Have you healed from sexual abuse?

[Unseelie Queen]

Linen, I know how that is to a degree; for many years I was unaware as to how bad it was because I was so detached and in denial. It feels like half of me is verrryyyy compartmentalized and fragmented mentally and memory-wise (and personality-wise) in part due to the abuse. I understand that integrating with these separate traumatized parts is supposed to be the goal, so I hope you're able to have that eventually, once it feels safe to do so. I've also read that it's common for memories of traumatic events to suddenly re-emerge when we're older, I suppose since we're better equipped to deal with them than we were before. I don't know.

Compendium, thank you for the kind words; what you described regarding the lack of sleep paralytic sounds very concerning but I'm glad some of it has subsided.

[LadyMay]

I'm not sure how appropriate my answer is for this.... I don't believe I have ever been physically raped, but I know I carried what I can only call "rape energy" on me as a result of violent (but not sexual) childhood abuse. And that energy eventually attracted the attention of a nasty entity (fallen angel/demon/incubus/whatever you want to call it) which raped me as real as if it were actually physical, and then made all its servants do the same thing (which by the way were in the hundreds). So, yeah... I suffered extreme trauma from that, and it took me a long time to heal, I couldn't masturbate for like a year after that, and when I met my boyfriend and we started having sex I would cry really intensely afterwards at first... but I feel in a much better place now. It's like the violent abuse I experienced in my childhood, I have come to much a better place.... but those things will always remain part of my life experience and will always make me sensitive or touchy or triggered at the littlest things. But I try to be aware of it and just let it go compassionately and get on with my life. So yeah you can definitely come to a place where you feel better.... but I don't think it's ever possible for that shattered glass to put itself back together again.

[adamkade]

Originally Posted by shivatar

My trauma came from the age of 6 and I was 22 when I first figured it all out. There was not much hope for me to heal when that much time had gone by.

However for people who were traumatized in the 12-16 age range and are seeking healing around the 13+ age range then the chances of healing is much better.

The quicker a person gets into therapy and does a full life turn-around the better their odds of healing are.

Also, there will always be "healing" to be done. As long as a person thinks of their self as wounded, they will find things to heal.

At some point a person has to forget the labels of healing and healed and all that stuff and just go "this is me". There needs to be radical acceptance of everything so they can move on. As long as a person makes distinctions inside their self, saying things like "I do ____ because of the trauma, it's not really me doing those things" they are going to drag their self back into their old wounds and will have difficulty moving on.

There is no harm that can be done by the hand of humanity that cannot be healed by The Great One.



I know from experience. I knew someone who was harmed in this way from a very early age. I have known many who have been harmed in so many different ways. They are very dear to my heart. They are my heroes. Sometimes they have hurt me indirectly because they have struck out, in their way at me. But I love them because they have undured suffering that I cannot comprehend and they are still strong enough to keep the beauty of who they truly are.

I live for them. In truth, there is a great wound running throughout humanity. Suffering is a universal experience at this time. We can not comprehend another's pain. How can I know yours and how can you know mine. Neither of us would wish to. But having suffer I know what it is like to suffer.

There is some suffering that will never be forgotten and to a point, never healed completed. At least in this realm.

I just hope that you never forget just how beautiful you are. Never stop believing this.



I love you.

[linen53]

Originally Posted by Unseelie Queen

Linen, I know how that is to a degree; for many years I was unaware as to how bad it was because I was so detached and in denial. It feels like half of me is verrryyyy compartmentalized and fragmented mentally and memory-wise (and personality-wise) in part due to the abuse. I understand that integrating with these separate traumatized parts is supposed to be the goal, so I hope you're able to have that eventually, once it feels safe to do so. I've also read that it's common for memories of traumatic events to suddenly re-emerge when we're older, I suppose since we're better equipped to deal with them than we were before. I don't know.

The therapists say we should integrate, but I think it's different for every individual. I did not integrate nor have I any intention to. I am fine just like the way I am. When I was a child, I had a unique way of not blacking out when another personality was in charge. So I was always aware of my actions. But then around six when the abuse stopped the memories got put behind closed and locked doors until I was in my 30's.

I'm fine now at 65 years of age. I have no anger issues, fear issues, panic issues or psychotic episodes anymore. It's all healed.

As I always say on this forum, I was told to forgive those who abused me. I thought that was an absurd statement. It would be like abandoning everything I ever went through and invalidate me. Just stamp "cancel" on my forehead, why don't you.

I refused to forgive them. Instead, I forgave myself. For arms that weren't strong enough to fight back, for legs not long enough to run away, for whatever behaviors that attracted these people to me, for being born a girl, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time..the list goes on. I healed myself that way. It took a few years but I made it.

I learned to nurture and love myself. Once I was healed I was balanced again. Then healing and letting go of those who had abused me was natural. Because I took care of myself first. It was my choice to let go of all of them. And I can't describe the lifting of that burden from my shoulders. It was a massive amount of weight I had been carrying around all my life. All gone.

When my childhood memories surfaced when I was in my 30's I was kicking and screaming. I wanted to do it on my terms, in my time. I didn't want to remember and I did. But I wasn't given that choice. God or whatever you want to call the Creative Force said, "It's time."

