Defining it for what it is

[Seenthelight]

Hello

I'm not going to go into lots of detail about the connection I have with this man, save to say:
* I met him 10 years ago at work and within 5 months realised I had developed feelings for him
* We were and are both married, me with a family which has since extended
* I had to leave the job because I wanted to focus on my marriage and I couldn't with him around, it was that intense
* Nothing ever actually happened but we did grow closer in the weeks leading up to my departure. We hugged on my leaving day and we met once outside of work after that, but only for 45 mins coffee.
* After that, I fell into some sort of hell/abyss/dark night of the soul that triggered the growth and learning that oh.my.goodness was the making of who I am today.
And since:
* It has been 6 years since I last saw him face to face to speak to.
* never a day goes by when he doesn't cross my mind, even when my last child was born almost 4 years ago.
* I went through a period of about a year when my child was born where he didn't cross my mind so much - hormones probably
* I had episodes of intense emotions about him that would come weeks or months apart and usually were triggered by a dream
* This latest episode has lasted since November 2016 though. Since he changed his profile pic to something I, well, wow.
* This led me to find out more about limerence, which I explored but left me with so many questions (I am still exploring these)

The biggest one being - why does this persist - why this particular person. It doesn't matter what I am doing, where I am. There is this intangible SOMETHING that I can't explain, that connects me to this person. I feel on the verge of us coming back into contact but not sure if that is just me and wishful thinking. I don't want a romantic relationship with him. I understand that is not what this connection is about. But it is just something that, for 10 years, I cannot explain or place. I know to me his energy feels like 'me', if that makes sense. Although I have only a memory to go on and we are obviously very different people nowadays. We are in contact on FB but rarely speak - he responded to a recent post of mine though which has got me all of a pfffttttt.

I don't know what I am after posting here -advice, or validation/confirmation or sharing with others so fire at me what you wish...

[ssdm1]

Hi, I understand. I, too, have a special connection with a man that has lasted 30 years, from the time we were kids until today. We were not in contact with each other for 20 of those years, but 2 years ago he unexpectedly came back in my life. What I feel for him is like nothing else and I was surprised to have that feeling come back when we reconnected.

I was searching for what was going on and discovered twin flames and that explained all of it.

For me I have learned I need to just go with the flow, accept him as a friend who I text with, talk with, and occasionally see in person. He has been in a relationship, so even though we have talked about our feelings, he remains in that relationship.

Use the lessons you're being shown to grow. When you feel the connection go within and look at yourself and what that could be telling you. Is there something you need to change? Is there something you want to do (new job, new hobby)?

[Seenthelight]

Originally Posted by ssdm1

Hi, I understand. I, too, have a special connection with a man that has lasted 30 years, from the time we were kids until today. We were not in contact with each other for 20 of those years, but 2 years ago he unexpectedly came back in my life. What I feel for him is like nothing else and I was surprised to have that feeling come back when we reconnected.

I was searching for what was going on and discovered twin flames and that explained all of it.

For me I have learned I need to just go with the flow, accept him as a friend who I text with, talk with, and occasionally see in person. He has been in a relationship, so even though we have talked about our feelings, he remains in that relationship.

Use the lessons you're being shown to grow. When you feel the connection go within and look at yourself and what that could be telling you. Is there something you need to change? Is there something you want to do (new job, new hobby)?

Thank you for your reply and for answering so quickly too. I guess it has been 10 years of growth and although I wouldn't change anything (save for maybe one or two details) I am now like, what more growth? Right now? Can I have a rest already? lol. And still this connection, for me, is there. He goes about his life seemingly oblivious to this, at least that is how I see it. It could well be very different to that.

I do go within, thank you though for the reminder, as I don't always do this. Funny you should say about new job/hobby as the last time I saw him was the day of my interview for my dream job (which I am still in). And he appears, possibly, to be coming back into my life when I am about to launch something relating to one of my biggest interests so... interesting. Thank you. The interest I am talking about came about as a way to relieve the stress and heartache I felt all those years ago, over him. And he has been a big 'signpost' in this recent development, albeit symbolically. Sorry it doesn't make much sense!

