'Spiritually Frustrated'

[Akashic Scholar]

At some point in our spiritual development some of us may come to a point where we feel we have an 'edge' on our circle of influence. Then we come to a realization that this is prideful thinking, and thus the energy is doing more harm than good to our spiritual growth. One must put himself out into the world to learn the lessons of life rather than just read about them...

A wise man once told me that "Any boy can become a man, but a man cannot become a 'great man' on his sole life-wisdom alone'.

From time to time I find myself becoming self-indulged within my studies, and I don't know how to share my knowledge with people around me. I made two threads way way earlier in the year, having ambitions to share my experiences and learn from others spiritual growth. What stopped me was my growing apathetic attitude towards my own spiritual development shortly after those postings. I came to a realization that there was no denying how the essential mechanics of our universe works on the physical and spiritual plain of existence. If you saw the list of topics I've studied in my first thread, someone out there might understand what I'm going through. I think I went too far too fast, and my perspective may be off because of this fact. I feel overwhelmed by the consequences of what I know, and worry how I shall be held accountable throughout my life when I meet my maker. I understand how energy works, how to use it, and how to transform my life through meditation. Yet I've fallen into the trap of sloth and earthy desires to distract myself from the truth - and well, I know that is below me and I can do much better with my life...

I suppose me rambling on here has exposed the greater sin of mine: Pride Because I've fallen into the trap of thinking I don't need to conform to the rules of God's universe because I hate doing my 'spiritual homework' now. Why? Because carnal desire is more fun. Yes, learning about our spiritual anatomy and the inner workings of the astral world AND 'sigh' what the hell happens to us after death was fun and reassuring... But at the same time I know through the great super-consciousness (whom God gave each of us an individual access too) tells me the damn consequences of living sinfully. So its just better to do nothing at all... aha, but that's the sin of Sloth and Pride I mentioned earlier... so... arguing with the better half of my subconscious mind just goes nowhere because I know better, and I should act accordingly in my daily life.

Someone is bound to be chuckling by now, and that's fine. I'm answering a lot of my own inquiries in a way, just not choosing to act on them - mainly due to fear. When I began my research, I started to become more susceptible to spiritual activity. Say about a year ago, I wouldn't necessarily see spirits everywhere all the time, but just enough to the point where I wasn't quite prepared to handle the negative that goes along with being spiritually aware. I've seen good and evil spirits - lately more evil spirits probably because of my rejection of the truth. Yet I understand God allowed Evil's existence in this universe so we can have a choice to have faith in him, thus embrace the challenges his Enemy puts in our daily lives to make us stronger examples. I figured if I stopped my studies I'd see less spirits and aura activity, but it hasn't changed much irregardless. I need help because I am alone - I know I'm not alone in a spiritual sense when I choose to ask for forgiveness and be faithful, but I need to be around other people physically that can understand what I'm going through. And until that time, I will happily use these forums to try and connect with individuals whom can impart wisdom I'm ignorant to.

I'm beginning to do more work with my aura and chakra's again. I'm not ashamed to admit that mine is quite muddied from being neglectful, however it's getting better. If it weren't for me beginning to see shades of blackness in my aura, then I could have potentially been in a worse predicament than I am. It's very hard to receive light, but that's partially due to a great deal of things already mentioned. I probably need to pray more too.

My Solar Plexus chakra is barely detectable along with the Sacrum. This is most likely due to my attitude towards my job and life in general (in a way, my job is my life). I work in retail, and anyone here that understands the life knows it is very demanding and stressful (of course everyone's job is like that anymore - but retail has always been the most notorious for intentionally treating their employes lower than dirt) ---Anyways..... Unfortunately I'm in management - which all the better should make my constant dealings with people more of a spiritual challenge, right???... Trust me, I have tried to turn my 'work life' into a secret test of those sorts, and well, no one's perfect. Enough said.
If you think about it, most stores are like spiritual warehouses. So many people coming and going, leaving bits and parts of their energies in an enclosed atmosphere... It all makes a perfect cesspool for poltergeist and other chaotic entities to fester up when the store is closed in the still of the evening. In-fact, its so normal for me to sense this stuff now, that it's almost like seeing a bus drive by outside anymore. Maybe God's allowing me to see all this because I simply need to find another career, one that's going to allow me to have a life and not dwell on things I cannot change. There is a lot of conflict with me being in retail management. I don't believe browbeating your employees is the way to make them work better; and I have to say I really resent and even hate the company I work for because of their outdated philosophies. Its even harder when you have a father whom is a supervisor for the same company you work for. Your work life tends to interweave a great deal into your personal life, and it gets old talking about work all the damn time...

