Battle with my soul's desire

[Remnantique]

I'm truly messed up. A year ago I quit my job to study and start a successful career in a field I love. My boyfriend is supporting me whilst I study. Lately, I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed, let alone study. I feel immense guilt as i'm wasting my time and my bfs money doing nothing. He's been extremely patient with me and knows I suffer motivational issues but I can't go on like this.

I can't bring myself to study. I struggled at university too and school, not because i'm not intelligent or know what i'm doing but...just an extreme laziness and lack of want for life. That being said, I don't want to kill myself! Alot of teachers have come and gone in my life, frustrated because they can see this constant battle in me and see the potential but see it going to waste.

Half the time I want to leave all the toys, games and laying about behind and make something of my life, but the other half just really cannot be bothered and at the moment whenever I get a surge of inspiration to study/work, it's not sustainable. I fizzle out like a flame.

I put this under spiritual development because I believe we each have a purpose in each life and a 'goal' that our soul wants us to build upon and we've been put into our life situations to achieve these goals (I believe in multiple lives). I definitely feel in this life, I have to learn discipline and learn to let go of the past and successfully achieve my career goals. I need to overcome my laziness and find the motivation to be who I want to be deep down.

It's like someone said in a reading for me once, that I have great things to come but i've built a house of cards and everything is easily collapsible.

I need help finding this motivation because whenever I go to pick up my pen/book to study I feel a sense of dread/sadness. Like i'd be letting go of the past and my childhood. I feel completely sapped of all my energy, like my aura is dying, hopeless. I can't even astral project to seek help from my guides. I've always struggled with energy since I was a child and oversleeping has been with me my whole life, it's all I know.

Any advice on how to shift this massive life block I have? I'm afraid to move forward and I don't know why.

Just asking because someone working part time in our local esoteric shop suffers Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Are you sure it isn't that?

The symptoms vaguely sound like that but I'm no medic. It may be worth getting a professional opinion.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by Remnantique

Any advice on how to shift this massive life block I have? I'm afraid to move forward and I don't know why.

In all honesty we live in a strange world today, most of the motivations our ancestors had such as food, shelter & safety are pretty much sorted.

Your imagination - if your anything like I am - can conjure & motivate into infinity yet it's almost like watching a t.v advert for diet pills: you see the result waaay before you should & it is easy to buy into how easy it should be.

In reality life is supposed to be hard but rewarding when we succeed.

Your greatest strength is that you realise that something is going to give at some stage. Your boyfriend could lose his patience with you (after all you are too) or at the very least you don't wish to be taking advantage even if it is not your intent.

So if it were me I'd look at it like this: Reality vs imagination.

Reality is you are not living up to your expectations, is there the possibility of not studying but getting a part-time job?

Sometimes the monotony of work, the people there all clucking around like hens is enough to make me think - nah I want more than this.

Other than that I find exercise works a treat but it needs to be simple like skipping, just to get the blood flowing.

You could start small - like deciding to cook a really nice meal & seeing the results of your effort might trigger something.

Lastly I find a good album or movie might kick start your fire - or hell even watch a few episodes of the walking dead. The 1st two series are just right tonally to see what it could be like to go back to struggling for life every day.

I can't watch too many in a row as it can be rough but boy is it inspiring at times.

This is base level reality human answers - forget the spiritual.

Every spiritual person has a constant hunger for more answers, more information but if people are honest its more imagination at play & I would be wary personally.

Lorelyen may be right also, additionally thyroid issues that can create the lack of uuumpf that you feel also but don't burden yourself with what ailments you could have if you haven't tried the basics 1st.
.

Originally Posted by Remnantique

I'm truly messed up. A year ago I quit my job to study and start a successful career in a field I love. My boyfriend is supporting me whilst I study. Lately, I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed, let alone study. I feel immense guilt as i'm wasting my time and my bfs money doing nothing. He's been extremely patient with me and knows I suffer motivational issues but I can't go on like this.

I can't bring myself to study. I struggled at university too and school, not because i'm not intelligent or know what i'm doing but...just an extreme laziness and lack of want for life. That being said, I don't want to kill myself! Alot of teachers have come and gone in my life, frustrated because they can see this constant battle in me and see the potential but see it going to waste.

Half the time I want to leave all the toys, games and laying about behind and make something of my life, but the other half just really cannot be bothered and at the moment whenever I get a surge of inspiration to study/work, it's not sustainable. I fizzle out like a flame.

I put this under spiritual development because I believe we each have a purpose in each life and a 'goal' that our soul wants us to build upon and we've been put into our life situations to achieve these goals (I believe in multiple lives). I definitely feel in this life, I have to learn discipline and learn to let go of the past and successfully achieve my career goals. I need to overcome my laziness and find the motivation to be who I want to be deep down.

It's like someone said in a reading for me once, that I have great things to come but i've built a house of cards and everything is easily collapsible.

I need help finding this motivation because whenever I go to pick up my pen/book to study I feel a sense of dread/sadness. Like i'd be letting go of the past and my childhood. I feel completely sapped of all my energy, like my aura is dying, hopeless. I can't even astral project to seek help from my guides. I've always struggled with energy since I was a child and oversleeping has been with me my whole life, it's all I know.

Any advice on how to shift this massive life block I have? I'm afraid to move forward and I don't know why.

Hi Remnantique,

I'm sorry you've been going through such a rough patch.
A few things seem to stand out in your post. You talk of guilt for wasting away your bf's money.
You talk about your non-intelligence, your laziness, your battle, your purpose all in line with the answers to that. Work harder, get some sustained motivation, and get those career choices you've made..

