness..."

Yeah, give me the name of that one and how to get rid of it...that will be very nice...

However, that being said and with reference to your user-name....kundalini syndrome could actually account for a lot of this as well...and that thought also briefly crossed my mind when I was in bed with a high fever a week ago, feeling like every freaking nadi(nerve) in my body has been blocked off...
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  #17  
Old 22-08-2016, 02:13 AM
Kerubiel Kerubiel is offline
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I used to be possessed by demons all the time and the greatest thing i learned through the process is not give power to demons. Examine your idea of demons and look closely to your belief in them. What you see is what you get. I suggest removing your belief in demons, and once you cut away that power you have placed in them you will see them grow weaker. Best of luck.
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  #18  
Old 22-08-2016, 02:28 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerubiel
I used to be possessed by demons all the time and the greatest thing i learned through the process is not give power to demons. Examine your idea of demons and look closely to your belief in them. What you see is what you get. I suggest removing your belief in demons, and once you cut away that power you have placed in them you will see them grow weaker. Best of luck.
Thank you, my friend.

The thing is, I don't really believe in demons myself, but there isn't any medical, psychological, scientific or rational explanation for what has been occurring in my life - so, the next best thing is to explore that which doesn't have any rational explanation...so it's either a demon possessing me, or God being totally angry with me and exacting His vengeance upon me...take your pick.

How do I cut away that power? the only way I can conceive of doing so is by doing nothing at all - but for now, it seems to have taken on a life of its own and any intervention on my part seems totally futile.

Well, I had three Christians 'pray for my soul' yesterday...let's see if they are on good enough terms with God to make any difference here.
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  #19  
Old 22-08-2016, 08:31 AM
Kerubiel Kerubiel is offline
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I will pray for your happiness, your lovingness and your well being. There is no reason for you to feel down in the dumps. Let love raise you higher, and maybe try to focus on the silver lining. Take a look at your life and the good things in it, and the good things in your past. Let your heart, mind and soul find love! Sometimes we have to allow love to enter us. Love conquers all, even 'demons'. Take care and God bless.
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