Originally Posted by ForgedInFire
So i've been thinking lately about how someone can mistake a person for being a "twin flame".
We all know the same old tired and over played out "story"
Hes with someone else and wont leave that person for me.
He only gives "crumbs" and withdraws again.
Hes a runner
He he he. obsess obsess obsess. hes my twin flame! Ive never felt like this about anybody before.. blah blah blah
For far too long "twin flame teachers" have been enabling too many people who have an anxious/avoidant attachment relationship to think "he's my twin flame"
This is a well documented occurrence that all human being have. It is also biologically hardwired in all humans.
I think it is no coincidence that far too many things between anxious/avoidant attachment relationships and "twin flames" are exactly the same.
It is no coincidence that we are seeing the very same happening in the "twin flame" community as what is outlined in the video.
The only difference is one is thoroughly documented and researched while the other is some spiritually branded made up "theory" with no proof of any kind other then "feelings" and "signs"
so what do you think about "twin flames" now huh?
I see so many out there saying there "no logical explanation" for what these so called "twin flames" are experiencing..but there actually is.. anxious/avoidant attachment relationships. And there is nothing "twin flame" about it at all.
I'm reading a book at the moment... It is helping keep to heal the patterns of attachment which I inherited as a result of my childhood experiences.
I have a anxious avoidance ... It is often more of a non attachment style... Haha There are a few different types of unhealthy attachment styles... Anxious attachment is just one way unhealthy attachment expresses itself.
My attachment style is a result of having absent parents who are also have no healthy model of relationships to pass on to their children.
Avoidant attachers are probably those who term thenselves as 'runners' in the TF groups.
Attachment styles are learned coping behaviours from parent/caregiver child relationships.
Anxious avoidance and Co - dependence are actually two distinct things in my experience.
Anxious attachment expresses more like Co -dependancy where as anxious avoidance folk are more likely to try and be fiercely independent as they do not trust others to support them.
I have a long pattern of anxious avoidance where I learned from childhood that it is simply
Not safe to rely or trust anyone... Not even myself.
This use resulted in a pattern of anxious avoidance in all of my relationships including friendships where I would automatically push people away as my learned attachment style was that my needs would go unmet... And worse still I was actually not even safe enough to ask for help.
Rather than Co - dependance this actually caused me to become so firecly independent that it became detrimental to me.
The thing with anxious avoidance is the one who is anxious needs to he able to connect intimately with others but they are fearful because of the very real past experiences of having their needs outrightly rejected as children.
When a child has not had healthy attachments modeled to them they lack a mirror and without that mirror at key developmental stages there is quite literally nothing reflected back to the child... No point of reference to help them develop an independent identity... No validation from their caregivers and so they then learn that it is not safe to be themselves, or when they are themselves they are met with nothing (neglect) or worse yet... rejection of who they are.
Anxious avoidance is quite a diacotomy of experience and should not be confused with Co - dependence... Anxiously avoidant people have learnt that they cannot be reliant on others.
I just wanted to provide a little bit of insight about anxious avoidance in contrast to anxious attachment just in case it helps someone...
It is actually most often due to a severe lack of parental expression of love, support and rejection which imprints a child with this kind of attachment style...
It is something which requires compassion to heal from... It is important that people with anxious avoidance style acknowledge the pain and loss they feel and begin to find support to build positive attachment styles as adults.