I need some guidence/help

There's been an interesting event that has been constantly effecting me in my life at the moment. I will ask my questions and assistance further on after I complete this story. This event started on December 31st, 2008. Towards New Year's.

I was 18 at time, hanging out with a highschool crowd that was all about skateboarding, cocaine, and other heavy drugs. I only was involved with those people for the skateboarding, and how much fun I'd have with it. On a side note, I was also into music, and in a band with my best friend who I met in highschool and we recently released our first song at that time. Anyways. I'll just have to narrate the story and explain exactly what I did.

It started when I got invited to go to my friend at the time's house (you'll find out why he's not a friend anymore later). My other good friend was going to be there and at the time I was into marijaunna and I never smoked with him but I wanted to so I picked up two different kinds of weed and brought a blunt. When I showed up at my friend at the time's house, he told me to smoke the whole blunt by myself. I couldn't really handle that much, and I wanted to wait for my good friend to come, but he pressured me into doing it. So I did. I got to about the end of the blunt to where I could hardly really function and everything was slow motion, so I just sat down and took it easy. I brought snacks in a bag and one of them was white cheddar popcorn. So I open up my drink and start eating my popcorn and just focusing on mellowing and chilling out. I look in the corner to see that friend at the time and his friend pull out airsoft guns and aim it to my face. They start shooting close range at my face and body. I remember hearing girls saying "doesn't that hurt, why don't you feel anything?" of course I was high, but at the same time, I didn't want to be blind. They started aiming for my eyes, that's when I told them to stop. they did. The next thing I remember is the other person who was shooting me started chewing dip. I remember that memory very vividly, there was something iconic about that chewing tobacco he had at the time.. But I didn't know what..

Next, I see my friend at the time and everyone else smirking and laughing at me. I didn't know why, but I noticed that one of his friends got up, and from what it looked like, chucked something into my bag of popcorn. But then again, I was high, and at that time, i seemed like more of the panic type when I was high. "maybe I was imagination all of this" I thought to myself. So I continue to eat the popcorn. But as I do, I bite into something very rubbery. something that didn't seem like popcorn at all. I still continued to think I was high and just swallowed it as everybody laughed. I then realized that it wasn't popcorn. I was choking on something. I couldn't breathe, I was having a panic attack. I stood up and looked at everyone and cried for help, but all they did was just stand there and laugh at me. I ended up trying to throw it up, and everyone freaked out and just left. Except for him. My friend at the time. He was drunk off of his backpack full of Four loco's (alchohol) and was yelling at me for scaring away his party. I asked him and begged him for help or atleast to tell me what it was that I was choking on, he said he would help me only if I drove him to another party. So I got in my car, and drove him. As I was driving him he was freaking out saying that I was driving terribly (which from my observations I seemed fine) he said that he had 3 felonies and that he didn't want to go to jail so he demanded to drive. I told him that I trust him and that I will let him only because of that. So we switched seats. as I did, he looks at me, and smirks. He hits the gas pedal and floors it. Goes 100 in the windy back roads of a woodsy area. So I tell him to stop the car, and to get the **** out. I kick him out. but as I did, he said words that I will never forget. "You're going to ****ing die tonight, you can't drive dude. You won't be able to make it home, you're choking and you're going to die." He than called my good friend who ended up not showing up and told him that I was going to die tonight because I was choking and ****ed up while driving. That was the last I heard from him that night.

As I am continuing to struggle with the thing that was stuck in my throat, I was still choking. So I had to find something to drink it down with. I looked around in my car as I was driving and found the four loco (alchohol) that he had left, still full. I drank the whole thing down to see if it would go away, but it didn't. I could feel that it budged a little bit. After that I started swerving and this is where everything changed.

