Lost My Path

[peacemaker]

There was a time when I used to meditate daily.I have had spiritual experiences which normal can not even think of.I used to play with energy all day in my body.I was able to awaken any moment at my will.I could arouse Kundalini any time I wanted in my spine.

Now I have lost everything.It started with the thought that these these things has no meaning in my life.In life enlightenment is the only thing we should have.I slowly left all my practices day by day.

Now I am very big alcoholic.I was never a successful social and professional person.Now I am not even a spiritual person.

I don`t understand what mistake did I commit?Is it because of my past life karmas?I dont know what path to follow.I dont know where is my teacher.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

"I dont know what path to follow."

it depends on what destination you want to head towards.
decide where you'd like to end up and go in that direction.

Greetings, Peacemaker

Did you ask yourself why you wanted to meditate? And - what you hoped to get from spiritual practices? What did you see beyond meditation? What are your founding beliefs and if you want to progress beyond them, why?

There are several questions you must ask yourself and maybe some to ask here where others can venture their ideas.

It seems that one of the best therapies to move away from alcohol is handycraft/art of some kind: painting, woodwork...is there anything you used to like to do in this respect?

[SeekerOfKnowledge]

peacemaker,

I have been through similar phases. From a "spiritual high" I went down again. Several times, since 1990.
It can happen. You are not alone with this. You can get out of this again and back into spirituality if you really want to.

Now the trouble is that no one else can tell you what to strive for and what to do.

You can always start small. Like just doing breathing practice for two minutes. Or just thinking about what you are grateful for. Also gives you something to do while you have to wait. Next time you are stuck in traffic jam or standing in a queue, take a few deep breaths and focus or your breath. (Do the same when you feel like opening a bottle of beer or wine.) Or think about something that you, personally connect with happiness, joy. Or make a mental note about everything you like about yourself and your life. About everything you can be grateful for.

You allowed "negative" influences to affect you. Can happen to everyone. You should try and forgive yourself.

By society standards, I am not a "successful" person either. I suffered from this until I realized that other people's standards do not have to be my own standards. You do not need a "successful" career to be worthy. You do not need to fit in a group (of course it still is a good idea to get rid of any grudge held against your family and other people close to you). You do not need a crowd of "friends". Society and mass media might suggest that, but there is no need to define yourself by such standards.

What helped me a lot was stopping to compare myself to others. While there ARE people who have skills that I do not have, of course, and people who are better suited for a specific task, they are no "better" or "worse" than I am.
(What is the "I", anyway? The body? The mind? The soul? Such questions also helped me.)

I was close to become an alcoholic, but I quit. Just so. And when I could do it, you can do it, too. Maybe you will need help, maybe you can do it your own. That, only you know. Most important here is that you really WANT to quit.

I am really thankful for this forum. Because in some posts here I can find the constant reminders I still need. Keeps me from falling back into old patterns of behavior and thinking that are not helpful. Helps me not to allow everyday life influences to affect me.

Hope you will find a way, too, to see your inner light again.

[peacemaker]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

"I dont know what path to follow."

it depends on what destination you want to head towards.
decide where you'd like to end up and go in that direction.

"meaning in my life"

you supply the meaning to your life peacemaker.
your gifts are recoverable; no worries on that score.
the alcohol is not gonna lead you out of the funk...
quit that crutch pronto. there's no need to dig yourself
into a deeper hole.

i'm thinking that your situation has developed as a means
for you to ponder on the word "application". you've had
certain skills and abilities, yet been uncertain of where
and how to apply them [is that right?] also, you may have
thought that these unusual gifts have given you "an edge",
and somehow allowed yourself to become (too) reliant on
having them as a source of joy for you... without having
applied them to some 'worthwhile' purpose. i do not
believe that your happiness is reliant on having those
specific skills. having them removed (temporarily) has
provided you the opportunity to discover that fact. you
don't need an edge, and you don't need to compete in
any way in order to bring happiness into your life.

i don't believe you've made a mistake.
i'm convinced that karma is unrelated to this.
follow the path that feels good to you.
you provide life with meaning; do it with joy!
i suspect that your teacher is your own "higher self";
imagine the person that you'd like to become, and
then move in the ways that bring you closer to that.

Thank You HORACE

But lets talk about application, may be just may be I am able to make healthy a
sick person but there are doctors who can perform the same task and why is it beneficial for me ?why should I even do it ?

[Shivani Devi]

Do you really care that you have 'lost your path' and are you happy being 'non-spiritual?' if the answer is that you do not care and you are happy, why should it bother you anyway?

If you are currently unhappy with your lifestyle choices and wish to reclaim the life you once had, what is stopping you?

That's it, in a nutshell.

refference from thus, might be
the one managing your outcome'd.

if the mind got you introuble, let the noggin get you out of
trouble, try sweet question that make you up at command.

[lazydullard]

The best spiritual lessons I've had ajoined from substance abuse and depression... Maybe you're still on the path, experiencing the dark night of the soul before the dawn.

What's a list of things that make you feel you're off your path? Is it just the energy losses? If the energy work and meditation didn't keep you from falling into depression, maybe you've need a different type of enlightenment.

The deepest enlightenments I find are those that help you in your daily life be resilient to depression and addiction. There are truths, unique to every person, that keeps you from falling. Maybe you don't need the energy work anymore.

[CrystalSong]

Originally Posted by peacemaker

It started with the thought that these these things has no meaning in my life. In life enlightenment is the only thing we should have. I slowly left all my practices day by day.

This is your answer. You decided your spiritual and awareness practices weren't important - they had no meaning for you.
So you chose a different course and have discovered where that choice led to.

You can always choose another choice. Perhaps return to your practices, decide they do have meaning after all. Perhaps choose new practices, or a new teacher.

It's all choice. You alone are creating your reality. If you don't like the current reality you have built make different choices and take up new explorations.
You are the captain of your ship.

Blessing to you :)

[Hemera]

Hi

I wonder if you might be experiencing a dark night of the soul. This is when nothing makes any sense anymore and you feel completely lost in life as it no longer holds any meaning for you. It's a kind of death of the ego based personality and an opening to your higher self .The same thing happened to me after a lot of meditation and other spiritual practices. Gradually they no longer held any meaning and seemed pretty pointless. Your alcoholism maybe a last ditch attempt of the ego to cling to an identity in the midst of uncertainty and emptiness. I found this with my depression - it was a way in which my ego could maintain a stronghold.

If any of this resonates with you I would recommend researching Dark Night of the soul as a lot of people go through it along the spiritual path. Eventually you will be able to create your own meaning and there will be a sense of joy and freedom. You may well be able to go back to your meditation and spiritual practices with a renewed sense of what they mean to you.