My condolesnces on your loss ...
There are times things happen leaving us w/no chance to fix them in the physical world ...
Truly, all is not lost ...
Our loved ones are always always w/us ...
I believe it would be of benefit to you to develop a spiritual relationship w/your father ...
Keep talking to him, say everthing you need to say from the heart - no matter how painful, good or bad ...
This is how to resolve all the issues left unspoken & undone ...
Remember he is a spirit now, he can take anything & everything you have to say w/understanding ...
Then open yourself up to look for signs & synchronicities ...
These, often times, are the first communications ....
Sometimes, they come in the form of music associated w/him ...
But also don't stop there, my late husband has sent newly released songs through the radio that were of encouragement, love, strength, etc ...
These are songs he never heard; he died 7 yrs ago ...
And b/c I had been working on our spiritual relationship I quickly knew/felt they were from him ...
Don't be discouraged if you don't recognize them immediately as signs - it takes time to develop your intuition, but it will improve ...
Once you are able to see them, just know he is w/you, loving you always ...
In turn, you will learn to adjust to your loss, resolve the painful issues that kept the two of you apart, find peace & love for another once again ...
Try not to beat yourself up, but do try to uncover what it is your father may have been trying to teach you & why as well as the reason he was chosen to be your father ...
Hope this helps ...