I hit a stop sign. but this is what the odd part was. Through me panicking and through all the commotion, once I hit this stop sign, everything went silent and calm. All I could hear was this certain silence. And everything was slow motion. I couldn't really hear anything but my own voice and.. This .. Calm voice. It wasn't a whispering voice but it wasn't a distinguishable male/female voice, I couldn't really tell it was just so very calm. And it told me "You are going to die tonight. You are going to die, and it will be by water." I noticed the marshy waters on both sides of the road as I was swerving. I begged and screamed from the top of my lungs as I was driving that I couldn't die. It wasn't my time. I wanted to do something with my life. I wanted to at least go somewhere with music. So then this voice started bargaining with me "You won't die then, but you will lose your sight" I pleaded to the voice that I needed my vision. "then you will lose your hearing" I begged and told the voice that I needed my hearing for my music. I just kept begging. The voice went away, but then it came back. "I have made a deal with your father. You are going to live, and you will excel in your music but I still have to take a life". This is what the odd part was in this conversation I had with this voice.. After that, it disappeared. my father had colon cancer and fought hard for 3 years until he passed away when I was about 13. I remember my mother telling me the story about how he passed away. The doctors told my mom that he was panicking one night, frantically talking to somebody in his room. But no one was there. The doctors didn't see anyone in the room, but himself. He died that very morning.

So I somehow managed to drive all the way home fine. Until I walk in. It was new years and my neighbor was over with my mom, but apparently I was freaking everyone out, and I couldn't really breathe so my neighbor left. my mother was scared, but I just wanted to sleep this all off, like it was some nightmare. So I finally rest my eyes. Only to wake up to my mother crying in the morning. She comes into my room to tell me something. I ask her why she was crying, and she told me that my cousin had died on new years eve, by oddly speeding over 100mph and drives off a bridge into the river. The impact of the car hitting the water crushed his skull. He was only 18, and he was a religious scholar. He never partied, he never did anything. I wish it was me sometimes. Because he never fully lived his life. it was like I was reliving the nightmare, again, only that I woke up. The last I heard from him, was 2 days prior, wishing me and my family a happy christmas.

Was this really just a bad joke? A bad coincidence? A really ****ed up coincidence? I kept asking myself. I still don't know what to believe.

Now. Two years have gone by. It's weird because it seems like my dreams are coming true. All that I have ever wanted. I'm in a band with my best friend from highschool again. Our music is doing very well, and I am headlining and playing with bands that me and him would listen to in the car.. not only that, but I am becoming friends with them? Hanging out with them in their tour buses? Playing shows with them? We're only progressing further and further, but how could this have ever happened? I mean what are the odds of me becoming good friends with bands that are hitting the billboard charts? I never imagined it to be this way, and it still seems like a dream, as if everything that the voice has said to me has come true, but I don't know what to believe still.

Oh and I end up hanging out with that person who used to be my friend last year. We caught up and smoked some spice and were chatting when he mentioned that dreadful night.. "Hey man, do you remember that new years night when you were freaking out? Well.. Dude, you swallowed a condom with DIP in it. Pound it!!". So it turns out that dip that I saw the guy chewing, was what he put in the condom. So it turns out that I wasn't just hallucinating, I was actually choking, and the people were laughing at me because of the "prank" not because I was tripping. So if that's the case, if that was all real, then what was, and what wasn't? Was the voice real?

I mean, are all of these things happening to me just coincidences? Really bad coincidences to me?
Maybe these are real? Maybe I'm on some sort of musical spiritual quest to find my self and succeed and influence other people and play a role in fate? Or destiny? I don't know what to believe anymore, this has been on my mind for some time, because if it is real, then my cousin died and has sacrificed all of this for me.. and if it isn't real and that these events were just really bad coincidences, then they are really ****ed up coincidences! Right? Can someone please help me with this, give me a legitimate take on my situation? Should I continue to pursue my path? Was this really spiritual? What do you think that voice was? Why did it mention my father?

Thank you for taking the time and effort on reading this.

- Nav.

[Evaah]

Wow... that's quite the story.

I can't say for sure whether this was a "spiritual" experience. I feel that coincidences are more than coincidences. But considering the circumstances (by which I mean the state you were in), it's difficult to tell whether this voice was a Guide, angel, or your own frightened thoughts. It doesn't seem right to me for a Guide/angel to bargain, nor have I heard of a Guide/angel having to take someone's life. This is why I'm a little confused.

If it was a Guide/angel, perhaps he/she/it was trying to get your attention. You know.. after abusing the body. But that's a very powerful coincidence. Unfortunately, I don't have an answer.