[Tortoise Walks]

Hi Seenthelight,

I can relate to some of your experiences... I am married and met an astonishing soul connection (SC) whose “presence” in my world is now an accepted part of my life experience until it changes (if it does) of its own accord. The growth for me is in balancing this internal connection with SC (external too if we choose) in the context of the present moment and the existing life/dreams/visions i’m leaning into... SC often appeared in my life when I had some kind of emotional/spiritual shift or clearing or progression on my path and the effect was an internal soul recognizing, soul charging, and amplification of inner strength, love, compassion and passion, and patience. I wonder if we’ve previously agreed to witnessing, supporting, and energetically boosting each other to access and do the soul work that I/he intends to do... We seem to part when I/he needs to heal, focus and direct the energies we’ve accessed and exposed within each other independently into the world.

The feel of the connection is vulnerable healing/loving energy and a perpetual divine mystery that keeps on keeping on. Feels like sunlight reverberating inside and out... with joy and bliss. I feel like we are soul companions of some kind whose shared energies highlight and root my/(our?) greatest emerging potential. Encountering/knowing him has opened up my heart and mind and soul to the possibility of more than I ever imagined before. So thankful!!!

And yes I am married too. Crazy part is that i truly believe that my marriage needed the infusion of this soul energy (and download of soul knowing) in me in order to bring forth healing and growth in myself and between my husband and me as well as to assist in ancestral healing and in direct experience with my environment. SC reflected my dormant/repressed inner masculine and felt like an energetic match with my inner feminine in ways that hadn't been before yet needed to be (all at physical distance except for a few brief but cherished face to face meetings). His being helped me tap into and express my own.

What qualities in your SC pop out to you and what qualities in yourself come forward when juxtaposed with this man? Are there any gifts, strengths, opportunities that could infuse and serve to heal you and therefore your marriage too? Are you possibly limiting what this connection/growth is (before understanding it) for yourself? For others (husband, kids, society)? How does that feel within you? Would you like to meet this connection to have a friendly conversation to see what this is all about if you could? Would you share your answer with you husband?

Questions like this is where I would start...

[happyhaunts03]

I can't say much, but I feel like your experience and mine are very similar. Through everything--marriage to someone else, the birth of 3 children, and other major life events, the connection never disappears. It ebbs and flows, but this man is always in the back of my mind, sometimes more in the front. And like you, it's not a desire for something romantic. I have that with my partner. It's something else entirely, a different kind of connection. I've felt like we were going to reunite multiple times, but over 12 years, it has yet to happen. I look inside myself, but each time, it comes down to something uniquely him. And no matter how I change my life path, any effect is very short-lived.

I wish you luck with this connection you have. It's a complicated thing.

[Seenthelight]

Thank you Tortoise. What you have shared pretty much mirrors my own experience. The learning has been incredible – he was a catalyst (understatement) for a period of growth that involved me rebuilding from the inside out. Although during the first months of working with him his energy would overwhelm me (something had to get me to take notice eh?) it was only when he was away on holiday for 2 weeks I started getting so agitated. Our first shift together on his return, we gravitated towards each other and the physical feeling from being in that proximity (maybe 2-3 ft, just chatting) was like this incredible recharge. I felt alive, electric. That feeling will never go away – that was 10 years ago this month. There was no way that was just something mundane and ordinary – like ‘sunlight reverberating inside and out’ is how you described it. And yes, our encounter has opened my heart and mind and soul up to the possibility of more than I ever imagined.
Now, I had an incredible encounter with meeting my husband, who I do believe is my soul mate. He also initiated a period of awakening for me, in fact he ‘woke me up’ to life itself, you could say. We have been together almost 19 years and I love him like no other.

