Do i move on or stay for the children?

Wow, that does give me hope Laura, thanks! It's always great to hear of happy endings! i'm so happy for you! :)

[lovingkind]

Lightworker it sounds like you made a very wise choice. Staying with someone for the children's sake is not a good idea. It could affect the children negatively as they would sense the energy. As a result it could have negative long term affects on them. I have experienced your situation and felt I was staying with my husband for the right reasons. But I found that I couldn't do it any longer because I was dying inside and found no joy in life. I listened to my soul and left. That was three years ago and have never been happier. Our souls do know what they are talking about!

That's great lovingkind! Yes i agree, our souls nudge us in certain directions for a reason! ^j^

[alamode]

People say its better to have two happy parents that are separated than to have two miserable parents that stay together. i went to parenting classes and the teacher said that. i knew that my ex husband wasn't right for me and i dreaded spending the rest of my life with him. we have one child together. i didn't leave him until i met my significant other, but it has been worth it. our child was just under 3 years old when i left him. its been about a year now since the separation and i think its working out. our child is happy and is doing well. i'm much happier. i feel relief rather than dreading spending the rest of my life with someone i didn't like. i would feel grossed out by him even touching me, thats how bad it is. with my new boyfriend, i can't get enough touching and being with him. i think we're soul mates. i would have never said that about my ex.

That's great alamode, i'm glad you found your soulmate! I'm much happier now, i'm starting a new business and getting out and about, i feel like i'm slowly getting back to being the old happy me! The only thing i'm struggling with is the guilt when i talk to my ex. I still care for him and i want him to be happy, but i suppose that takes time, i just have a really sensitive soul and i feel deeply for others which makes it hard on me & my decisions sometimes. He has told me that he wants me not to worry about him and to focus on myself and the kids, he said that is the only way i will find happiness. I think he is right, i just wish he would go back to being a bast#$d to make it easier for me lol! The kids are extremely happy, i can't believe it, it's fantastic! Beautiful little souls, it makes it worth it! Anyway, if anyone has any advice on how to get over your ex and not fall into the trap of "going back to what you know because it's easier" let me know, i have to stay strong!
Life is full of new opportunities, and i'm excited!:)

Keep remembering what he was like when you were together. That helped me. Don't let the "mask" fool you. You know the real him :)

[quote=lightworker]The only thing i'm struggling with is the guilt when i talk to my ex. I still care for him and i want him to be happy, but i suppose that takes time, i just have a really sensitive soul and i feel deeply for others which makes it hard on me & my decisions sometimes. He has told me that he wants me not to worry about him and to focus on myself and the kids, he said that is the only way i will find happiness. I think he is right, i just wish he would go back to being a bast#$d to make it easier for me lol!

Hi Lightworker, just reading through this, I too was in a relationship where I knew he wasn't the one, we separated and I also discovered so much of who I am and I can honestly say I'm so happy now, and it's thanks to him leaving. It's him that plays the "poor me" card to try and make me feel guilty that he isn't happy. When you say you wish he would go back to being a b#$ as it was easier, just keep remembering how much of a b#$# he was as he could very well be playing the "poor me" card with you to make you feel sorry for him, well don't.

Enjoy you, who you are without him, love your children and just be the best you can as a single parent. Enjoy being happy and don't even consider letting him make you feel bad for being happy, as you deserve to be happy!!!!!

There is allot that you teach the children by example.

Do you want to unintentionally set the children up for a loveless & possibly abusive marriage by letting them have the example that moms & dads don’t naturally get along all that well?????? This is the irreparable damage that I’m more concerned about.

How about your own happiness????? At 32 you are very young to consign your self to a marriage that isn’t working when you have a whole lifetime to find a loving partner where the relationship really works. Don’t think that your kids don’t get that this isn’t working.

I don't have any kids, but I can tell you what happened to my sister when she decided to get divorced:

She had stayed in the marriage for several years, being unhappy, for the exact reason you are pondering - for the kids. So she stuck it out until she finally couldn't stand it any more, and left. By this point, her girls were just becoming teenagers. Both of them decided to stay with their father. They instead were angry with/resented their mother. Both of them asked her the same thing: if you were that unhappy, why didn't you do this a long time ago?
Instead, she stayed, but the kids very easily knew that things were not right, and could plainly see that neither of their parents were happy...which in turn made them both miserable and I think feeling guilty.
It has only been within the last year or so that the youngest girl has come to terms with the divorce and has started speaking to/spending time with her mother again. The older one still will not speak to her mother at all.
So my advise from watching this unfold in my own family...is to NOT stay just for the kids. Believe me - kids know when you aren't happy, and it only makes it worse for them. I don't think it's worth it, but in the end, it's a personal choice you'll need to make.

Hi Lightworker,
Just a few words to wish you strength in your decisions, it's a hard thing to have to do, but I totally agree with the majority of replies on here that say it's better to have 2 happy parents who live apart than 2 unfulfilled ones sharing a house. Kids pick up on WAY more than we know & I'm quite sure they'll soon get used to new arrangements, they adapt so well when they're young.
It's also very easy to slip back into relationship coz it's like putting on a comfy pair of shoes, but do try not to or you'll never be ready to move on in your head or heart.
Good things are round the corner for you, all you have to do is be brave enough to take the steps & keep walking forward, not turning to look back.
I wish you luck & love
S
x