Tomorrow it's been a month since he broke up with me.
It hasn't been easy, but I feel I've come quite the long way within this month. Further than I've ever gotten before after a breakup.
Oddly enough I got this ridiculous drive to work on my goals again almost right away. I now see I got distracted from that because of all the triggering. That ate a lot of time and energy.
What I've done so far...
- first get out of the house for a few days, went to a friend. Just to be out of here, have company, be in a different environment (different city and area) and also to not get flooded with the many memories here in my home from me and him. Too painful.
- Talk to friends, get their support, tell my story, accept their support.
- Adamant to not wallow in sorrow and pain for weeks on end. Feeling this drive to focus on my goals helped a lot.
- ALlowing myself to grieve so I don't suppress it.
- I needed warmth and lights, so I put the Christmas tree up on November 21, haha. Never done that so early. But I really needed it! And I'm glad I did, it helped me.
- What helped greatly was to hear from a very gifted medium / paranormal woman (friend of mine) that something much better was going to come. I've been told this before, but I thought I was with him already. I guess not... Hearing this did me good, in spite of my pain. Knowing something grand is in store for me was wonderful news.
- Not looking at photos, his FB, our chat history and so on. Avoid it like the plague. Way way way too painful.
- Not look back to avoid drowning myself in memories of all the great times we had together. I didn't succeed 100% of course, I'm only human. And at some point there's the "Why?!?!" during which you do look back. But I tried to avoid it as much as possible. Instead I tried focusing on the now and my future.
- I am partaking a kindness challenge (access consciousness). Does me a lot of good. Helps get me in the 'now', in touch with 'me' and my body and what it needs. Gets the focus of pain and sorrow and helps to be more positive
- Abraham Hicks clips on YouTube on how to move on after a breakup helped me a great deal to get to a more positive vibration.
- Doing a training on attracting money, success and prosperity. Also does me a lot of good, requires a lot of soul searching and gave me more insight in why a partner is so (too) important to me.
- Things miraculously starting happening. I 'coincidentally' found out about this training, the challenge, another coach on limiting beliefs (also handy as I do have limiting beliefs on being worthy to have a wonderful relationship/partner), found out there is a possibility to do a study. Also came across several therapies that might alleviate / cure my neck injury which stops me from working and so on.
So instead of things going down the drain, suddenly things started happening, really bizarre. In spite of my pain and loss, I am in the flow it seems?
- I still see 11:11, 22:22, 2:22, 21:21 and so on A LOT! Really odd...
- I managed to not get in touch with him. Only had 1 moment where this was extremely difficult.
- I went on a date with another man. Not seeing him anymore, was a one-time thing and I knew that upfront. I'm nowhere near ready for anything serious, not even casual dating really.
But I needed it, well, my ego did, grin. And it did me a world of good as well
So I'm glad I did that.
- Regularly doing the Free Meditation Kit from Cassady Cayne helps too when I feel chite. It does make me cry, but I need that release too.
- I'm changing things in the house. Nothing major, but got some really nice new decorative things in. Pots, vases, bottles, all really feminine stuff, hihi. But I'm loving it!! It really nurtures me, does me good. I got myself 2 plants as well :)
- Not latching on to stupid little things. For instance, immediately remove his toothbrush from the bathroom. Don't dreamily cry in 'his' towel. It's mine really, but he always used it. Just wash it, put it in the cupboard, no teenage sniffing stuff. In the past I would've almost framed his toothbrush, not washed that towel ever anymore, that kind of silly stuff. Not this time.
- I'm still wearing the ring he bought me for my birthday. I wanted it for me, it symbolized the relationship with me myself and I. He bought it for me, but it still is MY ring. So I still wear it.
- I faced / am facing pain and stuff more head-on than ever before. Sometimes I have to swallow, yes. Even going to the supermarket was difficult at first. Looking at the things we bought together, or how we chose nice things to nibble in the evening, or stuff for a meal.
It's not easy, it still isn't. I still miss him, still love him with all my heart, still hurt that he's with another woman and likely has already forgotten me, not thinking about us anymore as if it meant nothing. Especially that last part hurts. Bad. The fact that he hadn't been honest. Very painful, cos he was the first man I truly completely trusted.
I miss the conversations, getting his advice, his opinion and views which always helped me tremendously. Hearing his voice, seeing him again, and so on.
But there ARE plenty of things you can do to get through it and get over it. And I am proud that I am not wallowing in sorrow day in day out. I am looking forward to finding new love again. I'm not ready yet. But I am looking forward to it.
How this bond between us will work out, I don't know. I try not to go there too much. It's only been a mere 3-4 days that I'm feeling better again after going through the 'angry phase'. Don't want to drag up memories and feelings too much right now.
Time will tell how it will go concerning feeling this bond, or not.
But I am much stronger than I ever have been in the past. I am handling it, I am moving on and slowly moving towards acceptance and letting go.
Linear Mode