Which is why this connection to the other guy can only be described as you mention - a ‘perpetual divine mystery that keeps in keeping on’ (oh my, I have read those words already somewhere else today). He and my husband share the same birthday (a year apart). Like you, I believe that my marriage needed this soul energy. For one, I was determined that I was not going to let anything happen with this other man (didn’t want it to) and that my marriage was going to survive whatever I was going through. I came so close so many times to sharing this connection with my husband but our society is so entrenched in the idea that men and women not married to each other cannot truly be ‘just great friends’ with married people of the opposite sex unless they are a couple. I didn’t want my husband to be constantly wondering and worrying. I also didn’t want him to give the friendship a ‘green light’ in case it did develop, stupidly, further. The other guy never knew how I felt although I all but told him – I did get a lot of energy from him suggesting he felt something too. But he is also not spiritually minded so if he felt this energy too, which I think he did, it would have confused him considerably. We seem to have a push/pull thing going on where a little bit of communication suddenly comes to a halt, usually from his side. I get the impression that he has to do this but of course I never know for sure.

Thank you for pointing out about the gifts, strengths, opportunities. Yes and yes and yes. I am going to explore your final paragraph further as it resonates so well. Thank you.

Originally Posted by Tortoise Walks

Hi Seenthelight,

I can relate to some of your experiences... I am married and met an astonishing soul connection (SC) whose “presence” in my world is now an accepted part of my life experience until it changes (if it does) of its own accord. The growth for me is in balancing this internal connection with SC (external too if we choose) in the context of the present moment and the existing life/dreams/visions i’m leaning into... SC often appeared in my life when I had some kind of emotional/spiritual shift or clearing or progression on my path and the effect was an internal soul recognizing, soul charging, and amplification of inner strength, love, compassion and passion, and patience. I wonder if we’ve previously agreed to witnessing, supporting, and energetically boosting each other to access and do the soul work that I/he intends to do... We seem to part when I/he needs to heal, focus and direct the energies we’ve accessed and exposed within each other independently into the world.

The feel of the connection is vulnerable healing/loving energy and a perpetual divine mystery that keeps on keeping on. Feels like sunlight reverberating inside and out... with joy and bliss. I feel like we are soul companions of some kind whose shared energies highlight and root my/(our?) greatest emerging potential. Encountering/knowing him has opened up my heart and mind and soul to the possibility of more than I ever imagined before. So thankful!!!

And yes I am married too. Crazy part is that i truly believe that my marriage needed the infusion of this soul energy (and download of soul knowing) in me in order to bring forth healing and growth in myself and between my husband and me as well as to assist in ancestral healing and in direct experience with my environment. SC reflected my dormant/repressed inner masculine and felt like an energetic match with my inner feminine in ways that hadn't been before yet needed to be (all at physical distance except for a few brief but cherished face to face meetings). His being helped me tap into and express my own.

What qualities in your SC pop out to you and what qualities in yourself come forward when juxtaposed with this man? Are there any gifts, strengths, opportunities that could infuse and serve to heal you and therefore your marriage too? Are you possibly limiting what this connection/growth is (before understanding it) for yourself? For others (husband, kids, society)? How does that feel within you? Would you like to meet this connection to have a friendly conversation to see what this is all about if you could? Would you share your answer with you husband?

Questions like this is where I would start...

[Seenthelight]

Happyhaunt03
I think we have had a chat on a previous thread :) . Thank you for replying. Everything you say, I can resonate with.
What is it with the feeling that we will reunite? I have sensed it in the past and it also came to nothing. I guess with what is happening in my life right now – I am trying to get a venture off the ground which, whilst doesn’t directly concern him, may well bring me into contact with him once or twice or at least give me something to talk with him about. This does feel different – yet I guess it always does. I feel as if this time I can ‘not be weird’ and just be friendly, approach it for what it is, if that makes sense. But as you say, so complicated. I want to just have a normal conversation with him but I am so over-conscious of him that I feel as if I would just make the whole thing awkward. Part of me wants so much to tell him everything but even after 10 years I doubt I could explain it to him, seeing as I can’t even explain it properly to myself. And I doubt he would understand.

