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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Past Lives & Reincarnation

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  #11  
Old 16-01-2020, 09:38 AM
Lucid Lucid is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by :)14:)
Hi,

A Joyful New Year to Everyone!!

Could you share your wisdom with me, please?

I've had the paralyzing feeling of being "not good enough", prob. for 1000s of years, plus got the program from family. Now, I was born with a huge desire to accomplish something big, but due to an illness I'm nowhere even where I normally should be.

"Not good enough" is burnt in my aura. How do you heal this program in you when even your environment, and healers reflect this back to you and don't believe in you but rather in people who have great (bardo) life-plans to realize in this life-time, and even communicate this now and then to you? Treat you as less worthy?

I don't remember any of my past lives but I had this experience of not good enough to a very strong degree as well. First it started as a child being physically attacked by other children for seemingly no reason, then problems in the home for instance one of my parents would respond to me voicing my dreams as "Well you need to have talent to do something like that." and things only got progressively worse.

it got to the point for me where I believed that even God hated me, even the very source of unconditional love had nothing but disdain for me based on the evidence I saw before me. That is the conclusion that I came to, the world hated me and everyone was trying to kill me.

The world didn't succeed but at a certain point I attempted to pick up where the world left off and I decided that I should try to destroy myself since the world seemed to be only able to torture me and that is what I tried to do but not physically. I tried to destroy the source of feeling within myself, I tried to destroy that which witnesses and observes from within...I failed.

One day when I was in my early thirties after many years of attempting to kill the witness within I ended up in a church for worship service and by this point I had come to the conclusion that my perception of things were incorrect, that God in fact didn't hate me and so I was thankful to be able to be in the church and hear the people singing out to God and thanking him for his love.

However even though I had come to the conclusion that God didn't hate me, I didn't see myself as being worthy but rather tolerated. Sort of like "Well, God doesn't hate me and I should be thankful that he hasn't killed me yet and he's allowing me to be in here with these good people." I had for years asked God to speak to me and tell me he loves me but it never happened.

After the service was over I was standing in the prayer line and when I got to the front the man who was praying for people asked me what he should pray for and I said "Just pray for whatever you think, I don't have any requests" and he started to pray and out of habit thinking it was the right thing to do I just repeated his words and he said "...stop" and so repeated "...stop" and he said "No, you stop. God is telling me to tell you that you are worthy." and I immediately broke down in tears having spent my entire life feeling unworthy of even love from God.

Since then I haven't questioned my worth, that was the end of it and I've grown leaps and bounds in this area. I realized later that if God had spoken to me and said "I love you" I still could have doubted it and said "Nah God doesn't love me, I was imagining that" and so I had to be told through somebody else.

What I can tell you with absolute certainty, without even the slightest infanticimal doubt is that you are without question good enough and without question worthy and it has nothing to do with how you are or whatever quality you assign to yourself because you are an expression of the very source of unconditional love itself and that love is at the very core, the very fundamental level of your existence.

You already know of this love but you have believed the lie that it is disconnected or somehow not valid and that is because you are allowing others to determine it's worth and validity.

Imagine that you have done some crime and you have been brought before your peers to be judged and sentenced. There is no question about your guilt, you know you did the crime and so does everyone else, the only question is what should be your punishment. Even though you are remorseful you know that what you did, you should not have done and so you agree there should be a consequence. However there is disagreement among your peers as to the severity of your punishment.

Some say you are remorseful and that is enough. They believe you have seen the error in your ways and that because of what you have learned from this, you will actually be a benefit to others going forward.

Others say while it is good you are remorseful, it isn't enough and you need to be put away to serve at least some minimum sentence and then perhaps afterwards we will see whether you will be a benefit or not.

While still others say you have messed up too greatly and you need to be put to death even if you are remorseful.

If you put yourself in this situation mentally you will see the one constant is that you, in the center of your being if you are willing to listen still love yourself even though you are guilty of the crime, even though you've been found out to be imperfect and capable of such a crime you still love yourself and are not willing to give up and write yourself off as wasted.

That unconditional love that you were born out of is all you need to know that you are good enough and that you are worthy. Not because of anything you did or didn't do but because of what you are and nothing can change that, not even a trillion lifetimes of delusion and forgetfulness.

Sincerely, please embrace yourself as you deserve and allow yourself to feel the love that you have for yourself and I believe this will allow you to feel the love that is rightfully yours being expressed continuously around you!

What you are searching for is where you are searching from.

God bless!
__________________
Everything I say is the absolute truth unless it is not the absolute truth. In the cases in which what I say is not the absolute truth, please do not consider with any seriousness what I have said.
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  #12  
Old 19-01-2020, 02:53 PM
:)14:) :)14:) is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 36
 
Dear Lucid,

What you have gone through is so inspiring, what depths and what a rise.

