Feel like a slave to my own brain.

Hi everyone. How are you all doing? Hope you have a great day.

I will try to not make to many threads but i feel like i'm at the point in life where i really question what should i do with my life? How should i behave to best express love to my surrounding and heal the world aswell as myself?

Here's a thing i deeply wish to get advice on so that i can continue my journey:

1. Spiritual Knowledge: I've absorbed a lot of information from the internet about spirituality but the question is am i doing self harm to me when i dwell constantly on existential questions and try to find the answers to different spiritual questions i have? I want to understand it all. I'm googling and trying to put all pieces together so that i get even more knowledge. However it affects my health negatively because i think so much. I've somehow come to believe that getting spiritual knowledge is important on earth for soul growth. But could spiritual knowledge in the case of soul growth be more about knowledge on how to develop spiritually? Because the answers to spiritual existential questions isn't always easy to find out the truth about and in my honest opinion hasn't made me grow much spiritually.

So is spiritual knowledge more about understanding spiritual techniques, spiritual practices, how to manage them and how to help others? Instead of knowing the supposed truth about spiritual questions which doesn't even make much sense why i should spend my time on. I don't regret having googled spiritual questions but is this what my life is about? Is my life about finding out the answers to spiritual questions? i hope it isn't.

I want to grow spiritually. I want to be happy. But i'm in a prison in my own mind. I've enslaved myself.

Anyone has an opinion or advice on this matter? Please help. This has been going on for so long. Can someone give an advice? Any intuitive answer?

PS: Really feel ashamed that i write this thread because it feels like all i do is ask questions and complain about my life.

[Tuesday]

Spirituality is very simple. It's about letting go of everything.

Everything else is just gadgets and gimmicks.

Originally Posted by Tuesday

Spirituality is very simple. It's about letting go of everything.

Everything else is just gadgets and gimmicks.

Thanks Tuesday. But i feel like i can't let go. I try to fight it but its impossible. Its been going on for so long, since i was little. I feel dissatisfaction and suffering if i let go. I want to know, to understand, to have a set of ideas of which i believe i know the answer too. I'm in such mental pain. I want to flee the matrix of which i'm trapped. I feel like i can't because i haven't succeeded this far. What could i possibly do to overcome this? The dissatisfaction and unhappiness in me is so strong if i stop trying to find the truth because i am not satisfied until i believe i know the answers.

[Pastthemirror]

I don’t have much advice, only that I relate. Depression and anxiety are like twin parasites in my brain, constantly fighting against every bit of progress I try to make. I often rationalise that they do this to protect their own existence, as any parasite would affect the behaviour of the host to it’s own ends.

I want to break free from this prison. My brain is holding me hostage.

Originally Posted by Pastthemirror

I don’t have much advice, only that I relate. Depression and anxiety are like twin parasites in my brain, constantly fighting against every bit of progress I try to make. I often rationalise that they do this to protect their own existence, as any parasite would affect the behaviour of the host to it’s own ends.

Interesting analogy. Thanks for sharing.

[Unseeking Seeker]

***

How should i behave to best express love to my surrounding and heal the world as well as myself?

I want to grow spiritually. I want to be happy. But i'm in a prison in my own mind. I've enslaved myself.

***

I would say be true to ourself. Choose thoughts that expand and reject those that contract consciousness.

Theory is fine ... what about actual practice? Not meditation but rather a fulcrum shift aligning thought, word & deed with innocence of our conscience. This is not as easy as it sounds since we would then need to resonate with the pulse of love. No cheating, no untruthfulness, no hypocrisy.

Continuous contemplative consciousness correction. Reduce anger, envy, anxiety, greed, fear ... slow down thought itself. Daily introspection.

In my view, this life changing step is more important than all the rest of it. Be rest assured, for every step we take, the Divine takes ten thousand. But the first step must be ours. Voluntarily and sincerely.

Oh! As for thought ... we simply nonchalantly look at the waves rising and falling, intermingling, changing ... doing so slows them down. Rotating polarity of attention, we may shift inwards as awareness without fragmented thought.

Reconnect with estranged relatives and friends. Charity begins at home

***

Thanks for answers. I wish i could just pack my bags right now and go abroad.

I must find a solution to my problem. There must be a key but it cannot be on the internet. I'm gonna find the hidden key.

Originally Posted by Strangerthanfiction

I must find a solution to my problem. There must be a key but it cannot be on the internet. I'm gonna find the hidden key.

Look in the mirror.

Originally Posted by Strangerthanfiction

But i feel like i can't let go.

What can't you let go of?

Originally Posted by Strangerthanfiction

I try to fight it but its impossible.

What are you fighting and what are the reasons?

Originally Posted by Strangerthanfiction

I feel dissatisfaction and suffering if i let go.

What does letting go mean to you, personally? What are you trying to let go of?

Originally Posted by Strangerthanfiction

I want to know, to understand, to have a set of ideas of which i believe i know the answer too. I'm in such mental pain. I want to flee the matrix of which i'm trapped. I feel like i can't because i haven't succeeded this far. What could i possibly do to overcome this? The dissatisfaction and unhappiness in me is so strong if i stop trying to find the truth because i am not satisfied until i believe i know the answers.

You are he answer looking for the question. You talk of "Spiritual knowledge" but what is that exactly? Ideologies, theologies, beliefs?

“The temple of the most high begins with the body which houses our life, the essence of our existence. Africans are in bondage today because they approach spirituality through religion provided by foreign invaders and conquerors. We must stop confusing religion and spirituality. Religion is a set of rules, regulations and rituals created by humans, which was suppose to help people grow spiritually. Due to human imperfection religion has become corrupt, political, divisive and a tool for power struggle. Spirituality is not theology or ideology. It is simply a way of life, pure and original as was given by the Most High of Creation. Spirituality is a network linking us to the Most High, the universe, and each other…”
Haile Selassie

Spirituality is an inward Journey, it's the Journey to Self if you prefer something more poetic. At the moment your existential experience is being at odds with yourself and being disconnected from yourself - you're trying to find the truth but it's you that decides what you believe to be the truth. You're fighting against yourself but do you really understand who you are, what you are? You are the creator of the reality you have now. You think yourself as being a failure because you haven't succeeded, but do you know what you're trying to achieve, really? What is your definition of Spirituality? Because it's your definitions (or the definitions that you adopt) that defines your reality.

Right here right now, what do you understand of yourself other than the surface layer you've expressed here? What are the reasons you simply can't accept yourself as you are, because that would be the Spiritual thing to do. Don't you like yourself very much, and if not what are the reasons?