how secretive is too secretive?

what do you think about staying with a partner that hides truth I'll just use one example they say there somewhere that their not...but just any type of keeping stuff from you or stretching the truth...is it best to be the taoist fool and trust no matter what others say or do while with them or not good for the soul to stay with someone who is secretive?

I just wonder because it's seems like such a fine line were told to let others be free but also ask for honesty when involved with someone romantically. I wonder is it expecting to much to want 100% truth? I often read that everybody lies but what is okay and what is crossing the boundary of trust?

[Clover]

Depends what they are secretive about. Trust and honesty is virtue and survival in a relationship. Although,I also strongly believe some things are meant to be kept to yourself and only you.

If you have an itch about your relationship that's making you uneasy.Listen to it,it's probably trying to make you aware of something.

I have a situation so it's a bit more than an itch but I'm confused on what is okay to keep from your partner and what isn't basically. He lied about where he was so is that cause for getting to the bottom of things or is it something better left to rest and let him do what he wants even if it's not being 100% forthcoming about his whereabouts.

The thing of it is this isn't the first time that the truth was hidden however it was the first he "lied" other times he just didn't mention things until confronted with me telling him I found out a secret.

Its weird to deal with someone that is so exceptionally sweet but does something so sour.

[muileag]

Originally Posted by lilybug

I have a situation so it's a bit more than an itch but I'm confused on what is okay to keep from your partner and what isn't basically. He lied about where he was so is that cause for getting to the bottom of things or is it something better left to rest and let him do what he wants even if it's not being 100% forthcoming about his whereabouts.

The thing of it is this isn't the first time that the truth was hidden however it was the first he "lied" other times he just didn't mention things until confronted with me telling him I found out a secret.

Its weird to deal with someone that is so exceptionally sweet but does something so sour.

I am in the midst of ending a relationship. One factor that I wished I had not ignored from the beginning was this sort of dishonesty. I am not clingy, nor do I want to know everything (or divulge everything to my partner), but there was always the refusal to share truth when an issue did come up, and finally, when I discovered a few things that shouldn't be happening if you're in a marriage, I was told by him that if I didn't want to be covered in "poo" then I shouldn't go looking for it. My husband could also be very sweet...when he felt like it.

Originally Posted by muileag

I am in the midst of ending a relationship. One factor that I wished I had not ignored from the beginning was this sort of dishonesty. I am not clingy, nor do I want to know everything (or divulge everything to my partner), but there was always the refusal to share truth when an issue did come up, and finally, when I discovered a few things that shouldn't be happening if you're in a marriage, I was told by him that if I didn't want to be covered in "poo" then I shouldn't go looking for it. My husband could also be very sweet...when he felt like it.

Im sorry to hear about that ending relationships are always so difficult nothing easy about it! Except afterwards (; That is exactly what I'm trying to decide this secretive thing is just in the beginning so I was thinking maybe get out now before I invest even more into this we have been together for over a year so it will only get harder the longer I wait at this point. This guy though is ALWAYS sweet even after all this ! he signed us up for couples therapy and says he wants to be with me forever, he loves me, hes sorry, he'll never do it again...but I don't know that I can believe him after knowing that he is quite capable of stretching the truth.
Why would a guy say all those sweet things but lie to the person they claim to so deeply love it just baffles my mind!

[muileag]

Originally Posted by lilybug

Why would a guy say all those sweet things but lie to the person they claim to so deeply love it just baffles my mind!

Exactly...and I believed him when he said he wouldn't be deceptive like that again because I simply can't fathom why a person would do that.

Good luck! I hope all works out for you positively.

lilybug, I say that you shouldn't invest any more time in this relationship. I spent 7 years in my first marriage with a sweet guy,every day he told me he loved me, I won't go into details, but it was all a lie, actions mean more than words. Follow your instincts.

Originally Posted by primrose

lilybug, I say that you shouldn't invest any more time in this relationship. I spent 7 years in my first marriage with a sweet guy,every day he told me he loved me, I won't go into details, but it was all a lie, actions mean more than words. Follow your instincts.

That is what is so confusing my instincts are telling me to stay but from the outside everyone is saying to leave well except my mom and therapist! We're in couples counseling right now which my therapist has said he is not a liar it's the lens I'm looking through but that was at the end so next week is when we will be taking about the different lenses. I had a bad home life with my father and abusive boyfriends plus I have an anxiety disorder so I see things a bit differently than others so I can't walk away right now. We have a home together and I can only hope for the best and remember that people make mistakes but I know I'll regret it if I don't give him this chance I think I'm strong enough to risk getting burned (used to it in fact) than to walk out on what I feel is the strongest love connection I've ever had. I want to thank you for your input but I'm hoping you won't be telling me I told you so a few years down the line!

[Belle]

lilybug you are strong and courageous to work through this, trust is such a difficult one to engage with having been abused. I admire you for taking your time to work it all out, and stay strong so you may make an informed choice.

lilibug, wishing you all the best,