Well, here goes....

[Starfish34]

As time goes by like the breeze from the winds, hearts beating from the life they bring, I often contemplate the many mysteries of our Earth, the Universe and the consciousness of all living creatures.

What is this life? Many people have tried to answer this through Science and religion, but what if there are no answers? Do we really exist? Could it be that we are a delusional dream ... a hologram? I'm not saying that our lives are meaningless, but my thoughts go so much further than the perceptions of reality that most of humankind enlist upon themselves and others to believe.
Why not try to understand one another instead of feeling the need to be crookedly judgemental?

What is time? A paradox. So little of it we have in this mortal machine. We are all taught to FEEL, to learn, what to believe, to speak, but there are some who cannot do either. Those of us who have these abilities think of them as tiny qualities of the soul, but this is where our soul is. Thoughts, the mind, the heart, I believe we take these with us wherever we go.

I feel lost here...trapped in a delusional sense of mortal Hell. Everywhere I look I see living death... walking, breathing, feeding off of the Earth and treating her like she is meaningless. I see living death being capable of so many monstrosities while being alive. My mind is cluttered with questions that may never be answered.

When I drive past a dead animal on the side of the road I always wonder how they have become so inferior to humans as if their lives never mattered. Humans are nothing more than hypocritical beasts who dwell upon this planet and think that they own it. I fear every single day I wake up that I have to be this human and communicate with the others. I'm sickened by them and even myself.

It's hard to smile and try to blend in with these people and yet I find myself having difficulties communicating with my own children. I've tried alcohol to relieve my pressure but it's added on to it. Every day I dread living here. I constantly wonder what will happen next. I sometimes wish that I can hide myself from the duties of mankind. I look normal, I usually ACT normal but I don't speak "normal". A lot of people see me as strange but that's something I'm used to. I've been this way since I was a small child. What way? Weird.

I picture being the child that I was, climbing my favorite tree, singing to the animals and having a heavy desire to know who or what created all of the beauty around me. I miss having my garden in Wisconsin and digging my hands in the soil, smelling it's fresh scent and seeing life created from it. I miss singing to my plants and feeling the sadness of ones that had died. I hope to at least experience that again before I leave this life.

It's difficult for me to see the beauty in day to day life and each day it gets worse. For many years I thought something was seriously wrong with me for feeling the way I do. I don't know what my purpose here on this planet is except to stay here as long as I can to keep my children alive and healthy. I don't really see any man in my life who could accept and love me, but I'm ok with that. I'm ok.

I've divorced once to what I thought was the love of my life and after he was gone I felt no desire to be in that position again. I want to be happy, but I'm too miserable. I don't know why I feel these feelings and have these thoughts. I'm on the edge of some sort of a mental breakdown and I'm thankful that I'm patient enough to calm myself down and stay on track. My dreams and intuition is getting stronger. I hope one day soon I can find someone who can talk to me and maybe help figure me out!

Thank you for reading this, if you did. You're awesome. I feel better already getting the gist of it out there in the open.

[FallingLeaves]

I was taught, I had to feel certain things to be accepted, and speak certain words to be accepted. But I was neither allowed to feel the appropriate feelings, nor speak the appropriate words. So even all these years later, I don't feel very accepted. But nonetheless there are things to do, ways to fill time.

I suppose, you could look at everything around you and see death. And in some ways that is all there is, an endless striving for death. And misleading each other by vainly calling it life. But in other ways, I see a great hope. Maybe like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

Nothing here is what it seems. I really believe that, with all my heart.

[Starfish34]

Thank you. "Nothing here is what it seems". I'll remember that one.