The one you just don't get over

[Rachella]

Hi guys. Today I feel like I'm in a pickle

There is this man I have known for nearly a decade and I just can't get over him. We had a short intense affair, just like all short affairs may turn intense, many years ago. For years it seemed like the timing was never right. At first it didn't last because the man in question was close friend to an ex boyfriend of mine. Then, over the years, he moved back to his home country, then he came back, I was in a 3 year relationship, he went to travel to another continent but then was back again. However far I have always felt deeply connected to him and experienced all the things many people talk about: telepathy, precognitive dreams, remote viewing and stuff that I had never experienced before.

Two years ago he told me he had started seeing another woman but was unsure about his own feelings to her and he didn't think he was in love. I was crushed nevertheless, so I broke off contact with him, as I felt that if he was in a relationship, however fragile, there was no point for me sticking around, it was just going to cause some more pain.

Fast forward to yesterday. It was already several weeks, if not months, that the thought of getting in touch was bugging me. Finally, yesterday I gave in, my main aim being knowing if that relationship was still going on. I know, pointless, but please bear with me.
We texted back and forth for a little while. So he is still with that woman, it lasts since two years and half. It wasn't this that shocked me but the attitude I perceived from him, he was sort of amused, cracking up silly jokes (like he said he won't get married brecause marriage is just a "girls thing".) I observed that then at some point he must have realised he was in love with her, to which he responded that he never told me he wasn't. I lastly texted that I miss talking to him but I won't text again as it's not respectful to his girlfriend. To which he responded: "yes, she's a nice girl." Finally he wished me well too and also wished me to keep enjoying the city we both live in (city that I love, while he doesn't so much.)

It's like there is no trace of the sweet person I have known for years, just by the amount of "lol" he used in his responses.

Now, I feel like a wreck. I was not expecting to feel better than this honestly, as moving on from the feelings I have for this person has been one of the hardest things in my life, and I am no spring chicken with no experience in relationships.

In the last few years I have gotten to a great degree of independence I am proud of. I go to travelling alone and enjoy my "me" time. I haven't had any relationship for the last three years.

Really, I don't wish the guy to split up with this woman, as I don't wish anyone to suffer anymore, I truly mean this. After yesterday's convo, the pull to be in contact has gone. I know it's totally nuts to butt in somebody's life after two years asking private questions, but I felt I had to do so.

The problem is that I have put plenty of time and distance between me and him but somehow it feels I only saw him yesterday. This is the way it's always been. I know there is a component of obsession to this feeling of belonging to each other, but I just can't go past it, never mind how much I live, read, write, exercise, laugh, enjoy the company of people I love. I did wish him to be well, still I think it's unfair that I still long deeply for him even long after he has made his choice.
I am stumped when I come across some journal entries of years ago, where I describe my feelings in exactly the same way I describe them now.

I have thought for a while that we may have met each other in a past life and I think he has intuited the same. I have always felt that the feelings were mutual but he just didn't want to be with me. I know I know, if someone wants to be with you they will do anything in order to do so, I know

I just want to feel better. Today I am feeling a sense of failure, as I have tried for years to put this behind my back but with no success. Today the pain is exactly the same as two years ago, or 8 years ago. I am also thinking to talk to a psychic.

I know that life heals itself when you are willing to be healed. Trying, trying and trying, and back to square 1.
Rant over. If you have suggestions please go on. Thanks for reading if you have made it this far

[Native spirit]

It seems he has moved on but you are stuck on past feelings for him.
you need to forget about him and find someone, who makes you happy
if you go into a relationship thinking about him ,its not going to work.
cut the contact with him and make a life for yourself.


