Platonic Twin Leaving / Past Ghosts Returning?

[TXGemini]

Hi All -

I have been in a reflective mood these last few weeks as time is winding down for my platonic twin to leave out of my life (most likely forever) for bigger and better financial opportunities. Originally I was shocked, numb, and then accepting that life is ever changing.

Now that I have accepted the fact that my twin is gone and out of my life, I have been hit with another emotional blow. Just before I finished work today, the phone rang, and on the other end was a voice from the past.

I was happy to hear from my friend, L who was a friend of my mom's. We talked for a while and caught up with each other's lives. L would like to come and see me, visit, and have lunch with me, which I wouldn't mind at all. However, the conversation turned to a ghost of my past that I'd wish to forget.

Anytime L calls he always brings up P. Of course if L comes, he will bring P. I don't want to see P, talk to P, or even think about P. L is adamant that P has matured and changed, but I don't care. He made a fool out of me once and I won't give him the opportunity again. I let everything go, but I don't want to be friends and chit chat with him again...I forgave but haven't forgotten.

So, my question is why after almost 25 years would P resurface after my platonic twin is leaving?

I think it is odd and strange Is this some kind of test by God?

If it is--I will fail this test on purpose.

Some people in your past should stay in your past.

[ad infinitum]

Well, that's a tricky one. Is it possible to tell L that you would love to see him, but only if he agree to not speak at all about P? Tell him you've moved on and firmly closed the door on that topic and if he wants to talk about it then he should stay home. It is absolutely acceptable to draw boundary lines and expect they not be crossed. And if L shows up and starts talking about P, it's okay to politely excuse yourself and walk away.

I'm kind of curious why L just can't let it go? That must be really frustrating for you!

It's probably just a coincidence that L (and by extension, P) is coming back into your life at a similar time.

You do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If L won't respect your boundaries, that's on him.

[TXGemini]

Thanks for the response ad infinitum,

L has always thought of himself as a father figure to me and had a romantic crush on my mom. L tried to set up P and me 25 years ago. To say it was a disaster would be an understatement.

I was a fresh faced little country girl in the big city, L took me under his wing like a daughter. Unfortunately his matchmaking didn't work out as he planned and P ended up being a jerk to me and said a lot of mean spirited and hurtful things to me. Any infatuations I may have felt for him evaporated.

Fast forward to the present my mom has passed away, and L never got his chance with her.

He's always been a romantic. He is still adamant that P is the one for me. I keep telling him that it will never be the case. When L called out of the blue after 4 years, he says P wants to see me; but, I have no desire to see P. The past is the past and should stay in the past. I have long forgiven P for his actions but I don't want to rehash or go down memory lane.

I would love to see L but I don't want to see P. It will be a package deal. I'm not the same person.

I just think it's strange that now that my platonic twin is leaving that I now hear from past ghosts in my life. I haven't talked to L by phone in almost 4 years and haven't seen him in person 19 years. I haven't heard from P by phone in 19 years and haven't seen him in person over 22 years.

L says P keeps tabs on me. I don't care, I have no feelings for him but L doesn't believe me. L wants to have lunch. I do too but I know it will be an ambush.

I reckon you should be adamant with 'L'. Simply tell him you have no wish to see 'P' and would gladly accept his invitation if he promises not to bring P along. And that you'll walk away if he does.

If L cares anything for you he'll comply. Why would he foist something on you that you don't want? He doesn't control you, after all - or does he see you as easily persuaded?

You could state that P ended up bad for your spirituality and you have no wish to let it influence you again. Or say, "d'you mind if I bring my boyfriend along?"!

Given the length of time since you last had contact it would seem that something devious is going on.

[TXGemini]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Given the length of time since you last had contact it would seem that something devious is going on.

I wouldn't put anything passed L and P when they get a 'plotting and planning' mode together. More than likely they will decide to 'surprise' me on my job or L will give P information and he will come to my place of work which is what happened the last time I saw P. They think I'll have to be civil and talk to him then.

What's bugging me is that I didn't do anything to trigger L (or possibly P) to pop up again. I don't have any unfinished business to settle. It's dead and buried as far as I'm concerned. L has always said P made a mistake, well P is just going to have to live & die with the mistake he made.

[ad infinitum]

No, of course you didn't do anything to trigger L or P. But good for you for having a strong sense of what you want and don't want. It's too bad that L won't be able to have lunch with you without bringing up P. It may just be better to not meet with him, if you think it will be an ambush. And I really hope they don't show up at your job! That would be awful!