Forgiveness

[LibraIndigo]

They say forgiveness is important and necessary.
I know this and I especially know it and agree from the stand point that that I don't want to "see" certain of these people again in future lives in order to deal with it. In my case it's a narcisstistic parent whose thoughts and actions have been detrimental to my life on many levels. I realize now that my plan was to deal with it until 18 and then break free and move on, but I let it go on for 10 more years because of how "society" says we are supposed to be. I now realize this was a huge mistake as 10 more years of damage has been done.

Now I finally broke free from it, and every psychic and intuitive I talk to says I have done the right thing. But now I am faced with "forgiveness". I think it would have been easier to forgive had I broken free 10 years ago but it just went on for so long as well as the destruction.

I am at odds on how I can "forgive" this person when I am still dealing with their effect on my life thus far.

How can you forgive someone when it seems their purpose in life was to destroy every single thing that makes you happy? Weather it be ruining your plans for a trip or vacation somewhere or meddling in your friendships and relationships?

[Clover]

I don't really have a good answer, I feel we all process and react to people and emotion differently. Some people seek/desire forgiveness while others take on a different approach and use alternative techniques to heal emotional energy rather than 'deal' with the person directly..I suppose it's a personal choice and what resonates or works for you when that pain/conflict arises

I will say though, I do think parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. The responsibility in raising another human being can be overwhelming, especially if one has not dealt with their own inner conflict and child hood demons. There are a lot of people walking around in pain, parents are no exception, we do the best we can with what we know, unfortunately, that pain may translate in undesirable behaviors.




I really love this video by one of my favorite authors Caroline Myss, I love her soul perspective in forgiveness/soul healing. Maybe it will resonate with someone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Sz4jJJE8HU

I've read a few topics here about forgiveness and how it's important to forgive (or not) but I wonder how it actually proceeds. I mean, how does one actually forgive - and does the process and depth depend on what's being forgiven.

I'm interested because I'm not a natural forgiver. What's done is done. It's up to the culprit (let's can them the "forgivee") to seek absolution in whatever way they can. For that they have to own up to their act being a misdemeanour. If the forgivee doesn't admit to whatever it was being bad or wrong then they can't see a reason for being forgiven.

Originally Posted by LibraIndigo

They say forgiveness is important and necessary.

But who are "they"? What is the rationale? WHo are we to forgive?

I read people here saying "just let go and you'll feel better". Is it always that easy? As you find your spiritual footing, the prison of your childhood often looms. Can you forgive the "sins" committed against you by those who should have nurtured you? Can the girl raped violently forgive her attacker the trauma? Can the murderer of an only child cherished by their parents ever be forgiven. It's never going to happen. Spew out all the soft words the forgiver likes but the trauma isn't going to go away - so the forgiver will never feel truly better even if they claim to be....unless they can show that whatever it was is now irrelevant in their lives.

I mean, it's ok if someone nicks a pen from my writing desk. That's a mere peccadillo - but is it the start of something bigger? I forgive in one sense but I'm wary now. Next time it might be my petty cash tin!

I think in your situation just as mine with my parents, I hold no grudges. I do nothing. I can't forgive them for they know not what they did. But they wouldn't get another chance at me. I'm no doormat. So lt was easy to let go and questionable whether forgiveness was even possible or necessary. If they felt they did me wrong I'm not going to assuage their consciences with an "I forgive". No, they must move forward and deal with it on their own. Let them gain "feeling better" through act and deed to others to soften any guilt.



♥

[jadewilson16]

Originally Posted by LibraIndigo

They say forgiveness is important and necessary.
I know this and I especially know it and agree from the stand point that that I don't want to "see" certain of these people again in future lives in order to deal with it. In my case it's a narcisstistic parent whose thoughts and actions have been detrimental to my life on many levels. I realize now that my plan was to deal with it until 18 and then break free and move on, but I let it go on for 10 more years because of how "society" says we are supposed to be. I now realize this was a huge mistake as 10 more years of damage has been done.

Now I finally broke free from it, and every psychic and intuitive I talk to says I have done the right thing. But now I am faced with "forgiveness". I think it would have been easier to forgive had I broken free 10 years ago but it just went on for so long as well as the destruction.

I am at odds on how I can "forgive" this person when I am still dealing with their effect on my life thus far.

How can you forgive someone when it seems their purpose in life was to destroy every single thing that makes you happy? Weather it be ruining your plans for a trip or vacation somewhere or meddling in your friendships and relationships?

Forgiveness can take a long time. You have been put through a lot by them. At the moment it could feel as thought it is a hard decision because everything is raw. Whilst you have physically dealt with the anger and the pain, emotionally you haven't fully recovered. Like you said things they did impacted your life in many different ways and I wouldn't be surprised if it still does now.
Instead of worrying and thinking about how to forgive them, why don't you tell yourself that one day you will. this way there is no pressure on yourself to forgive them for everything now. From what you wrote you had 28 years of someone making you second guess everything you do. Feel free to message me if you would like any more support xx

[Raziel]

Hi there,

It would appear that there was a final straw for you & I would say that it is always important to keep that "somewhere".