Originally Posted by happyhaunts03

I can't say much, but I feel like your experience and mine are very similar. Through everything--marriage to someone else, the birth of 3 children, and other major life events, the connection never disappears. It ebbs and flows, but this man is always in the back of my mind, sometimes more in the front. And like you, it's not a desire for something romantic. I have that with my partner. It's something else entirely, a different kind of connection. I've felt like we were going to reunite multiple times, but over 12 years, it has yet to happen. I look inside myself, but each time, it comes down to something uniquely him. And no matter how I change my life path, any effect is very short-lived.

I wish you luck with this connection you have. It's a complicated thing.

[Seenthelight]

We reconnected, on Friday. I went along to this short event knowing there was a possibility he could be there, so you could say I orchestrated it in a way. But he might not have attended.

Only he did. And it was like the last 6 years or so of not seeing him simply melted away. I am convinced - but could well have been the hit of hormones coursing through my veins at the time - looking in his eyes, he was pleased I was there and could feel the connection to. To be fair, others in the room could well have felt it because for me it was that powerful. Like a generator coming back to life.

Needless to say, I have been riding an emotional rollercoaster since then. Who knows if I will see him again and any time soon, but we exchanged a few pleasantries as well as this incredible energy so let's see.

I do have a feeling about contact this week but have told myself it has to be from him. No more initiating.

Originally Posted by happyhaunts03

I can't say much, but I feel like your experience and mine are very similar. Through everything--marriage to someone else, the birth of 3 children, and other major life events, the connection never disappears. It ebbs and flows, but this man is always in the back of my mind, sometimes more in the front. And like you, it's not a desire for something romantic. I have that with my partner. It's something else entirely, a different kind of connection. I've felt like we were going to reunite multiple times, but over 12 years, it has yet to happen. I look inside myself, but each time, it comes down to something uniquely him. And no matter how I change my life path, any effect is very short-lived.

I wish you luck with this connection you have. It's a complicated thing.

[Inika]

what do you believe is the purpose?


Once gone through the 'definition' of it that you have listed in what connections and syncs via feeling etc, you experience linked to him. Then what? What then do you do? Same energy? So what are you to do about or with your energy?

Basically.....whats your point? What now? What about you? How is your inner sanctuary going? What has been born in your conscious bodie(s) since discovering such a connection.

[Seenthelight]

Originally Posted by Inika

what do you believe is the purpose?


Once gone through the 'definition' of it that you have listed in what connections and syncs via feeling etc, you experience linked to him. Then what? What then do you do? Same energy? So what are you to do about or with your energy?

Basically.....whats your point? What now? What about you? How is your inner sanctuary going? What has been born in your conscious bodie(s) since discovering such a connection.

Thank you, you ask such pertinent questions.
Firstly, these are the questions that I battle with daily, and have done for 10 years. Still not finding answers. I am, for the most part, rational minded, so I can't fully subscribe to the TF theories that abound. But I know what I feel and experience - I just don't have an explanation for it because that framework has eluded me so far. I just keep coming back to 'it is what it is'.

We have 2 people who have been with their spouses for around 20 years, and I know he loves his long term girlfriend like I love my husband. I just know that. I want to stay with my husband and he likely wants to stay with his girlfriend. This isn't about a romantic connection though.

We are both energy - one awakened (me) and he is not (though may have had a nudge over the last 10 years). I could sense that energy all those years ago, and it scared me because I was otherwise happy with my life. What this connection initially brought was a heck of a lot of guilt because How was I attracted (in whichever way) to this man, when I had everything I needed at home.

And now, all these years later, I have more than I ever could wish for (partly as a result of the acceleration I experienced through meeting this person). Yet the energy, when I meet him again after 6 years, is the same.

And I still don't understand its purpose.

Your final question: what has been born since meeting him? I don't know where to begin other than to say that I am a completely different person from 10 years ago: confident, happy, living an abundant life. I am more creative, wise. I have learned compassion along the way, I have become highly intuitive and empathic too.

I leave it alone, I let it be, I want him to be happy and with the girl he loves. But when he and I are in the same room, something happens - to me, at the very least. He has this effect on me, no, impact on me. By the look on his face he felt something too, and I could feel it.

I don't know, I just feel like I am banging my head on a brick wall sometimes trying to figure this out :(