Reluctantly I am trying to forgive and let go of my hatred so I can move forward, but I cant do it alone. So there's my rant for today.

If there is anyone that can lend any wise advice I'll gladly hear you out with utmost humility.

Thanks in advance.

~A.S.

[CrystalSong]

Hi and Welcome, you have a very interesting mix of Higher Awareness experiences mixed with ingrained dogma, I can understand why you are feeling mixed, muddled and generally frustrated.

Another way of saying it is - you're over thinking.
My 1st Guru used to say to me "You can't think your way out of this, because your thinking got you into it!"

He would then laugh himself silly and drive me nuts with that laughter, it was like he knew the greatest secret in the world and I couldn't crack his New World Zen Koan.
Eventually I did, and now share his laughter. It really is the thinking that is your block, you're brain has usurped control so ego can stay in power. You are not your brain tho, nor are you your body. You are an energy Being (Spirit) having a temporary human experience, which includes for this act of the Great Stage, a human brain operating system and a body vehicle.

So maybe come at this from a different angle - Discover the LOVE that you actually are and all the rest will fall into place.
Read Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" or a similar book which delves into what the egoaic structure is and how to get behind the mask of the brain to reach the eternal Spirit your really are, when you do that you will discover the great secrets that will set you Free, bring Peace and Joy as a constant state of beingness.

And yes, you can do it alone, inside is where the answers are found, and only you can go inside you, behind your brain and discover the YOU you always are and have been behind the illusion of the thinking mind. We all have to do it alone and when we make that inward Journey, we discover we are not and never have been nor can be - Alone.

Jesus said "A man can have (list a whole bunch of corporeal sparklie things) but hath not Love then he is nothing."
Discover the LOVE to fit the much needed piece into your well researched puzzle.

Cheers!

[Akashic Scholar]

Sorry for the late response. I have a very hectic schedule.

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

Hi and Welcome, you have a very interesting mix of Higher Awareness experiences mixed with ingrained dogma, I can understand why you are feeling mixed, muddled and generally frustrated.

Thank you for your kind words. My upbringing in religious beliefs was rather general - nondenominational Christianity. My mother was Catholic and my Father Baptist, so you can imagine how that worked out. So thus my religious freedom under a compromising relationship in that sense. lol

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

He would then laugh himself silly and drive me nuts with that laughter, it was like he knew the greatest secret in the world and I couldn't crack his New World Zen Koan.
Eventually I did, and now share his laughter. It really is the thinking that is your block, you're brain has usurped control so ego can stay in power. You are not your brain tho, nor are you your body. You are an energy Being (Spirit) having a temporary human experience, which includes for this act of the Great Stage, a human brain operating system and a body vehicle.

I understand the concept of changing one's perspective through thought alone. There is a popular new age book out their called 'The Secret' which cover's a similar belief to that of your Guru's. I agree with it to a point. I don't believe humans are suppose to be void of ALL ego, otherwise we'd lose our own individual personalities, and eventually become 'vacuums' for all sorts of things - I believe that is what happened to me: I was having such a fun time on this mystical journey reading and meditating, that I became 'ungrounded', and then becoming susceptible to confusion. My point is that one has to have 'some' ego to understand and ward off undesirable energies brought on into your life.

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

So maybe come at this from a different angle - Discover the LOVE that you actually are and all the rest will fall into place.
Read Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" or a similar book which delves into what the egoaic structure is and how to get behind the mask of the brain to reach the eternal Spirit your really are, when you do that you will discover the great secrets that will set you Free, bring Peace and Joy as a constant state of beingness.

I agree, love is the most powerful energy that can heal wounds brought on about our personal daily life. But I find myself relying more so on the universal love brought down through my crown chakra. Its a warm flowing sensation that flows down and around the temples of my face, I considerate it like my spiritual baptism in most literal form. The energy will go down to my Heart Chakra, then stop. It is extremely difficult to 'let myself go' and have the energy reach my solar plexus and root, thus only my aura partially gets clensed. And I know why: I have hardened my emotions so much over the years as a defense mechanism that my emotional center (solar plexus chakra) is like a stone barrier. Don't get me wrong, you'd think I was a mean person, but I am quite kind at heart (no pun intended). But I suppose their is a platonic callousness underlining my being because I have need to let go of certain things that haven't happened the way I'd like to in the past, and only love of myself and life can allow me to move forward.

Maybe if I tried harder having a life I wouldn't be in such a mood. Someone once told me: Work to live, don't live to work. And the latter is exactly what I'm doing, and soon must rectify. If you say that book 'A New Earth' might help, I will surely look into getting it. I have time to read every now and then. heh.

