No Fear?

There are some strange thoughts always in the back of my head, and every time I stop distracting myself long enough to think through them, I become confused and sad. Today was one of those days, and instead of finding some fun activity to do I decide to seek some helpful advice/opinions. Theres no one I can speak to about these things in my life right now, so here I am.

So here are some background beliefs:
"The opposite of death is birth, while life is permanent"
"The fear of death is the ultimate fear"
"Fear steams from the treatening of ones investments"

Number 2 I am not so sure about, what do you think?

I may be in denial, but I have no fear of loss of life. When someone dies it takes maybe 5 seconds to feel almost relieved (possibly even jealous), and as far as excitement inside. My thoughts of death should be neutral I know but it is my view of this life which causes all this.

I spent sometime really thinking about it this evening while I was in a happy mood. Am I glad to be here? And honestly I am not happy here at all. Even when I am happy I am still not attached to life. In one of my highest moments I need to reflect about whether or not I am attached to this life.

Happy or sad, I am still bored in this life, and it is confusing me. I am bored of living. Bored of this world. In the background behind all my actions and emotions :( :O >:o[, I have a straight face :l.

If life was a river I would be carelessly floating downstream, like a plastic bottle cap, lol. The sharks at sea at most annoy me because I know I must encounter them, beauty is only half appreciated because I know darkness will eventually replace it. Good follows bad follows good. Rinse and repeat.

So analyse and tell me you thoughts. I could answer more specific questions if necessary. What do you think is my underlying fear? Have you experienced these emotions before and how have you overcome them? Would you say I am becoming apathetic?

All thoughts are welcome, regardless... thank you for your consideration.

Here's a nice quote that speaks to [email protected]:
"It is no great difficulty to see why the life of diverse hedonism is unsatisfactory even on its own terms. Boredom, its ultimate enemy, is unavoidable...A life devoted to the collection of enjoyable or 'interesting' experiences is an empty life. It is not a life of spirit, but one in which spirit disappears in the multitude of diversions....When we think of it, we all know that those who are in a position to sample life's sweet diversions are no better off in any fundamental way than those who are not. We know that those who have thrown themselves into lives of self-indulgence are often racked with emptiness, loneliness, self-hatred, nostalgia, and yet are unwilling to change. Knowing all this, however, we would be reluctant ourselves to pass up the opportunity for such a life. Why is this so? Because we convince ourselves that we would be judicious in our use of pleasure. We would practice restraint....The life of superficial diversions has great attraction, as does the pastry table for the child. In the latter case it is, we know, because the child is not serious about his eating habits. So it is, also, with us....To throw oneself into indulgence is to say, 'All I am is a potential for pleasure. The more pleasure that exists, the greater I am.' No one can believe this in earnest, of course, and this is why such a life must rest upon self-deception. (John Douglas Mullen, Kierkegaard's Philosophy, New York: New American Library, 1981, p. 100-1.)"

There's a great deal that can be said about the life-death cycle and fear of death. People spend so much time distracting themselves from the thought that it gets buried deeply, thrust out of the way. When it does push through it comes with fear. Religion tried its best to assuage that fear though in recent times that has worn thin.

But it's an inevitability, so is the cycle of birth/death; and it pushed me to realise that the only thing I can take with me when I go is my life experience here. So I want to enrich that as far as possible, to reunite my selfhood with the divine. When my physical body dies, so does my ego but my spirit returns to that world from where It came.

Originally Posted by 12Aerys34

There are some strange thoughts always in the back of my head, and every time I stop distracting myself long enough to think through them, I become confused and sad. Today was one of those days, and instead of finding some fun activity to do I decide to seek some helpful advice/opinions. Theres no one I can speak to about these things in my life right now, so here I am.

So here are some background beliefs:
"The opposite of death is birth, while life is permanent"
"The fear of death is the ultimate fear"
"Fear steams from the treatening of ones investments"

Number 2 I am not so sure about, what do you think?

I may be in denial, but I have no fear of loss of life. When someone dies it takes maybe 5 seconds to feel almost relieved (possibly even jealous), and as far as excitement inside. My thoughts of death should be neutral I know but it is my view of this life which causes all this.

I spent sometime really thinking about it this evening while I was in a happy mood. Am I glad to be here? And honestly I am not happy here at all. Even when I am happy I am still not attached to life. In one of my highest moments I need to reflect about whether or not I am attached to this life.

Happy or sad, I am still bored in this life, and it is confusing me. I am bored of living. Bored of this world. In the background behind all my actions and emotions :( :O >:o[, I have a straight face :l.

