Assisting in Healing from Mental Illness and Trauma

[jypsijemini]

Good morning, Spiritual Family!

I'm having a bit of a tough week and struggling to know where to turn.

My partner and I have been together for a year. He was very upfront right from the get-go that he suffers from mental illness (namely and predominantly depression, but at times anxiety as well). This has never bothered me as I have a "black dog" myself that has come and gone all through my life too. Only recently I watched my dad meet his "black dog" for the first time too. Depression has become a pretty normal, common theme in my life.

Every partner I've ever had has suffered from it. My brother suffered from it. Just about everyone I've known and grown close to has tangoed with depression at some point in their lives.

I currently very balanced and consistent in my moods, thoughts and feelings - all without medication. I've steered away from medication as much as I possibly can as I believe that I, personally, have the power to overcome and manage my own depression. In the past, my depression was triggered by domestic violence and heavy marijuana use. I also notice that it's just hanging in the background and likes to poke it's head in whenever I'm burning out or if I get drunk.

I quit smoking a month ago. I've realised recently that I can't even get drunk anymore because it's likely to bring on depressive thoughts and feelings. There's literally no 'bandaid' left for me to use to cope with life's stressors and this is just another lesson that I'm being faced with. I feel as though I'm just ready to level up and find my own strength, no matter how difficult it's feeling right now. I can either choose to dance with depression and keep doing all the things that trigger it, or I can choose to find a path that will bring me happiness and health. I'd rather live the rest of my life healthy and happy rather than pleasing my senses with instant gratification.

Which brings me to my current situation. I love my partner dearly. I absolutely adore him - through thick or thin. There's no question in my mind that I will NOT give up on him.

I just don't know how to help anymore.

He's been on medication for years now and in the last few months, he's doubled his dosage. It keeps him fairly balanced, functioning and level-headed. It seems to work for him. He's not on the same path as me mentally - things are just happening to him that are totally out of his control and he's just fighting to stay sane in the midst of everything. I believe that I either have a hand in what's going on - or the challenge I'm facing is there to help me to learn something. I try to find the constructive outcome in everything rather than allowing it to overcome and destroy and control me.

This week, my partner ran out of medication. He's spiralling. He injured himself at work before we ever met and has been on workcover ever since - but his payments stopped about 9 months ago so we've been living off my wage ever since. Before we quit smoking a month ago, that was where most of our money went. Until September of last year, we were smoking weed almost every day for about half a year. It was demotivating, unaffordable and a downright crazy way to live.

So we cleaned up our act. We've been supporting each other, quitting cold turkey and hey - I've got to give him huge props for having the strength to do that with me. That shouldn't go unnoticed.

His depression also stems from his own abusive ex who hasn't let him see his own son for the past six years. He fought tooth and nail for a couple years but she ultimately won every fight and he has felt too broken to pursue it. Combined with his inability to work, the constant pain he's experiencing and all the pressure he puts himself under for not being able to contribute and take care of me, he's just a mess when he hasn't taken his meds.

And this week, he's been without medication for almost five days and hasn't done a thing to renew his script. I've kept money aside, I've reminded him every day - he's got to see a doctor to get a new script written up. I can't do it for him otherwise you bet I would have.

To top it all off, his lawyers are flying him interstate for a day trip to see specialists about his workplace injury and he's been convincing himself that his claim will get thrown out, he won't see any compensation at all and it'll all just be for nothing and he's going to have to deal with the debt and the injury for the rest of his life etc.

Oh man. Seriously - if anyone has read this far into my post, my heartfelt thanks and sympathies. I can't imagine how confused you must be right now but I just have no idea where to turn or who to talk to about this. My mum is overseas. She's seen my dad through all of this and she gets it - but they're only just getting to know my man. I know she gets it but I also know that he doesn't want to just be seen as my depressed, struggling boyfriend. She cares, she loves him too but I just don't want to put so much on someone else's plate.

I'm scared that I'm going to buckle under the pressure and break again. I know I'm stronger than that. I know I can do this. I mean, I used the power of my incredible mind and willpower to quit two huge addictions within the last six months! That is HUGE! But I'm also feeling fragile, confused, lost.

I want to help and I don't really know how anymore. I know I can't fix anyone and that's not what I'm desiring. I know it's going to take his own realisation, his own motivation and desire to seek proper healing and solutions...

I just want to know how I can best support the man I so deeply adore while he's falling apart.

[EsterHanna]

Hi,
It sounds as you are in severe circumstances. Reading your post makes me very worried. Do you have anyone to turn to for support except your mother? It is not advised to carry your and your partner’s burden alone!

It’s such a strong action you reaching out like this. It shows you’re brave and mindful.

Addiction has many faces (including co-dependence). Quitting cold turkey or exchanging one”substance” for something else does not heal the underlying devastating illness of addiction - which is a deadly disease at first emotionally and spiritually. Since you posted on this forum I guess you know/feel that already, and I apologize if I upset you in any way, my goal is merely to reassure you, let you know there is a way forward, a way to recover, heal, find the joy of life as it is and get unconditional love to grow spiritually. I guess you heard of narcotics anonymous, that program and community saved my life.

However sometimes the harsh reality is that you cannot save someone else, no matter how much love and strength you give them, I’ve lived that experience and do not wish it on anyone.

Please take care!

With love
EsterHanna

[Tis Armand]

Something inside him is bringing him down. I would suggest a one-day celery-apple-cucumber cleanse. Start making him fresh juices each day, of pomegranate, grape, orange, cucumber or celery. Do not mix them. Drink it 2 hours after meals and 30 minutes before meals. 450-600ml. Take him to the steam room to sweat out his problems. Spend 3-4 hours there with him but make sure you speak to your doctor about juicing and steam rooms before you take the leap.

Also, if possible, take him to an experienced Raynor massage therapist.

As a last resort, consider taking him to an Ayahuasca ceremony. This potent tea tends to remove anxiety literally overnight and the effect lasts 30 days. Again, speak to your doctor about all of this.