And it is beautiful how you have finally arrived at that blissful state!

Thank you very much for sharing it with me, and thanks for your encouraging words!
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  #13  
Old 19-01-2020, 03:20 PM
SlayerOfLight SlayerOfLight is online now
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,742
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What I'm about to say is probably taboo here, but oh well. You asked for wisdom, here's mine.

When I was a kid, I used to be careless about the future and foolishly believed everything would eventually be alright. I had a great purpose, as all the grown-ups told me. I've been brainwashed my whole childhood (as most other children) into believing we are special and destined for greatness. Only when I reached adulthood did reality slash me with it's sharp, soul-piercing truth. And the truth is, we have no purpose at all. Literally no one is destined for greatness, and the world doesn't care about you. Some people who are wallowing in greatness and success just got lucky, nothing more. If you expect some bearded old geezer up there in the clouds to be writing our destiny and life pupose, you're totally wrong.

Just do what you want to do. Live for yourself only and don't care what others say. You are never 'good' enough anyway, neither am I. So why bother trying?
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People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it. - dr. Gregory House
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  #14  
Old 21-01-2020, 03:52 PM
zastrakoza zastrakoza is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: San Diego
Posts: 88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by :)14:)
Hi,

A Joyful New Year to Everyone!!

Could you share your wisdom with me, please?

I've had the paralyzing feeling of being "not good enough", prob. for 1000s of years, plus got the program from family. Now, I was born with a huge desire to accomplish something big, but due to an illness I'm nowhere even where I normally should be.

"Not good enough" is burnt in my aura. How do you heal this program in you when even your environment, and healers reflect this back to you and don't believe in you but rather in people who have great (bardo) life-plans to realize in this life-time, and even communicate this now and then to you? Treat you as less worthy?

And what was my soul's purpose with such a personality vs. such circumstances?

Hi 14,

I think we can pick the same challenge with different intentions. Iíve been working on this one over on the Superior Mind thread. Superiority is the twin sister of unworthiness (two sides of the same coin), both born of the egoic mind, superiority being the cover response to the underlying feelings of unworthiness.

Couple of thoughts to share.

Regarding the illness, I just read an interesting book by Julia Cannon, entitled Soul Speak that explores what the body is reflecting to us through illness. The body is manifesting beliefs we need to change in order to move forward. The book details specific physical systems and organs, related diseases and disfunctions and what the potential spiritual meanings may be. Very interesting and eye-opening considerations for illness and healing.

Your question on unworthiness I believe is basic to all humans on this plane. Because all of us have to remember who we are and why we came here. I urge us to go deeper into the background on the feelings of unworthiness, because that label is very broad. There are more refined nuances to be understood by breaking it down further. For example, unworthiness, by itself is the feeling of not being deserving. But what does that mean? Is unworthiness the result of guilt? Insignificance? Shame? Something else? What is the cause of unworthiness?

I performed exercises to identify the history of the feeling, starting with what my family believed and taught. If you remember your familyís common sayings and responses to challenges (defeatist, fatalist), then you could probably list the beliefs you were taught. We usually adopt our familiesí beliefs unconsciously, and then build on them from our own experiences, especially those experiences we shared with our families. You will discover the impetus of this feeling, and that will give you a good place to start recovery exercises.
As an example, I was an illegitimate child, born in a time when that term made sense to people, born to a high schooler totally unequipped to deal with societal judgment. I bore the family shame, and became a scapegoat of sorts. Because my mother blamed me for ruining her life, the rest of the family adopted this underlying belief, including myself. My identity was I was a ruiner of happiness, a shameful thing, and unrecoverably unworthy to exist. Of course, I did not consciously agree with these feelings. I denied them, but it didnít change the impact it had in shaping my identity. And I too, saw judgment everywhere I looked and noticed how everyone confirmed my unworthiness.

In order to heal, I began an exercise of intentional release of false beliefs. I keep a journal for this and when I discover a false belief, I write it out, why I believed it, and where it came from. It may have come from my family, or it may have come from an experience I misunderstood. I then write why I know it is not true and perform a releasing meditation to let that belief go. The flip side of this, is identifying what the truth is and write a new statement of belief to replace the released one. It takes time and practice to change false beliefs.

I have come to sincerely appreciate my entry into this world and my childhood experiences. My emotionally harsh environment and sense of separation catapulted me into deep compassion for the abandoned. It drives me to embrace the fringes of society, and hold space for the redemption of the rebellious. My empathy and mercy are evident in my patient insistence on second, third, and fourth chances (much to the chagrin of my colleagues).
You can do this, and remember who you really are. Overcoming your challenges brings you to the opposite benefit that allows you to share your gifts. This unworthiness and the underlying impetus can become the biggest blessing in your life. It is something I wish for you.

