Bad dream about someone breaking into my house

[astralwanderer]

Last night I had a dream that I walked into the living room of my house and found that there were 8 old cars and trucks in my yard. As I noticed this, people started emerging from the vehicles holding shotguns and machetes and other weapons, like they were coming to break into my house. I started turning on the lights (it was night) and they retreated and started to drive off.

I called my husband at work, but he told me he couldn't come home right now and that everything was fine because the people had left.

Later, a man and two women came and broke the door down and were telling me they were going to kill me and steal all our stuff. While they had their backs turned, I used my cell phone to call the police. I called the police department for the county we live in (not the city) and told them I needed their help. I even recited my address. At this point the man (who was the leader of the criminals) had noticed I was on the phone but he just stood looking at me smugly. This is when the policeman told me that he couldn't really help me unless they had "time to swing by." I reiterated that there were people who had broken into my house telling me they were going to kill me and that my kids were also in the house. He told me that the police didn't have to help unless I was already dead because "in this county threats aren't something police are obligated to be called out for." He then told me that in this county, inside the home is the private citizen's jurisdiction.

So I called my husband next. At this point, the man is still looking pretty smug but also has one of the women trying to get the phone from me. So I'm wrestling her off and she's pulling my hair and hitting me in the head. My husband was laughing at something going on in the background and told me that he couldn't come home because he had decided to go visit his parents and grandparents (who live about an hour and a half away). He told me to call the police. I told him I already had and they wouldn't help. He said, "Well, I don't know what you want me to do about it. I'll be there sometime later," and hung up.

So then I got this massive dread feeling in my stomach knowing that I, and probably my kids were all about to be murdered. My son came up and told me that he wanted some juice, and I choked down my anxiety and smiled at him and told him I would get him some juice in a little while but that he should take his sister and go to his room and close the door and not come out again.

My brain finally woke me up, and I had a massive headache...I wonder how often nightmares are just a manifestation of a headache? Does anyone have experience with this? Could this dream have meaning or do you think it was just a headache?

I know once before I was dreaming of just numbers in my field of vision. I was trying to read them and make sense of them, but then they started going faster and faster, and it was making me sick at my stomach. When I woke up, I had a fever. I don't know if this was like that?

[Michelle11]

In light of what you said about the volcano dream I think the dreams may be related. Dreaming of a volcano erupting doesn't have to mean we actually had an extreme explosion on our part. If we view anger as bad and dangerous any show of it could feel like the end of the world for us and so we use a dramatic symbol, like a major volcano eruption, to show how out of proportion we are viewing something. I suspect you may have been taught anger is bad and any outburst is not acceptable but we all get upset and angry. it is a normal human emotion and necessary for us to know when a boundary has been crossed. The unexpected expenses and possibly your husband not being on the same page with spending as you has caused to bring up for you some bottled up feelings about money. So on top of worry about money you now feel guilty about getting angry and cursing Christmas. "That's no like you" could be saying that you have to hold yourself to some high standard and if you slip up you may subconsciously tear yourself apart with blame (criminals trying to get you) and guilt (calling the cops for help). You husband is of no help because he doesn't see the spending as a problem so you are left to feel alone and betrayed to some degree to deal with not only the extra spending but how badly you feel about how you acted.

I would first ask yourself what kind of messages you were fed growing up about anger and its expression. It isn't a 'bad' emotion and we aren't 'bad' people for expressing it. The more we hold our grievances in the greater the chance we may explode out of proportion to the situation or feel wrong for being upset. Second I would have a heart to heart with your husband about your feelings on their spending. Express how the spending is making you feel, afraid, worried or whatever it is, so he knows where you stand and that maybe he will see that you have concerns that should be considered before spending is done. But mostly I would say try and see if you can forgive yourself for getting upset. You didn't do anything wrong and nothing so criminal you deserve to get torn apart for. Somewhere, subconsciously even, you may be expecting yourself to be the perfect model human, which is really impossible so try to listen to your inner dialogue and shift any critical thoughts if they pop up for ones more compassionate.

[astralwanderer]

I’ve thought a lot about this the past couple of days and I have a lot of work to do on my decision-making process related to what emotions I allow myself to feel and express, which stems mostly from my childhood. I had prided myself in being well-adjusted but it seems I still have room to grow.

Thank you, as always, for the feedback!

[Michelle11]

It's not really about how well adjusted you are but about feeling like you are supposed to be well adjusted. You very well are well adjusted but may have the idea that emotions are to be controlled as opposed to expressed so when you express them, as is human nature, you may view things as a bigger trespass on your part then it actually was. You had a legitimate concern about expenses but possibly saw your argument with your husband as bad behavior on your part which it wasn't in the eyes of our soul. It's about judging ourselves for being human essentially. I suspect you handle most things really well and maturely from a place of love but you aren't bad if you lose it from time to time. I'd focus on your reaction to your cursing xmas as that is where the judgement towards yourself may be. Being well behaved and things never bothering us all the time isn't what well adjusted is. It's slipping up as humans do and working through it as opposed to beating ourselves up about acting out.

We are love at our core and you appear to know this but expecting ourselves to only respond from a place of love may be unrealistic on our part and an expectation grounded in us expecting to be above being human which is impossible in a human body. Maybe on some level the whole point of this journey is to learn to be ok not being loving all the time because this place is our opportunity to learn about the opposite of love. Not that we don't strive to live from love but we are human and will get upset from time to time. So maybe it's less about getting to some ideal well adjusted place but rather just exploring the emotional world more and how we as humans use them to navigate the world.