Adhd

[Arcturus]

Originally Posted by sesheta

Good discipline and maybe a good smack when needed.

I tend to agree with this, as well - love ya, psycho!

i'm sorry that such a statement, or topic as hitting those you're physically stronger than, brings such a big smile to you unlesss you're looking for a reaction?

I would never condone striking a child hard enough to actually physically harm them...but I think when I child is young, a firm spanking to let them know that the situation is serious and that you will not tolerate the behaviour, sometimes works better than any amount of "speaking to them" can.
I was spanked growing up, and I do not hold any grudges against my parents for it. They never once hurt me, and looking back I can understand that sometimes it is a "necessary evil" when other methods may fail.
Just my opinion....

Originally Posted by sesheta

I would never condone striking a child hard enough to actually physically harm them...but I think when I child is young, a firm spanking to let them know that the situation is serious and that you will not tolerate the behaviour, sometimes works better than any amount of "speaking to them" can.
I was spanked growing up, and I do not hold any grudges against my parents for it. They never once hurt me, and looking back I can understand that sometimes it is a "necessary evil" when other methods may fail.
Just my opinion....

agreed.
i believe the "firm spanking" method will give better results all the while being way less harmful than the "my childs acting up, lets put him/her on adhd medication" method ;)

[Arcturus]

Originally Posted by sesheta

I would never condone striking a child hard enough to actually physically harm them...but I think when I child is young, a firm spanking to let them know that the situation is serious and that you will not tolerate the behaviour, sometimes works better than any amount of "speaking to them" can.
I was spanked growing up, and I do not hold any grudges against my parents for it. They never once hurt me, and looking back I can understand that sometimes it is a "necessary evil" when other methods may fail.
Just my opinion....

yes but why has the situation become "serious"? what got you both there? i was spanked also and do not hold a grudge against my mother, i "love" her...that didn't make it right and she has appologised. funny thing is, or not, she stopped hitting me when i was about 13-14...obviously because she was no longer bigger than me. my behaviour didn't change it was just that she couldn't resort to that method of control. anyway children and siblings are like that too, they forgive most things..doesn't make it ok.

my experience is that children react according to the atmosphere of their living space, the general enviroment of their living space, their diet, their quality of health and probably a few more factors. a child in a higly toxic (enviromentally) living area is gonna be more charged up. feed kids sugar (as a treat supposedly) and then expecting them to sit still and not overheat is asking too much. there are many reasons, find them. i can assure there are many who manage without resorting to your methods.

i decided one day that i would not allow physical vbiolence into my life in a pro-active form (self defense is another matter) be it with my voice or body. it was difficult atr first to find ways to deal with situations without this but quickly i found other methids and now thats the norm and its easy, easier even. not to say i'm better than you, there is still violence in me.

also why justify hitting to me, yourself or anyone else? just say you do it and so be it...

[Arcturus]

Originally Posted by trappedinabody

agreed.
i believe the "firm spanking" method will give better results all the while being way less harmful than the "my childs acting up, lets put him/her on adhd medication" method ;)

are you saying adhd is a fallacy? and practically everyone here is interested in alternatives to medication.

also how can you agree with anyone onh this? you might find the situation and reasons sesheta finds acceptable for hitting, deplorable, how can you know her mind and situation so well as to validate her?

ADHD is real. It's not simply being hyperactive and wanting attention, it's when it really affects the child's daily life and activities otherwise known as "normal" children activities, when it gets in the way of this, then it's diagnosed (that's what I remember reading anyway). There a number of grown-ups that have ADHD too, I have seen one being interviewed in the news and surprisingly, she is a teacher and I think she regularly does whatever maintenance needs to be done for ADHD (forgot, sorry).

Regarding the spanking, I'm from the Philippines, there is definitely a line between abuse and discipline, but I must say discipline has changed greatly.

I remember the older people telling us that they used to get punished by kneeling down over a big woven "plate" (don't know any english counterpart) with lots of rock salt (ouuuuch), then they have to hold their hands out on their sides, and then stacks of books are placed, the higher the stack, the greater the offense. This is always paired by lectures and angry words.

Nowadays, that's clearly abuse, as they always get little wounds on their knees, and then the salt gets to it (ooooooowwwwwccchh), but back then they would cry really bad and the following day they are laughing with the friends they got into trouble with, comparing their wounds to each other.

When I was young and we (siblings) did something wrong, my mother would tell all of us to lie our our stomachs, then she would shout at us while whipping the floor with a belt. We thought we were hit, but we never really were.

I was 9 when I had my real beating, she used a belt on me and beat me round the bed, I had a few welts on my thigh and bum (no bruises), and that was the first time I realized I never really was beaten, it was always just the floor, because it was my first experience of real pain.

It was really bad, but I would have never sued her for it. That was the only one that got that bad, the rest were just slaps and hits, but as I said, in my culture, that's not really bad, it takes a lot before something is considered abuse in here (suing your own parents is considered weird here by the way lol) My mother, she never fails to explain what the discipline is for, she never fails to say that she loves us but is not happy with what she did. So in the end it never affected our relationship (other things did, never the beatings). Plus, I had it easy, compared to my older siblings (it's also common for older siblings to take the responsibility for their younger ones, here).