I had very little professional counseling. I thought their methods distracted me. I did most of my healing myself. And I'm here to tell you, even if you go through a professional you will still have to come to terms with your damage yourself. Only you can heal yourself. But it takes a very lot of time. But well worth.

[AngelRain]

I believe you can heal from anything. However, for something as serious as sexual abuse, it will certainly take time. I've been cleansing my chakras for more than 3 years and I'm still peeling away the layers of past hurts. Through chakra healing and cleansing I have found the answers to so many things that I once blamed myself for. I suddenly understood where all of my anger and regret stemmed from, in this last and a few others.

I too experienced sexual abuse in my early 20s on three seperate occasions. it really messed me up and threw me into a dark world. I think most people either are not willing to do the work (because there is a lot) or have no access to things which could help them heal. I learned a lot from reading about the chakra, but even more through actually meditating on them. Memory is stored in different parts of the body. Mine greatly effected my digested system and instilled me with an intense fear that I would not wish on anyone. It got so bad that I was scared to even step out of the house. I'd get panic attacks when the sun started to go down, and I was just always worried about the future. Meditation has brought me closure and understanding. While I'm not sure I believe that we have chosen the life we live, it had helped me to let go of what I have had to go through. I understand no one is perfect. We have all been betrayed and have also betrayed others.

[Compendium]

Linen I have done so much therapy I started when I was 12 and stopped when I was 36. This of course is all off and on a year or so on and a few years off.

I did fragment,but when I was 17 I encountered a trigger which caused me to remember every instance of sexual assault I had been through in one single flash back. I was forced to relive all of it and it was like it happened all over again. Multiple incidence several different men. I tried to go to my school counselor and she didnt believe me so I kept my mouth shut for months.

Therapy only works if you have a good therapist that gives feedback and very few do. Instead you end up stuck in a victim mindset reliving your trauma and the therapist is like talking to a wall. My husband helped me through it.

Namaste`

[linen53]

Mine came back when I was in my 30s. I moved back to my home state after being away for 13 years. Found a low income apartment. Then over a 6 month period of time the memories came back. Mine was like a movie. First I was introduced to the part of me that held the memories and then the visual memories came one frame at a time. Go so far and then start at the beginning and go through it again adding one extra frame each time. One fragmented part of me at a time until all had had their say and all was revealed.

YES, I had to relive it to a second time.

I amazed I survived it intact. Even more amazed I didn't end my life. But I didn't and I'm glad I didn't.

By the time I met my current husband I had been at the 'rage' stage for about 3 years after all the memories were revealed. Our first year together I let it all out and I raged and I raged. And my, then boyfriend took it all.

One day I looked inside myself and realized there was nothing but calm. It was all gone. The hurt, the rage. All gone. Told my bf and he said it was all worth if if it helped me heal. I also realized I had expressed all the rage I needed to. I was tired and just wanted to move on.

So yeah I do understand these husbands we have.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by adamkade

There is no harm that can be done by the hand of humanity that cannot be healed by The Great One.



I know from experience. I knew someone who was harmed in this way from a very early age. I have known many who have been harmed in so many different ways. They are very dear to my heart. They are my heroes. Sometimes they have hurt me indirectly because they have struck out, in their way at me. But I love them because they have undured suffering that I cannot comprehend and they are still strong enough to keep the beauty of who they truly are.

I live for them. In truth, there is a great wound running throughout humanity. Suffering is a universal experience at this time. We can not comprehend another's pain. How can I know yours and how can you know mine. Neither of us would wish to. But having suffer I know what it is like to suffer.

There is some suffering that will never be forgotten and to a point, never healed completed. At least in this realm.

I just hope that you never forget just how beautiful you are. Never stop believing this.



I love you.

thanks adam. much love to you too brother

[Lynn]

Hello

I wonder if healing at times is the right word or the right direction when we are counselled to heal. I do not feel we ever heal those wounds more we grow into that place where we can accept it happened and that we survived it. In that claiming survirorship I have found that I was able to grow past that dark place of being raped by my EX (at a time when spousal abuse as not seen as rape or even that bad). I was with him 33 years and it was at times a very dark relationship but it held for me a meaning and path of growth. I do not condone abuse nor if I could do it again would I stay the course.

It was an attempted rape at his hands so many years later that made me see I had to get out and that I could get out. It was the afternoon I will in both cases never forget and never forgive him for. I too know that Karma will play a role with him if not in this life in a life to come. I so have feelings of chopping him to bits and scattering him everywhere, but like my kids say Karma plays a role in that if I was to go to that place and I well know that. I can dream though....and at times those dreams give me the strength to talk about what happened to me and help other's in the same situation get out alive.

We are so told and I was over and over "Forgive and Forget" and that does not work, what did work was embrace I am here and stronger in the power I survived.

Lynn

[linen53]

Forgive and forget is a Band-Aid ® on a gaping wound. And you are right, it doesn't work.

I know I have actually healed because I hold no animosity towards those who harmed me. I have been able to release them. No vengeful thoughts, no wishes for violence to plague them. I just let them go.