Paradoxes are not something most people are comfortable with but they are a part of life - you can walk away mentally, physically or spiritually, you can cut off from people & still be working on trying to forgive - just not in the "churchy" way.

Not sure if you are one yourself but parents are simply people - there is no qualifying or great knowledge involved (paradox) - if a person has issues or are simply idiots unfortunately the children are saddled with it. Whatever the parents issue is you don't really need to forgive as much as understand.

If it were me (in some ways it has been) my very being would not really be able to compute that the person who is supposed to guide, love & support me being the one to spoil things in my life (paradox again). Without knowing the full story it is difficult to say more but I would say that perhaps you are ready now for your life & not one in their shadow.

I would be careful not to limit yourself or tie yourself to any belief system as it could almost become a surrogate parent - again anything written by a human hand is still able to produce error & you have had enough of that thankyou very much.

Your a Ronin now - a wanderer, you have scars & you flinch at things sometimes but they are reminders of past errors & battles you escaped. You carry a sword or staff for offence if required but mostly defence. The road ahead is yours but shared, remember your lessons but keep an open mind - I too am here to talk if needed but most importantly try not to be all dalai lama or Gandhi in how you attempt to deal with all that you have had happen - that's just too much pressure for a normal person.

I would say that I never really forgive but there is a point where whatever it was either doesn't have any power any more or it takes you up a belt. By which I mean that you start as a white belt in ** or relationships & you get better at dealing. A black belt can still be attacked or mugged but the response is going to be very different.

[lauterb]

Dear LibraIndigo

Fist you have to put God in the equation of your life! You must understand that you are a spirit and this life is your best life from all lives you had before! You must be sure about all attribute of God and in your case God is supreme just!

As a result what you have experienced was a way to you redeem for something you have done for this person or for some big mistakes you had in past lives! Since this really marked you! This must confort, you, unfortunantely youwill not have the full explanation now but you have part of it.

Second to forgive this person I would like t o give an example, you have a little brother (baby) and he pulls your hair, you yell of pain and he laughs about this! Are you going to spank him? Of course not he is a baby and dont know that hurt you when pull your hair! You automatically forgive him due to his age! Again he does not know what he is doing!

This person is morally a child a baby, he does not know what he is doing, as the example above it is easier when you realize his is morally a baby!

Another very important thing you are tied to this person when you trully forgive him, you will break this ties, this will free you for ever, this also means for other lives!

The Gospel from Allan Kardec, chapter X you will find more about! You can freely donwload at internet in pdf file.

Good study!

If someone tricked me somehow.

My Natural reaction is to get upset and find flaws in that person's logic and actions. Or maybe even find flaws in the person.

I find when I don't let that person affect my thoughts and feelings I'm half way to forgiving them. And also half way to loving them. The other half for myself is to break down what they taught me. What can I learn from this experience and this person. How is this person making me better. Once I figure this out I have fully let go because it teaches me about that person on a new level and about me. With someone of this nature like my own mother this idea of fully letting go will never end. The experiences and lessons that need to be learned from, will take years to process as they come about in memory. But it's something I can continually look forward to as the memories from that person will always push me further to greatness.

How can I not love someone who made me better. Even if they refuse to make themselves better?

Plus I view my mother as my final "thesis"
If I can be fully conscious and in control of all emotions and reactions While around her then I feel I've tackled the hardest lesson I'll have to face besides myself.

[dream jo]

yes i no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,

[LibraIndigo]

Oh Hi. Thanks everyone for the responses. I did not see them untill now.

--hi Knightoflenity I do feel like that! Like a Ronin! Lol

Discovering spiritually has helped. One of the problems was that I had a vision/dream of Jesus when I was 18...which lead me to becoming a Bible thumper (though I had never actually read it) it just seemed all the Christian type folks said family was very important...so despite my inner guidance I went with society (big mistake!).

I find it funny that now I found this verse

34 Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

35 For I have come to turn

“‘a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
36 a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.

Since the Jesus thing and really waking up now Iv'e had contact from others, including Saint Germain and wow I realize how religion can lead people astray.

In any case I keep being told that my soul's plan was for this to be one of the last incarnations here.

And then I found this super scary accurate Astrology report that is done by A.R.E. based on birth date, time and place. It goes into possible past lives and all.

Mine listed lives I had already been made aware of...and it said......---I have karma to work out with my mother-----!!

It also said after this I may go on to Arcturus or to the solar realms. So yea I want to figure out this mother stuff so I can get on to the solar realms and all that (whatever that is lol).

So yea I am looking at if differently. It also said in this life I needed to learn independence, and that I would be tested on that time and time again (also turned out to be true), that it was imprinted or marked on my aura so that people would naturally try to exert authority over me...this has also been true I must say and quite annoying!

That being said I don't know why independence is an important spiritual aspect. I've dealt with this issue in relation to men and my ideas about it. I am independent but then realized when I get involved with men and stop being as independent like other women do, my happiness quite falls apart! As the relationship as well!

In any case yes, I know I have karma with my .other...knowing this is ine of my last lives...maybe she was my worst enemy of all times??!? Lol

I just wish I knew the whole story. In any case I want to forgive her so I can get out of here.

I guess if I ask the universe enough it will send me the answers.