the myth of happiness and some true causes of happiness

[happy soul]

The myth of happiness: 'If I can just get what I want, and avoid what I don't want, I'll be happy.'

It may seem naive, but many if not most people believe this myth.

'If I can find the right job and the right partner, I'll have it made. I'll be happy.'

Here are some true causes of happiness I thought of, which have been confirmed by research and personal experience. Of course, this list is definitely incomplete.

- a sense of meaning and purpose

- love (for both yourself and others), acceptance, and personal integrity

- a healthy perspective, including a positive view of self, self-esteem, self-worth

- for many people, spirituality and spiritual practice, which can help to provide all three of the things listed above

Edit: Btw I think it's a good thing to want a job and a partner that are right for oneself, I'm just saying that those things alone won't make us happy.

[happy soul]

I thought about what I said about finding the right job and the right partner, and I want to add that, I really DO think it's important to do that, and it CAN add to your happiness and save you from a great deal of suffering.

I just think that those things alone aren't enough.

I basically agree about a source of happiness concerns self-motivation to find a purposeful existence. Once, in olden times before society was wrecked by social engineers mostly this came from marrying and having a family and believing the myth that suffering and stress on earth assured you a place in heaven when you push up the daisies - providing you believed and did what the priests told you to do. Bringing up a family gave purpose. So a "partner" was a prerequisite. In those days loyalties and duty helped to hold people together and unless they were badly matched they "got used to each other." Those who enjoyed mutual admiration, appreciation often went on to become inseparable, "as one."

Now, though, what? I believe that having a job into which one can throw oneself helps to create purpose. You have to survive so you need money to buy that: a roof over your head, food, water, warmth. So you have to earn. There are those however who are happy to sponge on the labours of others, even get a lift out of knowing what they're up to but if they're happy I'd reckon that's a myth. One can never be sure what turn state welfare might take.

Unfortunately, industrialisation has served humanity badly. Many jobs are soul-destroying and life-frittering. Most people in factories have neither clue nor interest in what their employer's business objectives are. They're there for the wage (and in former times as a centre where they could socialise).
When a company takes an obvious interest in its employees the "happiness" of those workers starts to rise. Have a look at the "Hawthorne experiment".

As an admirer of Ned Ludd and possibly the most profound Luddite on the forum, I believe "he" was right. (The effect was named after him though he wasn't the one throwing his sabots in the machines.) In an artisan society people can take pride in their work; they have a role in the community. Much more of a purposeful existence - serving their community and being served by others. Happy interaction. Sure, there was competition so I can only generalise - probably wrong in a few cases. Even so, people's occupational destiny was far more under their own control.

As for a partner, I don't know. I'm a bit ambiguous - a bit of a loner but who likes to be with people I know and have a good working relationship. But then my job and theirs are closer to artisan than, say, an average supermarket worker. I get on quite well with people who have unpretentious spiritual aspirations. I don't like the word "partner" which to me is a business associate but the term now defines and legitimises the alternatives to an officially sanctioned relationship.

I think Maslow's "Hierarchy of needs" comes into this. Once someone's survival is assured their aspirations raise to new levels. Worth a look, possibly?

[happy soul]

I was reading about Maslow recently and have been interested in looking into his - along with a few other psychological theorists - ideas.

Thanks for mentioning him cause I think I'm gonna do that now. The internet sure makes it easy to do that!

Well, your topic spread a little further than this forum. The question was raised in a pub get-together last night. One of my friends classes himself as an "organisational sociologist" and has seen the workplace change from a node of social interaction to a drudge over about 20 years probably applied to salaried occupations. It raised perhaps a deeper question - what purpose does work serve? The obvious answer is it's an economic need and it gives people a wage so that they can survive to be able to....what? Go to work.

It's where most people spend most of their time and made some of their friends. It was also secure. Most salaried organisations ensured a job for life if you behaved yourself. Most people were "moderately" content. If their home life was fine then happy. There were always stresses but not at the levels they are now with job security gone, huge debts and a risk of being thrown on the street if unable to pay the mortgage.

Formerly, I'm guessing, most people were rising up the hierarchy of needs. Now I suppose that's overshadowed by fear of being thrown back to the bottom. Perhaps inspired by my parents I chose to control my own destiny such as it might be, and quit formal office work over a decade ago. I suspect I've been happier although there have been scary moments. It also brings focus on what one actually needs rather than what they'd love to have. You lead a simpler life - no debt, no clutter, no surrender to consumerism - and that's happy-making.

An interesting subject.

[Empowers]

No matter where you are, if the external world is what fills you, you will always want for more or different. People who live with a foundation of hope, compassion, inclusion/community and acceptance are the happiest, whether they live in an industrialized or basic nation. It becomes harder, in my opinion, to live within those principals in the propagandized environment of modern society. We are taught to fear, through example and osmosis, everything. This constant barrage on our senses make our natural, compassionate soul more difficult to be free.

[tavarusabstracts]

For me, I found true happiness when I started aligning my personality with soul. The more I started to identify my souls purpose, the mind was at peace. I couldn't argue with reality or life's struggle because I knew everything is beautiful-- serving. Our soul is our authentic being and must be watered daily. If only we can release world identity and bring forward soul, we'll discover love and compassion which is abundance.

[happy soul]

Lorelyen, something else about work is that, like every other moment of the day, it's an opportunity for practice, to choose love rather than fear, to live in the present, remain centered, etc. One can do those things no matter what job they have.

Empowers, I agree and that's exactly my point. External things, however much desired, can't fulfill us. And yes the way of the world tends to be a fear-based approach to the whole of life. Effective spiritual practice, of course, should help us to reverse and heal that way of life.

Tav, what you said is similar to the teachings of Abraham - aligning ourselves with soul, or what he calls 'source'.

[weareunity]

Hello all.

Pilgrims thoughts were constantly concerned with how to become happy and came one day to a door closed across the path. On the door was written "how ?" , and Pilgrim pondered long and fruitlessly, unable to answer it seemed, and so unable to continue. In frustration Pilgrim kicked the door. It was surprisingly solid and the only result was a painful foot and a loud yelp.

Pilgrim took a breath and sat down by the path, inspecting the painful foot. Suddenly it all seemed so ridiculous, so comical. Pilgrim felt ridiculous, felt comical, and began to laugh at him/her self with a kind of fresh open joyfulness.

When Pilgrim finally stopped laughing and looked up, the door had opened.

petex