Healthy love

[SaraTherase]

One is not capable of loving someone unconditionally if they do not love themselves. When you are incapable of loving yourself, you will always accept being treated less or inferior giving your personal power and sense of self-worth to the other person, this causes the person who does not love themselves to feel less and insignificant. To regain or re balance themselves they then set conditions for the other person to adhere to. This gives the person unable to love themselves a false sense of comfort and reassurance which inevitably leads to bitterness and resentment building within the other person.

Love is an agreement. A conscious and subconscious one. A man marries a woman for her own good and likewise because man and woman are good for each other, they both bring opposing aspects and responsibilities to one another, a duality and polarity that is reminiscent of the yin/yang, halves that make a whole. Everyone deserves what and who they are as a person. A virtuous and morally good man will attract that in a woman. If a man corrects his flaws he will attract a better love.

Healthy love
 Allows for individuality
 Brings out partners best qualities
 Accepts endings
 Experiences openness to change
 Invites growth in the partner
 Experiences true intimacy
 Finds pleasure in giving and receiving
 Does not try to change partner
 Does not try to control partner
 Accepts limitations of self and partner
 Does not seek unconditional love
 Has individual high self esteem
 Trusts the memory of the partner
 Expresses feelings spontaneously
 Welcomes affection and closeness
 Believes in equality

Unhealthy love
 Feeling consumed in the relationship
 Extremely afraid to let go
 Excessive fear of risk or change
 Little individual growth
 Few truly intimate experiences
 Playing mind games
 Trying to get something by giving
 Trying to change people
 Needing others to feel secure and happy
 Refusing to commit
 Repeatedly experience of negative feelings
 Being afraid of affection and closeness
 Cares with excessive detachment
 Frequent playing of power games
 Looking to others for self-worth

Detaching does not mean we don’t care. It means we learn to love, care and be involved without going crazy. We stop creating all the chaos in our minds and environments. When we are not anxiously and compulsively thrashing about, we become able to make good decisions about how to love people, and how to solve our problems. We become free to care and to love in ways that help others and don’t hurt ourselves.

When we love something, it is of value to us, and when something is of value to us we spend time with it, time enjoying it and time taking care of it.

Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.

Every-one wants to be loved. But first we must make ourselves lovable. We must prepare ourselves to be loved. We do this by becoming ourselves loving, disciplined human beings. If we seek to be loved-if we expect to be loved-this cannot be accomplished; we will be dependent and grasping, not genuinely loving. But when we nurture ourselves and others with -out a primary concern of finding reward, then we will have become lovable, and the reward of being loved, which we have not sought, will find us.

Genuine unconditional love is pretty rare. Too often insidious demands or expectations emerge. To me, loving yourself resolves as self-confidence. I often see this "loving yourself" when under instruction leading to self-centredness that undermines any hope of unconditional love simply because it refers back to the expectations of the "self-lover" when they try to embrace someone unconditionally. "I love him unconditionally - why doesn't he feel the same for me?" kind of thin

[SaraTherase]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Genuine unconditional love is pretty rare. Too often insidious demands or expectations emerge. To me, loving yourself resolves as self-confidence. I often see this "loving yourself" when under instruction leading to self-centredness that undermines any hope of unconditional love simply because it refers back to the expectations of the "self-lover" when they try to embrace someone unconditionally. "I love him unconditionally - why doesn't he feel the same for me?" kind of thin

I understand what your saying Lorelyen. Imo love that which triggers demands and expectations is not unconditional. Loving yourself to the point where you become very self centered or selfish is egotistical. Unconditional love is without expectation.

Self confidence is a great way imo to gauge where you are at in relation to self love and overall self esteem.

[carebear]

Hi sara, no long no see. Love your positive message and encouragement

[Angel44]

Loving yourself means accepting yourself totally including the dark parts. It means being whole with no need for anything or anyone else, therefore you will have NO expectations of another. You don’t need anyone else to make you feel good about yourself.

At this point you are not only loving yourself, you ARE love. This is the goal folks!! Until one reaches this point, they are incapable of loving unconditionally. As Lorelyn stated it’s pretty rare.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Angel44

Loving yourself means accepting yourself totally including the dark parts. It means being whole with no need for anything or anyone else, therefore you will have NO expectations of another. You don’t need anyone else to make you feel good about yourself.

At this point you are not only loving yourself, you ARE love. This is the goal folks!! Until one reaches this point, they are incapable of loving unconditionally. As Lorelyn stated it’s pretty rare.

Yep, this is it in a nutshell, couldn't have put it better myself. And so our ability to love unconditionally is largely dependent on our ability to see in ourselves what we would probably rather not see, feel what we would rather not feel - that we feel powerless, maybe, or that we think ourselves hateful and fundamentally unworthy of love. Then we allow ourselves to feel the pain underlying those beliefs - we figure out how to allow them (this is the essence of meditation, I believe) - and we no longer attempt to numb or distract ourselves from what feels painful or uncomfortable.

This is what self-acceptance really means, it is a visceral rather than a psychological process and it requires courage, perseverance, and a desire for truth that is stronger than the desire for comfort and security. But most of us are resistant to this sort of inner work, we would rather be comfortable than be truly free. And yet in order to be able to truly love unconditionally, I believe that this is what is required.

[SaraTherase]

Originally Posted by carebear

Hi sara, no long no see. Love your positive message and encouragement

Hello Thanks for the kind words. I hope all is well

[SaraTherase]

Originally Posted by Angel44

Loving yourself means accepting yourself totally including the dark parts. It means being whole with no need for anything or anyone else, therefore you will have NO expectations of another. You don’t need anyone else to make you feel good about yourself.

At this point you are not only loving yourself, you ARE love. This is the goal folks!! Until one reaches this point, they are incapable of loving unconditionally. As Lorelyn stated it’s pretty rare.

I think loving yourself is not only accepting yourself but also being aware of yourself. Who you are presently, whom you wish to be and the link between the two. This link to me is the ever present timeless journey that which we are all on.

What you say is not only valid but so valuable. 'You ARE love' so very true!

[Anne]

I do believe I am Love!

Parents, children, co-workers and friends may come along and occasionally tick me off, but at the end of the day, I know I have unconditional love for these others! They are on their own journey, and it is totally useless to harbor expectations, incite demands and hold grudges. Maybe I’m a doormat, maybe not.. but sure enough, if I can ‘accept and allow’ I am well down the path toward unconditional love.

The issue it seems is when one is dealing with a potential partner/love interest.
When romance is involved there seems an air of delicious anticipation and expectation; hopefully our innermost dreams & desires will be met regarding communication, connection and togetherness with another.

..Needs that no amount of self-love will satisfy...

[Rachella]

Originally Posted by Anne

I do believe I am Love!

Parents, children, co-workers and friends may come along and occasionally tick me off, but at the end of the day, I know I have unconditional love for these others! They are on their own journey, and it is totally useless to harbor expectations, incite demands and hold grudges. Maybe I’m a doormat, maybe not.. but sure enough, if I can ‘accept and allow’ I am well down the path toward unconditional love.

The issue it seems is when one is dealing with a potential partner/love interest.
When romance is involved there seems an air of delicious anticipation and expectation; hopefully our innermost dreams & desires will be met regarding communication, connection and togetherness with another.

..Needs that no amount of self-love will satisfy...

Beautiful and very much resonated with where I am right now, thanks