I think that perhaps when your mind was in an altered state you were able to connect with other dimensions - maybe angelic, maybe not. Angels don't make deals involving taking other peoples' lives. None of us know everything thats 'out there'. Whatever, I would take this as a warning to stay in control of your own mind from now on.

[Spirit Guide Sparrow]

Well, firstly my friend, Nav, it needs to be firmly understood that this grief and guilt you continue to carry surrounding this memory is unjustified. This guilt is simply your way of handling your own interpretation of events in a responsible way. In a sense, you have come to understand your sense of responsibility within the actions and decisions you make, which is wonderful. Yet you have persisted to attach yourself to some imagined notion of debt or spiritual currency which has been exchanged, leaving you in a state of prolonged guilt and sadness over the death of another. It is now time to let go of this guilt for it has no place in actual truth. Any past mistake or action you have in the past performed you are now forgiven of, and it is now time to embrace your own self-forgiveness in kind.

The voice in your head was not that of any angel or loving being, simply because such an interaction would not be attuned to a loving intention. Instead it is one which instigated fear and feelings of guilt and punishment. There is no being within the realms of infinite love which would seek to bargain or dictate terms for your right to live, or the right for another to live. Similarly there is no being within the realms of infinite love who has the authority to dictate what you are to learn in the form of lessons, what debt you are to give or what punishment you are to endure. These, my young friend, are purely thoughts conjured from physical mind reasoning which have no basis of truth in the spirit world.

While under the influence of certain drug induced states, which are in effect toxins and poisons to your system, you are susceptible to many aspects of your subconscious persona. In a sense your normal self-control mechanisms which enable you to behave as one mind, one persona were hindered by your drug induced, and fear induced state. Your consciousness would not have had the normal boundaries in place at the time, and therefore susceptible to deep dark corners of your subconscious.

In truth, as far as the physical world in concerned, coincidences do in fact occur. They occur so often in fact that many individuals spend their entire lives seeking them out and attaching all sorts of divine spiritual significance to them. This is because such an individual yearns to feel connected to spirit and tends to place responsibility for everything in the hands of the spirit world. It is actually very difficult for the spirit world to interact within physical state because it is akin to a human being trying to control a kite in the middle of a hurricane, or trying to have an intimate conversation in the middle of a live musical performance.

Your path in life is your own to choose. Do not adhere to the imprisonment of a mindset or belief that you must do one thing or another because someone said it is your destiny. Let go of this disillusion that another had to be sacrificed so that you may retain your right to live and be happy. All beings choose their own fate. Be assured that this loved one who passed is responsible for their own actions and choices, in this life and the next.


Everpresent
-Sparrow

Thank you all for your feedback and comments. So for the people that mentioned something with spirits, I find that very intriguing, one thing I did hear, about was that the Angel of Death, or Death it's self actually might be a spiritual entity, and it may have been that which bargains of one's life, does anybody know more about this? (That's only if spirits actually exist, I'm not saying that this is what I believe or that they don't)

As for Sparrow, Thank you very much for your take on a thoughtful explanation. It is very logical, however I am not saying that I am yearning to believe that this all happened, I'm just saying that I'm confused. I do believe in coincidences, so I'm thinking that all of these must have been really large ones.

What baffles me though, is that everything that I heard in that "voice" whether it was my concious or a spirit or whatever the case, it pretty much has been predicting my life ahead which is this present situation I am in with my music.. It just mind ****s me. you know? haha.

for the record I'm actually quite happy , and it's not that I am "punishing" myself, or regretting what happened or the actions in which I chose. Although I mourn his loss, there really was nothing I could do, it just baffles me that I was being warned that I was going to die by something coincidental as what happened to my cousin nearly right after the event happened to me and how his death was related to what I was being warned about. And how my future was pretty much fortold in.. let's say my own concious? (to let you know , it's about a one in a million chance to actually go anywhere in my genre of music; especially at where I am now) So I really do find all of that intriguing.. I just would love to get a logical explanation out of it. From a realist and scientific side, but also from a spiritual side. One thing I've been learning through this experience is that to me, it seems as if fate does exist, and that everything seems to be happening for a reason.
Thanks for posting nonetheless, and I would love to see other thoughts and feedback on here as well.

- Nav