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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 04-12-2018, 11:47 PM
Bornonthecusp Bornonthecusp is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Not wanting friends?

Does anyone else feel this way? I understand that spirituality, life itself is all about connection and love, I do. But, the friends I had, I don't want to be around them, I don't feel the need for friends at all. I have a boyfriend and he's my best friend, of course but I don't have any desire for friendship. I'm cruising along nicely in my life right now, I feel like allowing friends back in could add in a lot of negative baggage, does anyone else feel this way?
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  #2  
Old 05-12-2018, 02:20 AM
Lucky Lucky is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 505
 
Yes you're not alone. I find a lot of people I attract need more attention than I have the energy to give. I'm quite content with my small circle of people I interact with. They get me, and we don't need to talk every day, nor weekly. There's no pressure. That works for me!
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  #3  
Old 05-12-2018, 03:55 AM
ocean breeze ocean breeze is offline
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I haven't had friends or serious relationships in a very long time. To me its been a blessing. But i didn't always feel that way and it hasn't always been easy. At times i would like someone to talk to about certain things. Express my emotions to. Hard to trust. I'm big on loyalty and many have proven to not be on the same page in regards to loyalty. I guess you learn to be much more self sufficient and emotionally strong. Less time dealing with unnecessary drama and other distractions. More time to focus on yourself, your growth, and pursue dreams and passions.
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  #4  
Old 05-12-2018, 11:42 AM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
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If you're a creative person / thinker, doesn't matter about originality or the depth of your activities, then you don't surprise me.

I posted a link to an article recently that concluded that the more intelligent you are the less friends you're likely to have. It wasn't a one-off, many articles said the same thing. I'd class spiritual people who bother to question what they want (from spirituality), what their aims are etc., as being more intelligent than the sheep.

No matter, it seems that if someone likes to drive their own life - be a bit creative here and there, approach spiritual development with an aim, aren't particularly worried about how others see them and things, then they're likely to enjoy their own company rather than a gaggle of small-talkers. Most people's so-called friends are really just vehicles to acknowledge themselves, being they have yet to establish an identity if they want one.

Here's the first of many articles on google.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/natalie-v...-less-friends/

Last edited by Lorelyen : 05-12-2018 at 11:32 PM. Reason: just noticed a pronoun error
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  #5  
Old 05-12-2018, 01:56 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
If you're a creative person / thinker, doesn't matter about originality or the depth of your activities, then you don't surprise me.

I posted a link to an article recently that concluded that the more intelligent you are the less friends you're likely to have. It wasn't a one-off, many articles said the same thing. I'd class spiritual people who bother to question what they want (from spirituality), what their aims are etc., as being more intelligent than the sheep.

No matter, it seems that if someone likes to drive your own life - be a bit creative here and there, approach spiritual development with an aim, aren't particularly worried about how others see you and things, then you're likely to enjoy your own company rather than a gaggle of small-talkers. Most people's so-called friends are really just vehicles to acknowledge themselves, being they have yet to establish an identity if they want one.

Here's the first of many articles on google.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/natalie-v...-less-friends/
Reading all the comments for that article there, it is easy to see how totally biased and judgmental society is and if you are the type of person who likes to have the freedom to express yourself openly and honestly, you're not going to win many (if any) friends anyway!

I don't have any friends, but I weighed up the "pro's" and "cons" of doing so early on in the piece and went "hmmm... getting to be myself and being totally free within, even though I will feel quite lonely at times ...versus having to hide my true self and be a yes-woman making myself totally miserable just for the sake of having company so I would NOT feel lonely"...in the end, it really became a non-brainer.

There were a few things I found out in the process. We come into this world alone, we go out the same way, and so it is an illusion to believe that it will be any different for the duration OF this life.

Those people who say that humans are "social creatures" are basing that premise on a worn out stereotype...either that, or I am not human...they can take their pick.

Intelligent people DO have fewer friends and the more intelligent one is, the less friends they will have, simply due to the fact that dumb a$$es are totally intimidated by anybody who can show them up for being an egotistical jerk who only THINKS they know it all, but they don't know squat! sad but true.

I don't want to have to constantly unpack any baggage of another's emo insecurities either, and I hate those who TRY and use "guilt tactics" (which doesn't work on a narcissist by the way) to get you to perform like a trained monkey... getting you to do whatever it is THEY want, irrespective of the fact that you may not want to do so and ALL in the name of "personal sacrifice"... usually starting with "If you were REALLY my true friend, you would *fill in whatever applies*"

I can see through every mind trick people use based on emotional needs and the sneaky, underhanded, psychological ploys they pull to get others to comply when it is just called "being used" whichever way it goes and then, we get to decide whether we allow ourselves to "be used" or not..but you can bet your bottom dollar that if you allow it to happen ONCE, it becomes "open season" on your personal space, time and privacy...then the moment you say "I'm sorry, but I can't", you'll never see them again.

It would be good if the "give and take" were a two way thing, but it always seems to be "take...take...take" without any "give" until such times as you are prepared to hit the killswitch at the risk of a friendship, which was probably only so in your own head anyway..