Namaste

[Rachella]

Many thanks for your reply, but if you read through the post (super long, I know!) I did explain that contact was cut ages ago and resumed briefly just yesterday and don't intend to resume it again. It's also crystal clear that he has moved on, whilst for me no new relationship is in sight, and I don't plan on having any with this frame of mind honestly. I do have a life, a job, friends and I am quite an active person. I guess I was just looking for advice on how moving past this, not an evaluation of the situation itself; it is what it is and I have no power on it. Thanks anyway

[Anne]

Rachella, I think moving forward when hopes & dreams don’t pan out is one of the hardest lessons this life aims to teach. All we can do is keep putting one step in front of the other, practicing gratitude along the way.

It sounds to me the guy is wishing to cut ties gently, and attempting to use humor to alleviate any pain the situation may cause.

I would leave it at that and forgo seeking a psychic, whose interest may only be to keep the ball rolling..
..You do not need to take a back seat in his life when it is your life that matters most!! Square 1 is not a bad place to be, no matter how many times we find ourselves there.

[Rachella]

Originally Posted by Anne

Rachella, I think moving forward when hopes & dreams don’t pan out is one of the hardest lessons this life aims to teach. All we can do is keep putting one step in front of the other, practicing gratitude along the way.

It sounds to me the guy is wishing to cut ties gently, and attempting to use humor to alleviate any pain the situation may cause.

I would leave it at that and forgo seeking a psychic, whose interest may only be to keep the ball rolling..
..You do not need to take a back seat in his life when it is your life that matters most!! Square 1 is not a bad place to be, no matter how many times we find ourselves there.

Many thanks for this, I really appreciate your advice Today I am giving myself plenty of time for wallowing, hoping that I will get the message this time
It's exactly this, why am I taking so long. I am grateful for the things I have in my life, the people who love me, but this has been an open wound for years.
My interest in seeing a psychic was not in determining whether there is a future or not, but understanding why him and why are my feelings as present and fresh as many years ago.With all the loneliness and shame I feel, as I don't talk about this with anybody in real life anymore.
Have you ever seen the movie Cafe de Flores? One woman character finally comes to terms with the divorce from her husband only when their past life together is revealed, and she can take a huge step towards unconditional love.
I know that in a couple of days I will be fine and functioning again. It's not like I have to get used to him missing from my life. I only want to know why I feel the way I feel.
I too think he was being humorous in order to cut ties. It was just a bit of a shock as he was always very sensitive, including last time I saw him, when he called me to meet and then spoke about this relationship he wasn't sure about. I have never demanded anything from him, I have always been gentle and treated him with love and respect. He knows that I am a strong person, as I have had ups and downs in my life that did not include him and came out of them alone.
Sorry for blabbering again. Thanks for your kind words

[linen53]

I had a similar experience with a guy once. I met him when I was 18. He was 27. We had a wild romantic affair which didn't work out for various reasons. Some had to do with him, some had to do with me.

I later married someone else and continued correspondence (snail mail, back then) for years on and off. After the birth of my second child I met up with him once when I was in his town. We went to a basketball game together. It was like time had stood still. At one point his leg brushed up against mine and the same old feelings came flooding back. But I did nothing untoward against my then husband.

It wasn't until another 4 or 5 years had passed. He described his life exactly as it had been when we were together so many years previously. And I remember asking myself what I had ever seen in him. I had finally outgrown him.

[Rachella]

Originally Posted by linen53

I had a similar experience with a guy once. I met him when I was 18. He was 27. We had a wild romantic affair which didn't work out for various reasons. Some had to do with him, some had to do with me.

I later married someone else and continued correspondence (snail mail, back then) for years on and off. After the birth of my second child I met up with him once when I was in his town. We went to a basketball game together. It was like time had stood still. At one point his leg brushed up against mine and the same old feelings came flooding back. But I did nothing untoward against my then husband.

It wasn't until another 4 or 5 years had passed. He described his life exactly as it had been when we were together so many years previously. And I remember asking myself what I had ever seen in him. I had finally outgrown him.

Thanks Linen. Your words are always comforting. I wanted to hear a story like this. Much love