It is also common here to keep receiving beatings well beyond whatever age, as long as you still live in your parents house (leaving at 18 is not common here). If you fight back and hurt her ---- that's on you, case to case basis I guess.

I now still have a wonderful relationship with my mom and she still brings me lunch here at work lol :)

[Arcturus]

hi Sybilline
i don't think you can compare acts of violence. in the comparison the so-called lesser act may become ok and acceptable. like you say, what used to happen is now clearly abuse, and so the same could be possible of todays "cultural" norms in the future. also in one act violence might lie all violence. and people forgive so they can move on and not carry the pain. i wonder what is the mental state and emotional feelings of a parent, or anyone for that matter, whilst engaging in the hitting of another human being? is it one of love? i feel that when folk don't have an inner, natural, unforced discipline they look for it outwardly; so they try to cover or ease their own mess by compelling others along a certain path when it's nothing to do with them.

so many crimes go on behind closed doors. i wonder if anyones behaviour would change if we lived more communally with other folk looking on, probably sometrimes. a parent who hits is a dictator and terrorist; a terrorist to me is someone who controls through fear and violence. but we're so used to it that it seems ok, perhaps we're (me too!) insensitive, fast asleep and unawares of the ramifications of our actions.

""Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because there is fear. So violence isn’t merely organized butchery in the name of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle, much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent."" j k

i like this one too::

"Hitler and Mussolini were only the primary spokesmen for the attitude of domination and craving for power that are in the heart of almost everyone. Until the source is cleared, there will always be confusion and hate, wars and class antagonisms.""

it shows, to me anway, that even the most outwardly normal and respectable folk, have the seed of genociode within them and they are completely unawares. anyway i'm going on now, as i sometimes do lol, but its one of those subjects for me, you know that mean alot? peace all...and as the quote in the film "the wanderers" goes "leave the kid alone!"

edit:: i'll add that i have multiple chemical sensitivity which means, for me personally, that i get hyper when exposed to trace amounts of chemicals, be it natural or synthetic, in food, water or the air. i would call it mild anaphlyaxia as in i won't die. during exposure i become increasingly manic and have difficulty concentrating. fortunately i'm an adult and so have a much larger degree of control over my enviroment and diet, which i have no choice but to adjust. i dread to think of the confusion and lack of empowerment of a child in a similar situation with a parent who has no scope for change.

i wonder what is the mental state and emotional feelings of a parent, or anyone for that matter, whilst engaging in the hitting of another human being? is it one of love?

In my experience, yes this is possible. My mother, she knew when enough is enough, in this manner she taught us respect --- in my country, *veeeeeery* very few kids can get away with shouting at people older than them, let alone cursing, walking out/storming off during a conversation, rolling their eyes while the guardian is talking, making sarcastic childish remarks, etc.

You can not tell your parent "I HATE YOU!!!" here and get away with it, oh no. Nonononono.

I hated it, yes. I was practically stiff during lecture and discipline sessions. But now I am thankful. I am proud to be what I am, part of it is through me, part of it because of her.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes you simply don't need to lay your hands on a kid. Sometimes they just get it, some kids are just good like that, some are just really stubborn. My sister, she was raised the same way, got physical discipline beyond her puberty years, and she never really straightened out. It's just her.

I don't know, I guess it's just cultural differences. After all not all kids that are never disciplined in this manner turn out bad too, some turn out ok.

[Arcturus]

well i believe there are studies that show that children who aren't smacked are better behaved but then studies can prove what you want them to sometimes.

did your mother know when enough was enough? so she never went to far that one time you mentioned she bruised you? was there love in her eyes when she did it? i would say you've always gone too far when you hit someone who is not attacking you.

and what of the child who is reating to an allergen? aggression whilst reacting is common with my condition, though fortunately it doesn't affect me that way. its not their fault is it? there certainly is no blanket rule, no-one, for me, can agree with another as everyone has different standards yet no doubt everyone thinks there's are the right ones.

i don't understand pride either; it seems to me be an idea, a projerction of what someone thinks they are as noble, good etc...and you know what they say.."pride befopre the fall" going to the perfection thread now but why have an image of yourself? i'm speaking impersonally. is it out of fear, a need to be something? why be anything. the I can convince itself of anything, it can be endlessly mischievous. no doubt hitler was proud of himself too. perhaps there's violence in pride? i'm wondering aloud. and respect...what does that mean? no doubt it differs with people..."If you know love you will not follow anybody. Love does not obey. When you love there is neither respect nor disrespect." j.k.

i hope i'm not being overly emphatic, peace

LOL it's ok... :)

did your mother know when enough was enough? so she never went to far that one time you mentioned she bruised you? was there love in her eyes when she did it? i would say you've always gone too far when you hit someone who is not attacking you.

To me yes she knew what she was doing... >.<

But you are right I have read about those studies... :)