jealous going through a child

Edited, deleted parts as I wrote too much again..

I know everyone can get jealous at one time or another in life and in romantic relationships and it ain't something we maybe can feel proud of later on.

I don't know if I am being too sensitive about something, and should just let it slide and not make a big thing out of it. It has been couple of days since it happened.

I am sort of in a dilemma about it because on the surface it does not look serious. And I could just let it be. I know I am sensitive and have a tendency to see the little things.

My luv said the other day as I was going to go away on a trip work related that if I found someone, did something (cheating) that, as a joke, he, our family, that i was not welcomed back. There was an immediate response in the back seat as if he had already prep for this.

He has years back when we had our baby in the car with us all of a sudden told me without provocation (unless the provocation was listening to a radio) that if I did that (cheating, apparently the story went that on the radio someone cheated) then he was going to fight for solo custody. He did similar sayings few more times. He does not like me come from a split family.

My dad fought in court wanting custody of me but he got said mom confused and all custody went to her. He was not confused before or after when I met him. Their story was that my mom thought he had cheated on her, they tried to make it still but she left him over this.

I think I have a fear that even if I will not cheat that if it somehow looks as if I have or he gets something in his head that I have that he will then as a parent bring all this into some process. I have no intention of doing so.

Am I oversensitive to react about the joke he made? I did not react when it happened and have thought about if I should bring it up with him or not. Then again I know I see "the little things" and they usually stay in the back of my head to then make a pattern along the road, some things I have always kept to myself, remembered for a reason proved later on to be very important even if I at the time did not understand it. This has gotten, I noticed, to be one of those things that has just stayed with me.

I don't know if it is down to my own fear as in my past my mom said my dad cheated on her , I never heard my dad's version , and he did not stand a chance in court those days, he would later beg and what not to see me, he was a good dad. I don't like it when you mix in what ever relationship you have going as adults with the kids.

Is this something or is it just me?

[lostsoul13]

I got it easy~ the kids were born with me {and we were in the sandwich theory} we layered each other, I was like following them but attached in the same bubble~ I basically raised them.. so my twin flame wouldn’t fight for custody…

I’d take it as a joke but be careful ~ it’s obvious in his mind: that if you cheated he would take full custody or at least attempt to try..

The child’s better of with the mother~

I’m a father saying that…

It would be hundreds of years before their mother would show up or them being born from the mother—- they were born alone as they are; ages 3 and up… they weren’t new born babies..

Gotta be hard~ while having babies is a baby boom this century’ I’d suppose every century …

Children need their mother~ there’s things they can’t discuss with me~ until they make it back from their higher self{ grown up self, comes and looks after the little self} I don’t see a resolution…

I can learn them strength and aloofness and how to be detached from pain- Tom boy sort of things.. how to build wind up technology and how to drive a car…
I can try talk about make up and girl parts but doesn’t change fact i have man parts..

Hope can beat their suspension…

Hi Lostsoul13, thank you for writing to me, I am trying to follow your thoughts, did you mean in the astral world of yours or reincarnation or both?

Edited what I wrote first: I have thought if he is more open than he think he is and this why he happened to catch one of my greatest fears in life considering what I have been through in the past with my first family?? Why he keeps bringing up cheating alongside fighting for solo custody.

I don't think the court then or maybe now but then again I know too little about it, how it works, think that because a parent is cheating on the other child's parent that it makes it a bad parent. However I don't think my mom would have been so bitter and fighting like that and wanting to keep solo custody . It looks like my dad's misfortune was that he mentally collapsed, got confused. Lot of pressure, I can imagine. I grew up never before knowing he had fought for me. Not like my mom told me that when it would have mattered...and he did not say anything. I was completely left in the dark, and I thought he did not love me.

And I do think you are right, that he somehow wanted me to watch out as you wrote.

Before in the past he has been on all sorts of trips work related, friends and I have never joked with him like that etc.

[WildHairedWoman]

Originally Posted by asearcher

I know everyone can get jealous at one time or another in life and in romantic relationships and it ain't something we maybe can feel proud of later on.
My luv said the other day as I was going to go away on a trip work related that if I found someone, did something (cheating) that, as a joke, he, our family, that i was not welcomed back.

I think you need to get a clue. Your S.O. is giving you hints that he wants to find a way to make you leave without taking the child. There was no rational reason for him to ever bring it up, yet he has twice, so he is thinking about it and it must be because either he is cheating or he has been lying to you about something. I get that he is the one you need to watch, he is making plans and they don't include you. He must think you are easily manipulated and is trying to make you worry and feel bad about nothing.

Thank you WildHairWoman, yes I do too believe I am easy to manipulate when it comes to me as a parent as any threats dressed up as just about anything is very effective, instantaneously. (perhaps he can pick up on that? he did not know about no custody battle or what it now was in my past when he said it).

(I've deleted the rest I wrote, just me and my thoughts, hi hi).

Thank you once again for your perspective of the matter :)

[Justin Passing]

asearcher - From what you've said about your partner I suspect it's just his own insecurities talking. Your going away and he doesn't want to lose you, so he makes a joking threat. Terrible idea, but that's people for you. We're really bad at this stuff. And you're right - this probably is going to bounce around inside you - driving you crazy.

My advice would be to connect with him. Privately. When you're alone. No words - just deeply connect and feel him with you. Really feel him. His fears, his wants, his love. Be with him and let him be with you. Then you'll know all you need to know.

[JustBe]

Regardless of what your partner’s issues are, I feel like this arising is a catalyst for you, related to generational healing.

His insecurity is activating your fear and doubt. It’s an entangled issue that like Justin shared, can be openly sat with and opened to heal this together.

Thank you both very much, :) I think he did try to scare me and I thought I better just look at this as insecurity and try to reconnect and so far it is working, that is at least how I feel about it at this point, what I can tell. I can't say that I feel as if he has withdrawn from me, even if he was close before he is coming in closer. In the end this is about trust. I'm gonna try to stay positive and calm and close by as long as I can. We've done enough panic in the past as it is.

[Justin Passing]

Good for you asearcher! When couples start to trigger each other's insecurities it can get ugly fast.