If life was a river I would be carelessly floating downstream, like a plastic bottle cap, lol. The sharks at sea at most annoy me because I know I must encounter them, beauty is only half appreciated because I know darkness will eventually replace it. Good follows bad follows good. Rinse and repeat.

So analyse and tell me you thoughts. I could answer more specific questions if necessary. What do you think is my underlying fear? Have you experienced these emotions before and how have you overcome them? Would you say I am becoming apathetic?

All thoughts are welcome, regardless... thank you for your consideration.

To me, your expression of all these points you're pondering point to one thing: a lack of purpose. Fear truly is a low level emotion. Most people's fears seem to stem from anxiety and are not grounded in reality. Generally, "what if" thinking is hurtful and a waste of time and energy.

Boredom is an absolutely self-generated emotion. This means it can also be self-corrected. Finding some purpose and meaning in your life will go a long way toward eliminating that boredom, and could entirely eliminate it. To find some purpose, recognize what you're passionate about, then find a way to convert that passion into action.

Hope this helps.

I am rereading a book called the spiritual practices of the ninja. his interpretation of fear: we have 2 primal fears, the first is our perceived disconnection from the divine from being born and the second is personal responsibility. he goes on to give suggestions on how to overcome these fears.

for me i use fear as tool in order to protect my self or others.

Originally Posted by 12Aerys34

There are some strange thoughts always in the back of my head, and every time I stop distracting myself long enough to think through them, I become confused and sad.

That comes from over thinking ...
Too much time spent on a subject that cannot truly be answered creates an endless cycle ...

Originally Posted by 12Aerys34

So here are some background beliefs:
"The opposite of death is birth, while life is permanent"
"The fear of death is the ultimate fear"
"Fear steams from the treatening of ones investments"

#1 - My brain does not register life as permanent which is okay since I know it will not stop grief from knocking me down ...
I'm also fully aware there is a division between human & spiritual life; this is what I was reminded of during grief ...

#2 - I fear the death(s) of my children not my own, I also fear pain, suffering, loss & grief ...

#3 - True to an extent ...

Originally Posted by 12Aerys34

I may be in denial, but I have no fear of loss of life. When someone dies it takes maybe 5 seconds to feel almost relieved (possibly even jealous),

I understand this to mean you have not suffered a severe loss ...

Originally Posted by 12Aerys34

and as far as excitement inside. My thoughts of death should be neutral I know but it is my view of this life which causes all this.

I'd think something was truly wrong w/you if your feelings about death were neutral ...

Originally Posted by 12Aerys34

Happy or sad, I am still bored in this life, and it is confusing me. I am bored of living. Bored of this world.

What it sounds like is you're bored w/yourself, bored w/having to find things to entertain yourself, bored w/repetitiveness ...
Life can be like that when its empty & there's nothing to look forward to ...
This is a great time to learn life lessons by getting involved in volunteer work ...
Working w/the poor or sick or dying can open your eyes to a world of valuable lessons ...
Not only will it provide compassion, it could instill gratefulness for your own life & the fruits you have been given ...
I know its easy to sit & tick off on a list of volunteer work w/a sigh & bored attitude of that won't work for me (b/c it sounds dirty or too much work, etc) ...
Its not till the actual work has begun will it become meaningful ...
Its about helping others as you learn to help yourself -
JMHO ~

[Mr Interesting]

There was a quote recently, and forgive me that I always forget who says them, from a high up Monk or suchlike which basically said you must know that everything you do is meaningless but you must do it with your heart and soul.

Of interest here is doing everything in the world for ego and then finding it all meaningless and transitioning into a world where ego no longer reigns and the sense of self transitions into a higher response.

And in this regard it is similar to fears and being brave with one definition of being brave being that we feel fear but do it anyways. Alike is feeling no personal gain, no ego fulfilment, but doing something with passion and depth anyways.

I am still in this transition myself and can spend whole days doing nothing and have a huge list of chores to be done but still feel no inclination other than to meander about with my feelings going from slight boredom to a little less slight joy. I am getting better though at starting work and staying with it and just enjoying the moments within what has to be done and it's slowly becoming apparent that whether I'm doing nothing or working it's up to me to be aware within that... and within is where the joy comes from.

The thing is that even if you died today and became a soul within the afterlife... you would still be bored, and this is because what's outside of us doesn't matter, here it gets tricky, because it does matter too. It matters because it doesn't matter... that's what matters, not the matter but mattering without mattering.