Thwarting Unwanted Advances with Love and Kindness

Originally Posted by Imzadi

Nature Grows,

In all honesty, I believe everyone who has participated in this thread spoke and behaved honorably and magnanimously to the best of their ability, yourself included. I for one certainly made every effort to do so. At times, there were definitely some difference in opinions, confusion, and strong language/hostility, but I appreciate any and all grace, intelligence, and eloquence that has been exhibited. In addition, I think the various conversations in this thread helps expose and enlighten us to our own nature and areas where we can learn and improve. I don't know about you, but I'm grateful for this educational experience. I've also learned a lot from your contributions as well. Actually, I think I have learned the most from you because your attitude and perspectives are vastly different from my own and I am always eager and willing to educate myself on cultures and ideas that I am unfamiliar with. Many thanks for that and PEACE to you. :)

I completely agree that nature contributed the most. Showed me a part of myself I wasn’t aware of that needed surrender. And also gave a wealth of knowledge and perspective to all that may stumble across this thread.

And the better I understand myself the better I can be for those around me.

This thread also reminded me from the OP to now of a quote from Buddha.

“By oneself is evil done;
by oneself is one defiled.
By oneself is evil left undone;
by oneself is one made pure.
Purity and impurity depend on oneself;
no one can purify another”

[Imzadi]

I'm getting some major good vibes. We might have just leveled up in Consciousness. Go team! Great job everyone and thank you for being you.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

Interesting perception, Jack. I had not thought about it that way, but it seems to make sense. I feel really grossed out when people project expectations on me in some amorous way and it actually makes my skin crawl and I feel energetically sick. It is even worst if there are lusty energy involved. I think because I am sensitive and empathic, I just pick up those vibes a lot stronger and it definitely repels me so I see what you are saying. It feels like I'm being suffocated by them even if they are half way across the room or even when I am woken up by their 3 am morning text. It's so challenging. Like I can almost psychically see strands of invisible chords like Spiderman shooting webs all over my my energy field and I need to like disentangle and take a shower to clear the icky vibes. It's so strange, I'm sort of nauseous just describing it right now. Blerghhhh. I think perhaps because I am psychically sensitive, I'm not only dealing with this issue socially and psychologically, but also in a bizarre metaphysical way.

Imzadi...I am catching up on the thread. I see a nice discussion was had by all and per usual I am generally well agreed with your perspective and your fairness and generous acceptance and interaction with others where you differ. But I also find I have some agreement with all who shared here...a very nice discussion.

BTW the bolded above is literally something that could have (and kinda has) come straight out of my mouth. Maybe not all the Spiderman stuff, LOL, as I am used to handling this reaction in myself but definitely I get the bolded bits and I think many of us do. IMO, what you are saying is that you are repelled when you feel your full humanity is not "seen" and honoured, or when others approach you from a place that does not seek to engage you as a person, as a soul. And that is a 100% natural response, in my book.

I think as you say you have come to a different place on your journey, and you are not interested in unwanted projections of lust, nor does it in any way feed the ego or any of that. There is a real beauty in the ownership and discipline of our energy and our being, where we can each and all come to a common space without trying to feed off or overtake each other's energy, but rather where we appreciate the luminous gems we each are, as we are.

Peace & blessings
7L

[Imzadi]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Imzadi...I am catching up on the thread. I see a nice discussion was had by all and per usual I am generally well agreed with your perspective and your fairness and generous acceptance and interaction with others where you differ. But I also find I have some agreement with all who shared here...a very nice discussion.

BTW the bolded above is literally something that could have (and kinda has) come straight out of my mouth. Maybe not all the Spiderman stuff, LOL, as I am used to handling this reaction in myself but definitely I get the bolded bits and I think many of us do. IMO, what you are saying is that you are repelled when you feel your full humanity is not "seen" and honoured, or when others approach you from a place that does not seek to engage you as a person, as a soul. And that is a 100% natural response, in my book.

I think as you say you have come to a different place on your journey, and you are not interested in unwanted projections of lust, nor does it in any way feed the ego or any of that. There is a real beauty in the ownership and discipline of our energy and our being, where we can each and all come to a common space without trying to feed off or overtake each other's energy, but rather where we appreciate the luminous gems we each are, as we are.

Peace & blessings
7L

Wow, thanks for those insights 7L! I think it is easy for people objectify each other particularly when romantic and sexual desires may be involved. There's a certain constricting energy that is projected that causes the object of their desires to feel stifled and suffocated. Also as you said, they are not honoring who their objects of desire are as human beings/souls but simply wishing for them to fulfill some fantasy they wish to live out. For some people, there may also be a bit of arrogance involved that can be aggressive and repulsive.

For instance, I use to get people (this happened multiple times) who say this a lot after I respectfully declined their amorous intentions, "but you are so cute." There is an obvious and glaring lack of logic as if to imply that just because they think I'm cute, they are entitled to have me... Do they walk around the world feeling this entitled? Spoiled much? My being cute or not cute is none of their business. The most challenging type are the ones that gets angry when they can't get what they want and this could be potentially dangerous.

I think overall, I am starting to learn to differentiate better between harmless advances and harassment. If at all possible to diffuse a situation with calm, logic, and compassion, that's great. When it gets to a point where my boundaries are violated and my safety (emotional or otherwise) may be jeopardized then it is best to proactively and assertively disconnect. Being "kind" in these scenarios does not do anyone any good. Gotta rip off the band-aid and run as far as possible, LOL.

