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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 11-06-2018, 10:52 PM
blossomingsoull97 blossomingsoull97 is offline
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Dysfunctional families

I honestly believe that my own family is not my real family. I love them but some days i am faced with all these problems because of the way they are. I know we should be full of love and light but it gets really unbearable sometimes. See my family is very mysognistic. They really dont know how to appreciate the little things or theyre just super ungrateful. My mum gets annoyed at the littlest things. She believes its a womans job to do everything and if you forget to do something right or for her then she gets really annoyed and doesnt let it go. It’s like i have to walk on these egg shells. I have to make sure her mood is okay and shes not angry with me. It gets very exhausting. I just wish she could act like a mother. My mother isnt the type to hug or kiss us because she doesnt know how to express it but she expects it from us all the time. My brother often tells me i have a big ego because i dont listen to him when it comes to religion. He believes hes on the right path and what im doing is very wrong. It gets very frustrating sometimes because it would be nice if they wouldnt just criticise you for what you believe in. I always get this urge to leave my family or run away but its against the culture. I could go on and on about my family lol. I feel very heavy sometimes, in this house. I just want to rant at them and say i wish you could understand how you make me feel but i domt want to ruin the peace 😭
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  #2  
Old 11-06-2018, 10:54 PM
blossomingsoull97 blossomingsoull97 is offline
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Sorry for ranting, im just always asking for guidance from God and my angels to help me get out of this or to help me move away lol
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  #3  
Old 14-06-2018, 02:35 PM
OEN34 OEN34 is offline
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I'm sorry to hear your troubles, and don't apologise for ranting - it's part of being human :)

What steps do you think you can change in order to allow yourself to feel better around your family?
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  #4  
Old 14-06-2018, 03:39 PM
Heather Aine Heather Aine is offline
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Bless your heart, you are smack dab in the middle of a tough lesson. I believe in your gut feeling/intuition that you are in the middle of a different family. If you believe in reincarnation (of course there are other valid explanations, too), it is entirely possible you are not currently with all of your soul tribe, but that you made a Sacred Contract to come into this family to try to help them progress in some way. If that's the case (and again, there could be other potential scenarios), then hold yourself in love and light and remember that you are not alone, there are others who love & support you, even if you cannot hear their voices right now because the more immediate "noise" is drowning them out.

If none of that resonates, you can do a Google search for "The Empowerment Dynamic: The Power of TED" by David Emerald, it is a life-changing process. So much of what you described fits patterns I lived through in my childhood, and in my childhood there was a lot of addiction; addiction to drugs, alcohol, and especially to ego. At one point in my life, I went to a few sessions of Al-Anon, which is a support group for family members, and it really opened my eyes to the roles we play in our families (and that does tie in closely with the book I just mentioned, too).

Most importantly, remember This Too Shall Pass, and that someday soon, you will likely be starting your own life with control over the kind of people in your immediate sphere of influence. When that day comes, it will be important for you to heal as much as possible, so that you don't continue to attract this type of selfish behavior back into your life.

Wishing you comfort, support, peace, & love.
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  #5  
Old 15-06-2018, 11:33 AM
Lorelyen
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I can relate to this though my story is different and I was eventually moved from my birth parents’ home at 13. I was at loggerheads with my parents quite early and it started to show around my age 8, plus or minus. They were strict, almost Victorian in how they ran their lives (and mine) sensual pleasures were a sin you’d think; never approved of music I liked (at that age, post punk-romantic like Strawberry Switchblade and classics) – probably because it wasn’t done to approve of what your child liked.

Mum was untidy and bordered on hysteria in the classic sense - a failure who blamed everyone else for her problems; friends I took home were made unwelcome and there were always humiliating down-puts and scenes. So I couldn’t take classmates back – which made it awkward going to their homes. I could never do anything right, they’d find the smallest details to criticise. Quarrels were rife particularly about money. They weren’t short on physical punishment either. I sometimes thought they took their own failings out on me. No need to go into detail but came a very nasty scene and I was pulled out by Social Services.

