heal relationship with in laws before it's too late

Hi, my mother in law has a terminal diagnosis, we don't know howlong she has left. We live some distance away & my husband is vsiting her every weekend he can.
I haven't visited for a number of years because I got tired of making the efforto be criticised or ignored.last time I was determined to stand up for myself & not stay quiet it ended up getting nasty. For this reason I've stayed away.
I really feel for her & tell my hubby that I send my love but only afew weeks ago his sister was pretty awful with me on the phone when I asked how she was.
I try toavoid answering now, not wanting to make it all worse.
I'm asking the angels to heal the relationship. I feel they are telling me to do nothing for now. I've sent chocolates to his sister but was told she's not eatgting them because she's on a diet. I have thought of framing family photos bit don't know whether its a good idea.
In fairness I know there's no smoke without fire. I'vealways found his family too close knit & though outwardly are hugging & welcoming, any difference will always be my fault & anything we do they don't agree with is of my doing.
I know we've. Shared a life before & some of this will be that life related.
I think his mum likes me deep down bit is unhappy in her own life which makes her so critical. His siter though always tells me how much I'm welcome but can come out with some very hurtfull comments.
Also finding it hard agood friend olost her mumtoday but they will notempatthise with that, likewise when my own grandparents passed, they wiped over the matter like it was unimportant, which makes it so hard for me to show care back.
Sorry if have gone on a bit. Any advice how to heal the situation more than appreciated.

Sorry for spelling-on my phone

[Silver]

Hi summereve.

So sorry to hear about the difficulties and unpleasantness you're experiencing. I had serious difficulties with my sister-in-law -long time ago. I'm the type that 99% of the time gets along with pretty much everyone, so you know, one has to decide that even if you have to keep it to yourself most of the time, that you 'seriously dislike' some of your relatives. That keeps you real!

I'm glad that they moved away so I can't really visit them, it's a blessing, even though I never got to see my niece and nephew grow up. Acceptance that this is happening to you is of prime importance, and seems to help keep you from being emotionally 'knocked over' when these confrontations or unpleasant meetings happen.

You'll look a lot better (come out smelling more like a rose) if you go in not expecting 'bad' to happen when you meet with these people. Let them be their pretentious, nasty selves because they're the ones who have to live with themselves, and you have to live with yourself, so your relative innocence will pay you handsomely, even if the whole scenarios are yucky.
I wish you well in future dealings with them.

Thanks silvergirl,
I have actually spoken to her a couple of times this week. At first very stained, latterly we could chat. Although she has a bad diagnosis, I hope it makes her see the nice things in the world. I think her negativity comes from not feeling good enough. The frustration formehas always been how we are judged by money. It makes yourealise it makes no difference at the end of the day. It might have brought her some security, but not happiness.
The sister is a differnt matter. Personally I think she's too close & doing too much butit is for her to decidethat.
I have some interesting dreams relating to out past lives relationships which also give some reflection her. I hoping to ask for more to work on this.
I really appreciate the. Empathy.