Nah, I have had enough of all that bulldust and yes, I often feel very lonely UNTIL I remind myself that this was the sacrifice I made which gets me over that pretty quickly.
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  #6  
Old 05-12-2018, 06:40 PM
Altair Altair is offline
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I get a bit sad from reading your replies here...
Although I can sympathize that you'd prefer to be alone if you were hurt..

Some of the best moments in my life was when I had a good time with friends, and despite going different ways years later those memories I cherish very much.

I disagree with this dichotomy that you're either lonely, intelligent, and spiritual... or non-spiritual, unsophisticated, and have friends (that apparently aren't ''friends'' according to some in the former group!). Yes! there are people on these extremes.. no doubt!

But it's really what we make of it ourselves!! You can have your spiritual experiences and practices and you can have friends.
Lets have a bit of faith in humanity? There are so many shades and colours in between the two extremes..
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  #7  
Old 05-12-2018, 10:07 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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That is totally fine, because according to all of the most popular definitions, I am the total opposite of what a "spiritual person" is anyway and I fully accept that. Therefore, I don't 'attract' insincere freeloaders to myself, nor do I believe other people only exist to "teach me a lesson", when the only lesson I could ever possibly learn is "just don't be like THEM". I don't believe I get to control the behaviour and attitude of others, nor do I believe I create my own reality according to the way I WANT it to be, despite how everything just IS...yep, I am definitely not "spiritual" in any way, shape or form...So, as to whether the true test of spirituality is wholly dependent on how many friends you have...that is something I wouldn't know.
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  #8  
Old 05-12-2018, 11:54 PM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Altair
I get a bit sad from reading your replies here...
Although I can sympathize that you'd prefer to be alone if you were hurt..

Some of the best moments in my life was when I had a good time with friends, and despite going different ways years later those memories I cherish very much.

I disagree with this dichotomy that you're either lonely, intelligent, and spiritual... or non-spiritual, unsophisticated, and have friends (that apparently aren't ''friends'' according to some in the former group!). Yes! there are people on these extremes.. no doubt!
You may disagree with these adjectives/classifications but they haven’t arisen for nothing and are useful to communicate comparisons. They can be extended ad naus: artistic, musical, humorous etc. As you go on to say, they’re continua (usually between opposites) and it’s the areas of resonance along them that bring people together as friends usually without deliberate analysis! However, they do exist as describable qualities.

Quote:
But it's really what we make of it ourselves!! You can have your spiritual experiences and practices and you can have friends.
Lets have a bit of faith in humanity? There are so many shades and colours in between the two extremes..

I can't think anyone would dispute what you've said, and I suppose it's a matter of definition - something unresolvable because definition would be unique to the individual.
.
However, alone doesn't equal lonely. Some people are happy with their own company. For some whose days can get chaotic, a little solitude is respite. Like, I had to edit this post this morning because I kept getting interrupted late last night by "friends" who decided that phoning close to midnight was preferable to the afternoon. Ok, they knew they'd catch me in but...
Not that I'd class them as "real" friends. One of them said "I was bored so I thought I'd call...." Talk about diplomacy and I said "Don't tell me I'm the backstop to your boredom!" "No, I didn't mean that....!" (So why say it?) and on.

Thanks for your response and it just enriches the discussion here.

.

Last edited by Lorelyen : 06-12-2018 at 09:32 AM. Reason: interrupted before completing the post
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  #9  
Old 06-12-2018, 12:10 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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Everyone needs friends there are times when you just want to be alone.i have many friends but I like my own space to.i am a loner.
but I could never say that I didn't need friends

Namaste
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  #10  
Old 06-12-2018, 07:18 PM
Altair Altair is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
You may disagree with these adjectives/classifications but they havenít arisen for nothing and are useful to communicate comparisons. They can be extended ad naus: artistic, musical, humorous etc. As you go on to say, theyíre continua (usually between opposites) and itís the areas of resonance along them that bring people together as friends usually without deliberate analysis! However, they do exist as describable qualities.



I can't think anyone would dispute what you've said, and I suppose it's a matter of definition - something unresolvable because definition would be unique to the individual.
.
However, alone doesn't equal lonely. Some people are happy with their own company. For some whose days can get chaotic, a little solitude is respite. Like, I had to edit this post this morning because I kept getting interrupted late last night by "friends" who decided that phoning close to midnight was preferable to the afternoon. Ok, they knew they'd catch me in but...
Not that I'd class them as "real" friends. One of them said "I was bored so I thought I'd call...." Talk about diplomacy and I said "Don't tell me I'm the backstop to your boredom!" "No, I didn't mean that....!" (So why say it?) and on.

Thanks for your response and it just enriches the discussion here.

.
Thanks Loreylen and actually I sympathize and can agree to an extent. I just wanted to provide a bit of balance because it felt a bit extreme in here. Being alone is indeed not the same as feeling lonely. I do think other people are important in our lives.. and preferable some of those bonds go beyond the superficial.
And perhaps those that call you just want to share something with you.. a need for an experience. You can always put your phone on silence.

Yes definitions are important.. the discrepancies between the definitions we all use in all discussions online, but also in person, creates a lot of trouble and 'separation'..
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