Releasing my resistance to external resistance.

[Ewwerrin]

I was blocked from allowing to do something I was really excited and eager to do today.
It is unfair that they limit my internet for political reasons that have nothing to do with me. (angry)
I cannot change what other people choose to do. (discouraged)
This is unjust and they are unjust. (blame)
They don't have any power to know what is just regarding my situation. (worry)
I am all on my self here. (worry/doubt)
No one cares about me. (worry)
There is a little bit of justice that reaches me. (doubt)
I am not satisfied with the way my life is going at all at this point. (dissapointed)
This is far from the kind of life I was expecting. (dissapointed)
Why do they force me to do this? It's like people are throwing their powerlessness on me. (Overwhelment)
This has nothing to do with me! (Frustration/irritation/impatience)
This whole world has nothing to do with me! (f/i/i)
Why am I even here! (f/i/i)
I am not even allowed to live and I am not allowed to kill myself either. (f/i/i)
Why dont they kill me if they dont want me to exist. And shame me for even being myself. (f/i/i)
They probably wanna kill me, if the law allowed them to. (pessimism)
We live in such a fake world. (pessimism)
I am used to this! I haven't lived my life for years. I don't care. F* life. (pessimism)
I'm just gonna do nothing, like always. Because according to God I don't deserve to exist! (f/i/i)
God's probably incapable of changing this. By the time God changes this, I don't care anymore anyway! Like always! It's too late! Like always! Its already over. You didn't really do anything when you had the chance. (f/i/i, pessimism)
God probably doesn't even exist, I'm talking to myself here. (pessimism)
I am indeed just talking to myself. (pessimism)
I don't even wanna talk to myself anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. (boredom)
I don't even wanna breath. My body is forcing me to breath. (boredom)
I am held hostage by my own body. (pessimism)
Life is so fake. (boredom)
Life is fake! (boredom)
I might aswell imagine I am watching a movie! (boredom)
I cannot even do that! I am not even allowed to do that! I am not allowed to do anything... (f/i/i)
The only thing I am allowed to do is listen to other people take a dump. (pessimism)
The sound of s**t penetrates my entire body, even if I close my ears (f/i/i)
S**t does not even make a sound. (boredom/contentment)
Really this process is the only good thing in my life. (pessimism)
I'm just gonna listen to music untill I forget everything again. (pessimism)
Atleast this music doesn't s**t in my eardrums. (boredom)
I am glad there is something that I actually created that serves me. (contentment)
I did not even create this. This is also physical reality! (pessimism)
Appearantly I do not own anything here. Why am I even here? Why do I even exist... (boredom)
I remember when I used to believe in something good. (sad)
Atleast I believed in it. I hope I will get to see the pain of others one day. When they realise what they have actually done... They cannot even do anything, this is completely meaningless. (dissapointed)
I don't even care about others anymore. I don't even care about anything anymore. Everything is just fake. (sad)
I do care about others. I believed in them and they did not even believe in me a little bit. I actually enjoy the state of the world now. It's all their own fault. I hope they choke on it. (contentment).
I infact hope they do not choke. I hope they survive. Infact, I already know they will survive. (hopeful)
My soul knows everything. And I already know the immense pain they will go through. And how much joy it will bring to me to know that I will not suffer as much as they will. (optimism)
These people are made to suffer... (pessimism)
I don't even think they care! What is wrong with them! (f/i/i)
I cannot even enjoy their suffering, if they are so addicted to it they make it more for themselves! *** is wrong with people! (pessimism)
It is the same old story of god. When is someone going to actually change all of this cry baby s**t mentality on this planet. (boredom)
Atleast I don't care anymore. (contentment)
I'm just gonna listen to my music and hope I will be dead soon. (contentment)
I think I can die. I deserve to die. (hopefulness)
I will just pray for death and fall asleep listening to this music. (optimism)
Yesterday I was almost bitten by a spider in sleep. Anything can happen. (optimism)
It can only get better at this point. (optimism)
I am glad I no longer have to worry about anything ever again. (enthusiasm/eagerness/happiness)
Time to die. (passion)
I am ready to let go of everything. (joy/love/freedom/knowledge/empowerment)

[Ewwerrin]

Well, appearantly, dying means falling asleep or releasing resistance.
Like, there literally is no death. Only life that I am allowing and life that I am not allowing.