Odd personal writing.

[Rawnrr]

Writing, especially on matters of spirituality, can be a meditative experience, and as such draws from different areas of consciousness than regular day to day mental states.
That can make what is written look very different than the way we normally speak/think.

I wonder why I tried so hard, especially given the results.

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by hallow

Has anyone looked back at threads that you wrote and really think "did I really write that?", Where the heck did that come from? And it really doesn't seem like you wrote it.

Yes. I could look back and cringe, as some parts of me are cringe worthy..haha or look back and be grateful, I learned so much more of myself beyond that point of my process. One time in my awakening, I dropped some outward flow of inner dysfunction on a site which was a ‘safe haven’. I look back and see myself struggling, but very open to grow and want more. The creative process so important to my own becoming.

[linen53]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I was pretty much a really bad stoner when I first arrived on here. I gave up drugs two years ago. I look back at all my previous posts and go "whoah, how chill and lax I was back then...how totally in touch and wise I was...not anymore...Now I am just a whining ball of miserable existence since giving up the weed".

You have to hit bottom before you can rise back up. It's how it works.

You can change the wording to your situation but here's what I just wrote in one thread, copied to another thread and now copying to you:

We can't just say I want to let this emotional scar go and it goes. It doesn't work like that.

There are steps we have to take.

Traditional therapy says forgive those who have harmed you. And I firmly refused to do that. That would be validating them and not me! That would take the focus off of my pain and letting them off scott free! No way, Jose'!

Number one, practice self love. What role did you play in this incident? Do you blame yourself? Maybe you weren't strong enough to fight them off, or maybe you said something that cause this incident to occur. Or maybe you just weren't experienced enough. Or wrong place right time. Whatever it is, forgive yourself from a deep emotional level. You aren't born wise. You grow and learn as you go. (Similar to parenting). Knowledge is hindsight. I did the best I could back then. Now I would make different choices. I used to literally wrap my arms around myself and practice mothering that inner child that was so hurt.

Number two is write about the incident that caused the emotional scar. Talk to those you can confide in that will listen. Talk until you are sick and tired of talking about it. Until you feel you have purged yourself of this incident. If no one will listen then write, write, write.

Allow yourself to cry. That deep gut wrenching painful cry. As many times as you need to.

I don't know your religious or spiritual beliefs but I believe I set myself in that situation where I was harmed way before I was born when I was setting up my blueprint for life, as some call it. I chose to go through that incident because in the long run it would teach me something I needed to learn. So essentially I had to admit to myself that I put myself in harm's way. How could I feel sorry for myself if that is the case? If you don't believe like I do, just skip over this suggestion. You can still heal.

This takes time. Not weeks or months. It may take years. We are all different.

But eventually after, I don't know, maybe 10 years I was able to let it all go and heal on an emotional and spiritual level.

I didn't hurt anymore. And even further down the road I no longer had the rage I had towards those who harmed me. They were merely the vehicle I used to learn lessons. I was finally able to let them go. And there was forgiveness towards them. But only after I forgave myself.

Lastly I am comforted that I will never have to go through such trauma again, ever. It's over. Kaput, done, period.

And now? I'm glad I went through what I went through because I became the person I wanted to be. My spiritual self is so much stronger than it would have been had I not gone through what I went through.

[linen53]

Originally Posted by hallow

Has anyone looked back at threads that you wrote and really think "did I really write that?", Where the heck did that come from? And it really doesn't seem like you wrote it.

Yes, it comes from that higher self I belief. Sometimes I say, Whoa! I said that?

[Akira]

Originally Posted by hallow

Has anyone looked back at threads that you wrote and really think "did I really write that?", Where the heck did that come from? And it really doesn't seem like you wrote it.

It's because as the years go by spiritually we move forward, we change and this means our voice the way we say things, our outer words start to reflect this development. Got to say your post has really made me itchy to check in with my old posts to see how far I have come over the years... There will be laughter, cringe moments and probs a little bit of... Really I wrote that!!! Lol ...

Thank you for posing this question it has made me intrigued

[pseudonymus]

Yes, in two different ways.

I dropped out of high school, and so never learned how to write anything. I taught myself how to write 10 years ago on a wordpress blog. A decade ago, it was very hard for me to write a one page essay. But I wrote them... and unfortunately, the Way Back Machine over at archive.org saved all of my old blogs from way back. They make me cringe at how primitive and stupid my essays were.

Ten years later... the longest essay I've written thus far was 200 pages. I wrote the 200 page essay in about a week. Over the years, I've learned to quiet my mind, and enter a light trance state, and when I think of a subject matter, I feel some kind of inspiration, and I sit in front of my computer and peck at my keyboard, and the essay basically types itself out.

Like automaic writing, in a way I guess. I don't know how to touch type, so, my eyes are constantly fixed on the keyboard and not the screen, so I often don't know what I've typed on the screen, when I'm in "The Flow." So, after such long essays are done, I'll read them, to try to edit them, and most often, I'll encounter ideas and stuff that I myself didn't know about, and I'll be like: "Wow, where did that come from?" Today, I write essays for my own zine, which has a circulation of around 500-900 readers. Over the course of the 10 years, I've written a little over 2000 pages, all of which I've uploaded to the archive.

[NoOne]

Originally Posted by pseudonymus

Yes, in two different ways.

I dropped out of high school, and so never learned how to write anything. I taught myself how to write 10 years ago on a wordpress blog. A decade ago, it was very hard for me to write a one page essay. But I wrote them... and unfortunately, the Way Back Machine over at archive.org saved all of my old blogs from way back. They make me cringe at how primitive and stupid my essays were.

Ten years later... the longest essay I've written thus far was 200 pages. I wrote the 200 page essay in about a week. Over the years, I've learned to quiet my mind, and enter a light trance state, and when I think of a subject matter, I feel some kind of inspiration, and I sit in front of my computer and peck at my keyboard, and the essay basically types itself out.

Like automaic writing, in a way I guess. I don't know how to touch type, so, my eyes are constantly fixed on the keyboard and not the screen, so I often don't know what I've typed on the screen, when I'm in "The Flow." So, after such long essays are done, I'll read them, to try to edit them, and most often, I'll encounter ideas and stuff that I myself didn't know about, and I'll be like: "Wow, where did that come from?" Today, I write essays for my own zine, which has a circulation of around 500-900 readers. Over the course of the 10 years, I've written a little over 2000 pages, all of which I've uploaded to the archive.

It is rather a pity that writing used to be a career and a profession, whereas nowadays it is little more than a hobby. People used to get paid for this, nowadays only a select few do. It is still worth doing, but for most people it will always be a hobby.

I am also familiar with the creative process you write about. Inspiration is probably the best word we have to describe it. Information flows from a higher realm in the form of liquid light. Many inspired writers will experience a sensation of heat and light at the top of their heads as a result.

[pseudonymus]

Originally Posted by NoOne

I am also familiar with the creative process you write about. Inspiration is probably the best word we have to describe it. Information flows from a higher realm in the form of liquid light. Many inspired writers will experience a sensation of heat and light at the top of their heads as a result.

Yes!! That's the feeling I have often: a heat around my head. "Inspired Writing," that's pretty much what they are. I've never wondered where the information comes/came from. I just assumed it comes from outside of myself. Like your/we're only a conduit for the transference of that information.

I'm glad somebody can relate!

[LadyMay]

All the time lol!