Really hurt by boyfriend telling me to lose weight

Originally Posted by Captain

It's romantic but not realistic to say as you have "I love him and am attracted to him for what is in his heart and soul not his physical appearance". Embrace the physical, it's a beautiful thing.

Yes we do keep weight on when we don't want people, or those in our life to get too close. Many who have been abused and not healed yet will use excess weight as a buffer/bumper.

And some like my ex are simply being self-centered, hence the devastation when I left but that's not your case since you want him to leave.

Yes physical appearance matters to a point, all my younger years I was told "you are so beautiful", "wow, you have a perfect body" etc. and lots guys only wanting me because of my looks. But physical appearance changes!

Now that I am not so "attractive" physically and have always felt accepted and loved by my boyfriend for who I am not what I look like, which is why it hurt so much when he said that I think.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by zippyone

Yes, but these are not new issues, just the weight issue maybe being on purpose subconsciously from my side is a new thought today, thankyou.

I have accepted and am at peace with the other issues.

Settling for second best is not going to be a path to happiness. I'm not saying to ditch the family and follow your heart but more about learning to see how what you have with your family - as your boyfriend sounds decent (even if he isn't perfect) - might actually be the real prize in this life?

It's a stab in the dark, but the grass sometimes looks greener but isn't actually as it might seem but to think it is is going to wear us out.

Yes he is decent and a good dad but there has always been something missing.

When we met we had a one night stand and he was a recovering drug addict/ alcoholic and I spent months helping him and listening to his issues and that has never really changed. I do love him and he loves me very much but I think we both know that we are only together now because of the children.

By saying I am at peace with this, I mean I am not going to run off with greener grass! My true love/soulmate has a girlfriend and two children also so it is just never going to happen in this life I am sure of that now.

So I just have to make the best of and be happy with what I can have I guess. Lovely children and an okish relationship that never seems to go anywhere or develop. My days of pining for something more are over.

My boyfriend, touch wood as never commented on my weight, don't think he'd dare LOL

But because I sit in a wheelchair, I gain weight VERY easily and currently a UK size 14 to 16, depending on material of the clothing. But even having close family members say "You need to loose weight" is hurtful.

Think people who make these comments need to look at their own flaws first.

Yea, friendly confrontation often solves these kinds of situations.

You should feel as easy to communicate with him as any forum, really.

[Dragonfly1]

I can thankfully say, that i would never leave a mate purely on the basis of weight gain and appearances.....i see more in a person than the superficial...it is quite sad to read such shallow words, and one can only imagine how fortunate the overweight person was in eventually being set free to find genuine love......If a mate calls you fat, or tells you to lose weight, I think they need to take a good hard look within, and perhaps even the mirror, Im sure their reflection would be quite ugly, even if appearance seemed otherwise.....you are a child of God, made in its perfect light... just remember to be kind, and have compassion, even if you no longer feel the romantic love you once felt for your mate.....treat others as you would want to be treated yourself.....I think spiritually, some people have such a very long way to go.....even if they think they're already there.....many blessings........

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by zippyone

Yes physical appearance matters to a point, all my younger years I was told "you are so beautiful", "wow, you have a perfect body" etc. and lots guys only wanting me because of my looks. But physical appearance changes!

Now that I am not so "attractive" physically and have always felt accepted and loved by my boyfriend for who I am not what I look like, which is why it hurt so much when he said that I think.

I think it's rather appalling for your partner to focus on the physical negatively.
As if you'd have given a rat's bum about all those gents who stated obvious stuff about how good you look. Woohoo, we say. Where's your character and your maturity, gents, and what do you have to offer as a person, not as a slab of flesh? Is what many women will then say.

Women by and large don't care about holding their partners to a standard of perfection, so that they can comment "wow, you have a perfect body" and therefore, he makes the cut, presumably ??? Who fits that mold? And who cares? It's rather unappealing in its usual varieties, from its slavish devotion to muscularity to its obsession with control and carving off all fat from the bone. Or for women, you may also add the slavish devotion to implants and the like.

It's really about health and acceptance for self and love and engagement in the relationship on many levels, not just offering one's partner tight buns. If you want to care for yourself more attentively, that's great and healthy diet and exercise can be a part of that. But we all age and change, I mean really...why would anyone even negatively bring up who and what you "looked like" years ago before children and the passage of time?

If you looked at him with the same critical eye, I doubt he or any other man would pass muster. He will have to deal with his own aging and mortality issues without putting that on you. It's so lame, but sadly, very common and it's all too predictable when they look round themselves for an external cause to blame. IMO you need to hold up the mirror and demand a bit more compassion and respect.

Peace & blessings
7L

[Heaven]

What you should do is not cook dinner for him and when he ask why you are not cooking then tell him "I'm on a diet"

[Marie]

Dragonfly is right. Who is he that wants to un-do and complain over what Creator Source created? And, how can such a being grow spiritually and ever get home? How limited to 3D. And limited to unconscious, material and especially low frequency. Who are we to say what is right for another? Or judge another and wanting them to change to another size just to satisfy your LUST, which is LOW frequency? And morally and spiritually wrong especially according to free will. NO other being in this universe or other have the RIGHT to go against another beings free will. That includes push, coerce and force. Further true love has nothing to do with appearance. Only flesh and your own desires. Desire has NOTHING to do with true love. Yes. You can easily see if its really love by stay clear of intimate contact for a while. How long does it last until "love" dies? Exactly... again. Lust and love are separate. The fact that so many live by their desires and have become addicted to it gives real true love a tight condition. Which makes your partner judge you by your looks, according to desire and not according to real love and genuine care for you. If he cared for you he wouldnt dropped those words. If and i say IF a weight wouldve been health threatening he wouldve still leaved it to your choice, but encouraged healthy living in a good way by setting an example HIMSELF! And helping prepare healthy meals etc. Not just comment push and force. He has noo right. And whats worse is his lower, lustful, CONDITIONAL LOVE way of behaving is still there no matter how you look like. Who wants to be an object and not true love who loves you no matter what. And no its not true full love if its not unconditional. And definitely blockig his road home to Source. Source is NOT like that. And, its against the laws in the universe.