it is not a linear process after all...

[selene]

I wrote a couple of weeks ago here, determined that this was the end between me and my twin. It was expressing my feelings at the time. I was not angry, or disappointed. I was cold-headedly thinking that I did not want to talk to my twin again... whether it is because he is my twin, or because he knows I write here, he must have figured out, and he has not talked since, except once -and unlike the normal balance between us, it was me who initiated contact then and he was kind of cold. I -immaturely -popped in and then left the conversation immediately.

In any case, I thought I was doing very well, moving on, being happy and working on my life... but the last few days, it bothers me. I am not sad and I am not sure if I want him back in my life... but every time my mind goes to how he lied to me, I feel a very unfamiliar feeling. It is not anger or sadness, it is not even disappointment... it feels like something needs to be said, but I am not sure what.

But whenever I think of him I visualize a barrier between us that all my logic says is rightfully there, one that seems to have not an emotional effect.. and yet, it feels wrong.

During our other 'breaks', it felt like my heart was breaking... this time, it feels like the air embracing my chest area is solid and is pressing against me. It does not hurt, it does not prevent me from taking a deep breath -when I remember I need to breathe - or keep working on myself. But it is just there.

I know I am not very clear... I am just wondering if anyone has experienced this sort of thing, or if you have any idea about what I should do. Talking to my twin about these issues has always seemed impossible. He will tell me I am right, he will take full responsibility -but, he will always turn around and do the same thing. I cannot count on him anymore to do right by me. But it seems that this is not the end either?...

[FallingLeaves]

when you know what to do, to bring about a desired result, that also brings about a kind of ending.

As much as I am upset about not ever getting any kind of closure with anything with my twin, I gotta admit this rollercoaster we are on kinda lives and breathes on its own. No permanent end in sight!

[Inika]

maybe some under current karmic patterns still playing out

[Anne]

I like the responses above.

“It feels like something needs to be said, but I’m not sure what.”

I have experienced this feeling but have yet to discover the definitive solution to allay my qualms.., except to do what you are doing, which i think is fine.
Breathe through it and carry on.

Inika could be right. In which case, patience is key.... probably the toughest lesson to learn in our current world.

Closure of any sort appears as such a relief, does it not?!
Time to get off the roller coaster, but how? TF scenarios appear to confound the most stalwart hearts. I wish I had the answer..Best wishes to you selene.

[selene]

Thank you all for you input...

oh wow, Falling Leaves... I like this 'lives and breathes on its own' description. It makes much sense for bonds like that that may leave so many open fronts. I just hope it ends at some point.

Inika, you may be right. I have thought about it too, but then, a couple of weeks ago, I was so certain it was over and I had gotten my closure... in a way, I am curious to see how it will play out if it is karmic.

Thank you Anne, for your sweet response. I guess I'll just have to wait it out -and will try to not say something, abstractly hoping that the right thing will come out on its own...

[1111beings]

I think much like anything, when lies are told something is out of balance. I find that whenever someone is thinking negatively, about anything -- something is not right.

At first glance, I would say this isn't a twin flame relationship. In my mind, a twin would be happy that you are on a forum, sharing your thoughts and feelings to gain better insight.

[Illuminata007]

I was dealing with a near twin (same soul group with many of the tf "signs") and I also reached a point similar to you. All you can do is let go of any hurt or disappointment, truly acknowkedge all your feelings. Love yourself for undertaking this journey ��. forgive yourself for your mistakes along thevway. Forgive him even if he never asks for forgiveness. Being lied to just feels awful. There is no real closure but maybe a greater understanding of how you can show up for yourself more. Remember we are all connected always, there is no real separation.

[selene]

Originally Posted by 1111beings

I think much like anything, when lies are told something is out of balance. I find that whenever someone is thinking negatively, about anything -- something is not right.

At first glance, I would say this isn't a twin flame relationship. In my mind, a twin would be happy that you are on a forum, sharing your thoughts and feelings to gain better insight.

thank you. I believe too that when someone is thinking negatively, it is an indication that something is not right. Only when it comes to this, I am not sure anymore if it was him or something else that was going on that got me to think so negatively.

Still trying to figure out if it is this bond or the other stuff that got me this weird pressure feeling.

[selene]

Originally Posted by Illuminata007

I was dealing with a near twin (same soul group with many of the tf "signs") and I also reached a point similar to you. All you can do is let go of any hurt or disappointment, truly acknowkedge all your feelings. Love yourself for undertaking this journey ��. forgive yourself for your mistakes along thevway. Forgive him even if he never asks for forgiveness. Being lied to just feels awful. There is no real closure but maybe a greater understanding of how you can show up for yourself more. Remember we are all connected always, there is no real separation.

What a beautiful message. Thank you