Waking Up With A Recurring Bad Feeling

[SierraNevadaStar]

I have been fearing something specific happening for a long time. More recently (over the past couple of weeks), I've been waking up with this feeling that my fear is founded, that it's come true. Yesterday, I had a nightmare with regards to this fear which only compounded this feeling once I woke up.

I don't know whether it is my unresolved fear issues - or if something I fear has actually happened (though I have no way of finding that out at present) or is going to happen. Note: I can be quite intuitive and have all the 'clairs.' I have predicted things which have come to pass. I tend to get some of my insights while in the hypnapompic state/waking up state - so this is only exacerbating my concern that my fear is true.

I will say that I am trying to 'shut down' this fear as much as I can during the daytime. So I guess it could be possible that because I am actively trying to repress any worries and doubts (i.e., repress my 'Shadow') with regards to it, this may be coming through when I am in a more 'dopey' state (i.e. waking up), in my dreams, etc.

Alternatively, some days I am waking up feeling as though 'everything is okay' and that nothing untoward has happened after all - though I will say such days are less than those during which I'm feeling more apprehensive.

I guess my question is, which of these feelings do I believe?

I'm so entangled in my fears and over-thinking these days, that whenever I close my eyes and try to meditate for insights, I often just see images which are symbolic of my fears and this only causes me to feel worse. It wasn't always like this...At the end of 2016, I fell into a dark, depressive state (yes, I am/have been having therapy) and have struggled with this ever since. It all just seems to feedback on itself and darkly so.

'Law of Attraction-wise,' I know that I could be manifesting this fear into reality and maybe what I am feeling when I wake up, is that the momentum of this possibility is building. This is just another theory. Not too proudly, I'll admit that I've manifested a good many of my fears over the years.

I've never had this experience though - where I am waking up with such a feeling and so consistently, even though this fear has been bothering me for a long while now.Suffice it to say, I'm concerned.

[It Is]

Recurring intense nightmares could be a warning.

I had about 3 consecutive really bad nightmares recently. At the time it didn't quite make sense but after a few developments soon after I could see what it was probably about. So I took action and avoided what would have been an absolute disaster.

[Michelle11]

I guess I am a little confused, it is possible this bad thing happened but hasn't affected your life? If it isn't affecting your life will it in the future because if it isn't affecting your current situation why are you upset about it? I ask because I understand that empathic people, who generally tend to have good instincts, can also sometimes take on other people's problems. Take responsibility for things that are not theirs and as such drag their energy level down. So I would like to be clear on how this fear is going to affect you if it does indeed come to pass.

in any event, I have pretty strong instincts myself. In general I get a strong sense of calm if things will go well and an agitation that I can not shake if things will not go in my favor. This said, even the things that do not go in my favor happen to help me learn a lesson. For example, I had a chance to win a rather large sum of money. The day I was to give the opportunity I had the same sense of doom after waking up from some nightmares but then later that day I had a raffle ticked drawn that gave me a chance to win a large sum of money. Needless to say, I didn't and became very upset feeling like I wasn't deserving. Contemplating the disappointment I realized that I had a limiting belief that said, I had to prove and earn all my wealth. That no one should just be handed free money. Well that is the kind of belief that keeps us from winning lotteries. And so I have now shifted that belief to understand we all deserve all the abundance our hearts desire simply because we are who we are. It was a crushing experience that helped me grow. So if your fears are founded try to find the lesson in the situation and maybe you can eventually see it all as a blessing. And any future feelings of foreboding just a heads up that another lesson is on the way. Well I do hope it all works out for the best. Take care.

[SierraNevadaStar]

Michelle,

This fear involves my 8-year old son. He just spent 3 1/2 months in the hospital, having become suddenly and seriously ill. During the time he was in the hospital, he had major surgery to insert something into a particular vital organ of his to 'fix' things. However, he has to have periodic checks (possibly for the rest of his life) to ensure all is still okay with the device. One (especially morose) doctor, referrred to it as his 'lifeline.' She further stated that 'if this went wrong with it' and 'then this went wrong,' and 'if nothing else could be done' with regards to that, then he could die. Talk about extrapolating in the worse possible sense! I asked her whether or not we would know if something went awry. Her reply was, 'Not necessarily.' Suffice it to say, her morbid 'bedside manner' could not have helped the way I am currently feeling and have been feeling for a while now.

I keep worrying something will go wrong inside his body. I am also suffering from PTSD due to the whole ordeal as is my husband and also our son.

In addition to this, I have a mother who is so negative about my son's health. She keeps sending me panic-stricken e-mails with health-related links as to my son's condition. This is hardly helpful.

So obviously, it would impact my life directly if something even more untoward happened to my son. I also don't have the ability to 'scan' him psychically because I'm too emotional over it all with him being my child. Of course, I also cannot have him medically-scanned all the time. So in between these routine scans, I am having difficulty finding peace and assurance that all is well. In the future, they are said to be spacing them out further so there will be even longer periods of waiting. Thus, I need to get myself together before then!

[Michelle11]

Ok, thank you for the context. It helps. I can also understand why the fear and anxiety are present. It sounds like you aren't just dealing with your own fear but also all the negatively charged energy around you from other people's fear. Needless to say it's not easy to feel your instincts in that state. And I do sense the negative feelings and dreams are centered in fear and not necessarily truth. The waters are muddied so I suspect you are waking up to anxiety more then anything else.

One thing I will say, I can't predict the future for your child, but I have had three surgeries in my life and the doctors have always gone over worst case scenario with me. I think they legally have to inform you so they are covered legally and we are informed. But it also sounds like a Stars have to align type situation for your son. Multiple things have to line up for him to die. That leads me to believe the odds may be low.

Have you had an opportunity to read up on his illness and the device they put in so you have a general idea of his prognosis for survival and longevity? It's easy in these types of situations to gravitate towards dwelling on the worst case scenario especially if everyone around you is charged up that way too. But often worst case scenario odds are very low. I had a heart condition I had corrected a number of years back and found many people who could not stop dwelling on the possibility they could drop dead even though that possibility was remote. Dwelling on the what ifs robs us of the present.

This may be a situation where radical trust is needed and putting your faith in him surviving and thriving despite his condition. Using this opportunity to live life to the fullest with your son since nothing is guaranteed. It's really not guaranteed for any of us. But that doesn't mean your son can't live a long life with his condition. And so for now, maybe try to make peace with the situation. You can't change it unfortunately but you can decide where to put your focus, on him dying or on the odds of him living and on enjoying every day with him. This is definitely a challenge but one you can overcome. I send love and strength to you and your family and healing energy to your son. Hugs.