I’d long realised that I wasn’t like them. If I rebelled it was because I knew I was different. My life seemed to revolve around the moods of Nature at that time. Anyway, the curious thing was that by some freak of chance I was placed with foster parents and almost straight away I’d found my spiritual mum. I once told her that. There was once a conversation about my background and things I’d wanted to do but wasn’t allowed. She said something like “If you were my daughter, your life would have been very different.” And I remember saying, “But I am. There was a mistake in the wombs. It’s been put right now.” I remember she cried but it was tears of bond. It’s always been the same.

So in a way I can relate to those who believe their birth parents are not their spiritual parents or lineage. I can sympathise and just hope that some at least can find a spiritual home even if it’s in the beliefs that come to them or collectively the people they meet, the places they find to live and can tease out the spiritual detail. I just happened to be lucky and…it gave me a few nightmares that just a tiny difference in timing may have turned out different.

I so hope this is the case for you now that you’re ‘awake’ and you’ve come to a realisation, you can plan forward on a more fulfilling path.

Love and peace,
L
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  #6  
Old 15-06-2018, 08:57 PM
Compendium Compendium is offline
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Life Lessons: I come from a very abusive family I walked on egg shells too and I can so easily relate. I escaped when I turned 19 and yes I call it escape. My mother was very co dependant, My father went through life having trouble accepting I was jn fact his biological daughter, my sister is a drug addict and she is 9 yrs older than me. Her boyfriends molested me, my moms boyfriends abused me and my step dad tried to kill me. The lesson I had to learn was forgiveness not just forgiving them, but also myself. I subjected myself to them for a few years after I moved out, but eventually I realized I could no longer do that. I had to love me and work on making me happy. It was a hard lesson to learn and it took me years to learn it. To give you an idea I was 12 when I started working on it and I finally achieved it two weeks before my 37th birthday. Forgiveness of myself was the most difficult and took me years to accomplish. One day you will move out and you will be blessed with the choice of seeing them and being a family or walking away and creating your own family. Either way it has to be on your terms and what is healthiest for you and your growth. Until then you can still be you, but dont take what they say about your life path to heart. Everyone is on a different journey in some cases it will bring you closer to your family and other cases it may take you further away from them.

Namaste`
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  #7  
Old 16-06-2018, 07:18 PM
blossomingsoull97 blossomingsoull97 is offline
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Thank you everyone for your replies. I think i may end up leaving soon because it has been bery difficult. Somedays would be better than some. I truly feel
Unappreciated and i know its affecting my mental health because i feel suffocated. I end up feeling guilty cause maybe ive done something to affect our relationship. But then i realise that i havent and i try my best to avoid getting her angry. Somedays i feel as if im running out of patience
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  #8  
Old 22-06-2018, 09:42 AM
Morrigan Morrigan is offline
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Whyever should we be "full of love and light"? Wasn't it Ram Dass who said, "if you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family!"

You don't say how old you are, but maybe it's time for you to strike out on your own if you are old enough?
It took me until I was about 50 to stop "walking on eggshells" with people. I don't think it's a good thing to keep quiet for the sake of ruining the peace, as you say. Speak your truth, respectfully, but speak it. Don't let anyone silence you.
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  #9  
Old 22-06-2018, 06:08 PM
blossomingsoull97 blossomingsoull97 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morrigan
Whyever should we be "full of love and light"? Wasn't it Ram Dass who said, "if you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family!"

You don't say how old you are, but maybe it's time for you to strike out on your own if you are old enough?
It took me until I was about 50 to stop "walking on eggshells" with people. I don't think it's a good thing to keep quiet for the sake of ruining the peace, as you say. Speak your truth, respectfully, but speak it. Don't let anyone silence you.

Im 20. I did decide to leave today but my brother was telling me not to because if my parents do end up finding me, they would not allow me to leave the house again. My soul tells me to leave but i get afraid in case i regret this decision or something really bad happens. It’s far more difficult in pakistani cultures because people are more scary and my parents are scary cause they do end up raising their hands on us. It makes me sad that my mother could never be mother i wanted her to be. Everyone tells me that God will reward me for my patience but i also believe God doesnt just want you to stay in one position and not move for the rest of your life because you have to be patient.
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