Z
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  #15  
Old 25-01-2020, 12:38 AM
zastrakoza zastrakoza is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: San Diego
Posts: 88
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Also listen to Lauren Daigle sing...:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI
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  #16  
Old 26-01-2020, 01:26 PM
:)14:) :)14:) is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 36
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight
What I'm about to say is probably taboo here, but oh well. You asked for wisdom, here's mine.

When I was a kid, I used to be careless about the future and foolishly believed everything would eventually be alright. I had a great purpose, as all the grown-ups told me. I've been brainwashed my whole childhood (as most other children) into believing we are special and destined for greatness. Only when I reached adulthood did reality slash me with it's sharp, soul-piercing truth. And the truth is, we have no purpose at all. Literally no one is destined for greatness, and the world doesn't care about you. Some people who are wallowing in greatness and success just got lucky, nothing more. If you expect some bearded old geezer up there in the clouds to be writing our destiny and life pupose, you're totally wrong.

Just do what you want to do. Live for yourself only and don't care what others say. You are never 'good' enough anyway, neither am I. So why bother trying?

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your point of view.
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  #17  
Old 26-01-2020, 01:36 PM
:)14:) :)14:) is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 36
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by zastrakoza
Hi 14,

I think we can pick the same challenge with different intentions. Iíve been working on this one over on the Superior Mind thread. Superiority is the twin sister of unworthiness (two sides of the same coin), both born of the egoic mind, superiority being the cover response to the underlying feelings of unworthiness.

Couple of thoughts to share.

Regarding the illness, I just read an interesting book by Julia Cannon, entitled Soul Speak that explores what the body is reflecting to us through illness. The body is manifesting beliefs we need to change in order to move forward. The book details specific physical systems and organs, related diseases and disfunctions and what the potential spiritual meanings may be. Very interesting and eye-opening considerations for illness and healing.

Your question on unworthiness I believe is basic to all humans on this plane. Because all of us have to remember who we are and why we came here. I urge us to go deeper into the background on the feelings of unworthiness, because that label is very broad. There are more refined nuances to be understood by breaking it down further. For example, unworthiness, by itself is the feeling of not being deserving. But what does that mean? Is unworthiness the result of guilt? Insignificance? Shame? Something else? What is the cause of unworthiness?

I performed exercises to identify the history of the feeling, starting with what my family believed and taught. If you remember your familyís common sayings and responses to challenges (defeatist, fatalist), then you could probably list the beliefs you were taught. We usually adopt our familiesí beliefs unconsciously, and then build on them from our own experiences, especially those experiences we shared with our families. You will discover the impetus of this feeling, and that will give you a good place to start recovery exercises.
As an example, I was an illegitimate child, born in a time when that term made sense to people, born to a high schooler totally unequipped to deal with societal judgment. I bore the family shame, and became a scapegoat of sorts. Because my mother blamed me for ruining her life, the rest of the family adopted this underlying belief, including myself. My identity was I was a ruiner of happiness, a shameful thing, and unrecoverably unworthy to exist. Of course, I did not consciously agree with these feelings. I denied them, but it didnít change the impact it had in shaping my identity. And I too, saw judgment everywhere I looked and noticed how everyone confirmed my unworthiness.

In order to heal, I began an exercise of intentional release of false beliefs. I keep a journal for this and when I discover a false belief, I write it out, why I believed it, and where it came from. It may have come from my family, or it may have come from an experience I misunderstood. I then write why I know it is not true and perform a releasing meditation to let that belief go. The flip side of this, is identifying what the truth is and write a new statement of belief to replace the released one. It takes time and practice to change false beliefs.

I have come to sincerely appreciate my entry into this world and my childhood experiences. My emotionally harsh environment and sense of separation catapulted me into deep compassion for the abandoned. It drives me to embrace the fringes of society, and hold space for the redemption of the rebellious. My empathy and mercy are evident in my patient insistence on second, third, and fourth chances (much to the chagrin of my colleagues).
You can do this, and remember who you really are. Overcoming your challenges brings you to the opposite benefit that allows you to share your gifts. This unworthiness and the underlying impetus can become the biggest blessing in your life. It is something I wish for you.

Z


Hi Zastrakoza,

Thank you for your precious post. It's wonderful how you have turned around the negativity of your upbringing in yourself. <3

Great idea to analyze the unworthiness more.

Your release practice sounds hard work but promising.

Thanks for your uplifting wish and advice!
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  #18  
Old 26-01-2020, 01:40 PM
:)14:) :)14:) is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 36
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by zastrakoza
Also listen to Lauren Daigle sing...:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI

Wow, great! <3<3<3

Thanks! : )
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