Might be of interest to you...

[It Is]

I just don't have time for fake people.

It's well known that one of the best ways to hurt someone is to first pretend you're a friend.

That's why I've completely cut ties with my younger brother. He just can't be trusted. I've been nice to him, but he always maintained negative intentions and a certain underlying nastiness. I see right through him.

So I decided a while ago to simply stop trying to be on friendly terms with him. And not surprisingly, once I stopped making an effort, all communication between us simply stopped - because he never really liked me in the first place.

So now, at least things are clear and there is less danger of being tricked/deceived with my guard down. (And exactly that has happened in the past.)

But the guy has pretty much despised me through and through almost since the day he was born - so what's the point?

Nowadays, his loathing of me is probably stronger than it was in the past when I tried to be friends - but what can ya do?

... And it's like a passive hate. It's like he only wishes me pain, suffering and failure but he's unwilling to get his hands dirty. Probably because he's afraid of bad karma or something. So, it's sort of like he wants only the very worst for me but he isn't really willing to actually do anything about it. But what he fails to realise, is that all the hating and negative intentions probably is giving him bad karma.

[Shaunc]

Passive hate is still probably better than acting on it. Negative thoughts probably do attract negative karma but probably not as much as negative actions. You do have to be careful though as every action, either good or bad is first preceded by a thought.

[LadyMay]

I had that happen to me once. Made a friend with a girl at college I really liked, she told me a few months later that she'd always hated me, yet up until that point she pretended like she liked me just as much. I was really hurt and I never really understand why she did it.

[It Is]

Originally Posted by Shaunc

Passive hate is still probably better than acting on it. Negative thoughts probably do attract negative karma but probably not as much as negative actions. You do have to be careful though as every action, either good or bad is first preceded by a thought.

Yes, wise words.

And about my brother, whenever he thinks that I've done something slightly wrong to him, his revenge is always swift and merciless. Probably because he spends so much of his time hating me, such mean and poorly thought through actions seem to come real easy to him.

[Emmalevine]

Sounds like he has a lot of issues and is projecting them all onto you. I have someone in my life who is like that. As hard as it can be, try to rise above it. Pretending to be nice and then withdrawing friendliness speaks of a very insecure person who wants power and control over you. It gives some people a 'buzz' to befriend someone and then reject that person. Try to feel some compassion for your brother - he is clearly an incredibly unhappy person to feel such a need to alienate and throw his negativity onto you. Feeling compassion isn't easy though! By being nice throughout you have been the bigger person, open and honest. Hold onto that. I have always maintained comfort in the fact I'm an open book and would never let myself be pulled into negativity the way the person in my life wants, no matter what he thinks of me and how he tries to get a rise out of me.

[It Is]

Originally Posted by ScarlettHayden

I had that happen to me once. Made a friend with a girl at college I really liked, she told me a few months later that she'd always hated me, yet up until that point she pretended like she liked me just as much. I was really hurt and I never really understand why she did it.

Sometimes people just want to cut ties (for whatever reason) and I suspect they might find it too awkward to go about it in a nice way. Either that or they're just plain nasty people. Or another reason is that maybe they want to be seen as cool or something.

I've heard of this type of thing happening to others too. But they probably were never true friends and were just using all along.

[It Is]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

Sounds like he has a lot of issues and is projecting them all onto you. I have someone in my life who is like that. As hard as it can be, try to rise above it. Pretending to be nice and then withdrawing friendliness speaks of a very insecure person who wants power and control over you. It gives some people a 'buzz' to befriend someone and then reject that person. Try to feel some compassion for your brother - he is clearly an incredibly unhappy person to feel such a need to alienate and throw his negativity onto you. Feeling compassion isn't easy though! By being nice throughout you have been the bigger person, open and honest. Hold onto that. I have always maintained comfort in the fact I'm an open book and would never let myself be pulled into negativity the way the person in my life wants, no matter what he thinks of me and how he tries to get a rise out of me.

Thanks for the kind words. But to be clear though, my brother has never really been all that nice to me. I would try again and again to have a friendly relationship with him and would tactlessly get rejected over and over.

I probably should've caught on years ago, but wisdom takes time I guess!

[kkfern]

for some people if they cannot use you, they will abuse you.

that what changed. you were just another person to use. when you stopped that, he started to abuse you.

kk

[Emmalevine]

Originally Posted by It Is

Thanks for the kind words. But to be clear though, my brother has never really been all that nice to me. I would try again and again to have a friendly relationship with him and would tactlessly get rejected over and over.

I probably should've caught on years ago, but wisdom takes time I guess!

Well then it shows that you have reached a point of letting go which is really good. It's natural to want to make an effort, particularly with family - and it can be a horrible wrench to accept you just won't get on. By stopping the effort you have reclaimed the power that he probably revelled in having over you. Good on you.

[Mr Interesting]

Has it crossed your mind that he actually admires you a great deal and isn't able to allow that and so it has turned to resentment?

This is very common family dynamic where one does and achieves easily whilst the other has to work hard at things.

I knew someone a while back who came from money and sold lots of paintings for good money, compared to me who doesn't come from money and doesn't sell work often or for very much, and he was always kind of drawn to me but aloof at the same time. Over time we ended up with the same gallery and he'd get a few beers in him then he was all gushing of his admiration of me as an artist's artist... but then he'd get more beers in him and I'd need to leave as he'd turn nasty and I'd suddenly be worthy of all his bile.

Ego that has to work hard can't stand non-ego that hardly has to try even whilst Ego has the success and admiration of those that don't know the nuts and bolts...