Maybe, just maybe...
What if you gave up the struggle. Get some rest, breathe and stop trying to achieve something. Look at your life as it is. Is it really that bad?
The whole idea of being successful seems to always be somewhere in the future. What's wrong with what you are where you are right now.

If you break apart this whole idea of a massive block that seems to solidify and coagulate everything into this one massive enemy that needs conquering it all seems like an impossible task. If a huge homework assignment seems to much to complete. break it down. Little steps. work a little only 20 minutes or so. Then take a break. treat yourself for the 20 minutes you did do and try to avoid feeling guilty over the amount you still have to do. After some you time see if you're up for another 20 minutes. If your not then that's good too.

Also how do you know that your purpose is to learn discipline, To overcome laziness, let go of the past, be who you want to be deep down? For most people that's a full life undertaking. So.. let it take your whole life. It doesn't have to be resolved in a week or a month does it?

If your house of cards fell down right now. What would be left. Who would you find at the bottom. That's you. Not this career person from a possible future. YOU ALREADY ARE WHO YOU ARE DEEP DOWN. No need to change any of it. If you think something will make you happier. Give it a go. If it does, good. If it doesn't then that's fine leave it. Nothing on the outside will make the person you are deep down change.

Hope this is somewhat useful. If it isn't disregard it.
With Love
Eelco

[Shinsoo]

I totally feel you.

My path in this lifetime is as well, based on discipline and ‘parenting the self’ as so many readings put it.

This is a really hard lesson to learn, and I feel that I myself am just not be ready to do all that my soul desires. A spiritual path should feel natural. If it isn’t sometimes it’s just not the right lifetime for it.

When that happens, if that is indeed your case, you’ll have to learn to simply appreciate what you have and turn that energy inward. Take some time to simply rejuvenate yourself. Ground yourself by doing things you know you enjoy that don’t require a bunch of energy. Or give you energy. When you’ve replenished your energy store, channel it where you feel it wants to be channeled. Maybe you’ll get a second wind, maybe you’ll wind up like me and just forgo the path. I’ve been channeling my energy elsewhere.

Just do what you feel is right. Best wishes :)

[happy soul]

Originally Posted by Remnantique

I'm truly messed up. A year ago I quit my job to study and start a successful career in a field I love. My boyfriend is supporting me whilst I study. Lately, I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed, let alone study. I feel immense guilt as i'm wasting my time and my bfs money doing nothing. He's been extremely patient with me and knows I suffer motivational issues but I can't go on like this.

I can't bring myself to study. I struggled at university too and school, not because i'm not intelligent or know what i'm doing but...just an extreme laziness and lack of want for life. That being said, I don't want to kill myself! Alot of teachers have come and gone in my life, frustrated because they can see this constant battle in me and see the potential but see it going to waste.

Half the time I want to leave all the toys, games and laying about behind and make something of my life, but the other half just really cannot be bothered and at the moment whenever I get a surge of inspiration to study/work, it's not sustainable. I fizzle out like a flame.

I put this under spiritual development because I believe we each have a purpose in each life and a 'goal' that our soul wants us to build upon and we've been put into our life situations to achieve these goals (I believe in multiple lives). I definitely feel in this life, I have to learn discipline and learn to let go of the past and successfully achieve my career goals. I need to overcome my laziness and find the motivation to be who I want to be deep down.

It's like someone said in a reading for me once, that I have great things to come but i've built a house of cards and everything is easily collapsible.

I need help finding this motivation because whenever I go to pick up my pen/book to study I feel a sense of dread/sadness. Like i'd be letting go of the past and my childhood. I feel completely sapped of all my energy, like my aura is dying, hopeless. I can't even astral project to seek help from my guides. I've always struggled with energy since I was a child and oversleeping has been with me my whole life, it's all I know.

Any advice on how to shift this massive life block I have? I'm afraid to move forward and I don't know why.

See this situation as a divine message. It's possible that it's not your soul's desire for you to pursue the career path you're currently exploring.

Abraham says that our FEELINGS are our guidance system. He says if it doesn't FEEL GOOD, then the choice is not in alignment with Source.

DO WHAT FEELS GREAT! If the path you're on isn't giving you joy, it might be the wrong path. Follow the path that gives you joy. That's what Abraham would say.

If you don't know what direction to take or what to do, don't worry. You'll know when you're ready to know. You'll receive guidance at the perfect time.

Remember, you'll be guided to do that which gives you joy. If your choices aren't making you happy, they may not be the right choices.

[Remnantique]

Originally Posted by catsquotl

Maybe, just maybe...
What if you gave up the struggle. Get some rest, breathe and stop trying to achieve something. Look at your life as it is. Is it really that bad?
The whole idea of being successful seems to always be somewhere in the future. What's wrong with what you are where you are right now.

This really hit home. Like with my sleeping problem I finally said i'm not going to try and fix my irregular sleeping and just focus on what I want to do which is study and improve my forum (hobby). Once I let go of the time pressure of having to go to bed early to fix my sleeping I found I actually wanted to do studying.

I'm probably trying too hard and need to take it easy a bit.

[Remnantique]

Originally Posted by Kristi

I totally feel you.

When that happens, if that is indeed your case, you’ll have to learn to simply appreciate what you have and turn that energy inward. Take some time to simply rejuvenate yourself. Ground yourself by doing things you know you enjoy that don’t require a bunch of energy. Or give you energy. When you’ve replenished your energy store, channel it where you feel it wants to be channeled. Maybe you’ll get a second wind, maybe you’ll wind up like me and just forgo the path. I’ve been channeling my energy elsewhere.

Just do what you feel is right. Best wishes :)

You guys are all amazing, so much amazing advice here. I almost feel better already just hearing all the support! I go through phases of excitement and failure. I'm just trying to find that middle ground.