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

And yes, you can do it alone, inside is where the answers are found, and only you can go inside you, behind your brain and discover the YOU you always are and have been behind the illusion of the thinking mind. We all have to do it alone and when we make that inward Journey, we discover we are not and never have been nor can be - Alone.

Jesus said "A man can have (list a whole bunch of corporeal sparklie things) but hath not Love then he is nothing."
Discover the LOVE to fit the much needed piece into your well researched puzzle.

Cheers!

I suppose that is what I meant by being alone, but not really being alone because Jesus can help us along the way through life. In a way I kind of know the solution to my struggles, its just getting out of the lethargic apathetic attitude I have allowed myself to get into because of grudges that need be let go.

Again, thank you for your kind words. I need to be getting to work now. Hope to hear a reply when you can!

~A.S.

[CrystalSong]

Originally Posted by Akashic Scholar

I suppose that is what I meant by being alone, but not really being alone because Jesus can help us along the way through life. In a way I kind of know the solution to my struggles, its just getting out of the lethargic apathetic attitude I have allowed myself to get into because of grudges that need be let go.

Again, thank you for your kind words. I need to be getting to work now. Hope to hear a reply when you can!

~A.S.

Yeah grudges, among other things, are Kill-Joy's.
It's a choice, we can learn from any and everything, I'm not seeing a downside. Sometimes we learn quicker from the things that steal our joy than from being in a state of Joy. So right now you are learning how holding grudges and other emotions that aren't Love and Compassion based reduce your own pleasure in life and steal your Joy.

You can change your mind and discover the Love that you really are and live through it whenever you feel you've learned enough on the route you are on.
It's pretty cool.... all this dualism, we can change our mind and decide to live in a different manner at anytime and see how that works out.

Planet Earth is a pretty cool experiment really...we can just keep experimenting, trying out new and different approaches which help us more closer o that which brings us Joy and helps us to really enjoy living or we can explore off down paths which bring us great pain and see how that feels.

Personally I did a lot of 'painful path' exploring so now am experimenting with new mental constructs, that's no to say I may not reverse course again and go down another painful path...pain does seem to accelerate the learning curve!!

[Morpheus]

At some point in our spiritual development some of us may come to a point where we feel we have an 'edge' on our circle of influence. Then we come to a realization that this is prideful thinking, and thus the energy is doing more harm than good to our spiritual growth. One must put himself out into the world to learn the lessons of life rather than just read about them...

A wise man once told me that "Any boy can become a man, but a man cannot become a 'great man' on his sole life-wisdom alone'.

From time to time I find myself becoming self-indulged within my studies, and I don't know how to share my knowledge with people around me. I made two threads way way earlier in the year, having ambitions to share my experiences and learn from others spiritual growth. What stopped me was my growing apathetic attitude towards my own spiritual development shortly after those postings. I came to a realization that there was no denying how the essential mechanics of our universe works on the physical and spiritual plain of existence. If you saw the list of topics I've studied in my first thread, someone out there might understand what I'm going through. I think I went too far too fast, and my perspective may be off because of this fact. I feel overwhelmed by the consequences of what I know, and worry how I shall be held accountable throughout my life when I meet my maker. I understand how energy works, how to use it, and how to transform my life through meditation. Yet I've fallen into the trap of sloth and earthy desires to distract myself from the truth - and well, I know that is below me and I can do much better with my life...

I suppose me rambling on here has exposed the greater sin of mine: Pride Because I've fallen into the trap of thinking I don't need to conform to the rules of God's universe because I hate doing my 'spiritual homework' now. Why? Because carnal desire is more fun. Yes, learning about our spiritual anatomy and the inner workings of the astral world AND 'sigh' what the hell happens to us after death was fun and reassuring... But at the same time I know through the great super-consciousness (whom God gave each of us an individual access too) tells me the damn consequences of living sinfully.
So its just better to do nothing at all... aha, but that's the sin of Sloth and Pride I mentioned earlier... so... arguing with the better half of my subconscious mind just goes nowhere because I know better, and I should act accordingly in my daily life.

Since you brought this up, may I also say that there is such a thing as, "spiritual gluttony". Learning, learning, learning... and never sharing.

No matter how we may assess ourselves regarding our "spiritual growth". Grace is in effect. Mercy, and salvation. This is for our relief, and our joy. Which some foolishly reject.

What also did Jesus tell us about discerning where we are, in relation to the Truth? How does the world around us react to the Truth? He stated that ,"No servant is greater than his master."

With respect to how we regard this life in the material world, in time and space, what did they do to Jesus?
The disciples?
And, what continues today? Understand this, and understand what true spirituality is.
www.persecution.org