With all that being said though, I know that as we progress further in the raising of Consciousness, we will begin to see each other more as the magnificent Divine Sparks that we truly are and less through the lenses of the ego and its insecurities, fears, fantasies, and desires. :)

Much Love and Blessings to ALL! <3

[angelic star]

Thats very interesting that someone addressed this, as I have struggled with such projections in the past. I feel that ultimately these projections, unwanted for sure had helped me understand myself more, and has also given me courage of my own nature. Sometimes people think they will make you like them or in time make you fall for them or emotionally attach in some sense. That is not easy for anyone to do. Unless there is consent and surrender, one sided attentions can never last. Sometimes people take others as a challenge , chasing becomes a challenge but it's not so easy to figure someone out and no one can make anyone just like them. There is no win in gaining someone's attention, because there might be no love, and lust is not love. People play games with themselves and they think someone else can be a part of it. When you know you are not game for it, there is no fear in it for you. It has to be mutual and there has to be a deep surrender from both ends for there to be any sort of real connection. For any intelligent person it cannot be something coming out of force, or out of lust.
For me at one time, it stopped being about restraint and fear and repulsion, disgust about unwanted attention. The moment I knew that unless there is allowance, no one has any power , I became less reactive and more in control of myself, and I smile to myself about these others. It matters less now what someone projects onto me, unless I make allowance for it, it cannot leave any impact from them to me. So projection of someone has no importance once you know yourself well. Letting go of restraint, fear, worry is the best way to care less and sometimes even emotionally be fine within. You can then begin to see the foolishness of all of it and perhaps laugh about it :)

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

Wow, thanks for those insights 7L! I think it is easy for people objectify each other particularly when romantic and sexual desires may be involved.

There's a certain constricting energy that is projected that causes the object of their desires to feel stifled and suffocated. Also as you said, they are not honoring who their objects of desire are as human beings/souls but simply wishing for them to fulfill some fantasy they wish to live out.

For some people, there may also be a bit of arrogance involved that can be aggressive and repulsive.

For instance, I use to get people (this happened multiple times) who say this a lot after I respectfully declined their amorous intentions, "but you are so cute." There is an obvious and glaring lack of logic as if to imply that just because they think I'm cute, they are entitled to have me... Do they walk around the world feeling this entitled? Spoiled much? My being cute or not cute is none of their business. The most challenging type are the ones that gets angry when they can't get what they want and this could be potentially dangerous.

I think overall, I am starting to learn to differentiate better between harmless advances and harassment. If at all possible to diffuse a situation with calm, logic, and compassion, that's great.

When it gets to a point where my boundaries are violated and my safety (emotional or otherwise) may be jeopardized then it is best to proactively and assertively disconnect. Being "kind" in these scenarios does not do anyone any good. Gotta rip off the band-aid and run as far as possible, LOL.

With all that being said though, I know that as we progress further in the raising of Consciousness, we will begin to see each other more as the magnificent Divine Sparks that we truly are and less through the lenses of the ego and its insecurities, fears, fantasies, and desires. :)

Much Love and Blessings to ALL! <3

Imzadi - hello!
Absolutely.
And in the meantime, it sounds like you are striking a good balance between being kind but firm if being disrespected (i.e., when you are not seen in your full humanity)...and drawing hard boundaries and distancing if you are being aggressively harassed or if you might be at risk.

I actually don't think it's easy to dehumanise others...I think it takes work to strip away their humanity and to not care to relate to them as they are. But I agree for many, this is where they are and it's about control and domination, hence dehumanisation and fantasising. Rather than taking time to get to know you and simply meet you where you are, as you are. So given a different starting point, perhaps some effort is required by many to meet others in their humanity...because they have to break out of a habitual rut and change.

Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by angelic star

Thats very interesting that someone addressed this, as I have struggled with such projections in the past. I feel that ultimately these projections, unwanted for sure had helped me understand myself more, and has also given me courage of my own nature. Sometimes people think they will make you like them or in time make you fall for them or emotionally attach in some sense. That is not easy for anyone to do. Unless there is consent and surrender, one sided attentions can never last. Sometimes people take others as a challenge , chasing becomes a challenge but it's not so easy to figure someone out and no one can make anyone just like them. There is no win in gaining someone's attention, because there might be no love, and lust is not love. People play games with themselves and they think someone else can be a part of it. When you know you are not game for it, there is no fear in it for you. It has to be mutual and there has to be a deep surrender from both ends for there to be any sort of real connection. For any intelligent person it cannot be something coming out of force, or out of lust.
For me at one time, it stopped being about restraint and fear and repulsion, disgust about unwanted attention. The moment I knew that unless there is allowance, no one has any power , I became less reactive and more in control of myself, and I smile to myself about these others. It matters less now what someone projects onto me, unless I make allowance for it, it cannot leave any impact from them to me. So projection of someone has no importance once you know yourself well. Letting go of restraint, fear, worry is the best way to care less and sometimes even emotionally be fine within. You can then begin to see the foolishness of all of it and perhaps laugh about it :)

Wise words, and quite true.
Perhaps you'll laugh at it and perhaps you'll just , hahaha

Peace & blessings
7L

[Shinsoo]

For some people, there is nothing more exciting or attractive, than a person who provides a challenge.

[angelic star]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Wise words, and quite true.
Perhaps you'll laugh at it and perhaps you'll just , hahaha

Peace & blessings
7L

Hahahaha yeah perhaps its good to just to hahaha

[Imzadi]

Angelic star and 7L,

I'm trying to and LOL. I suppose I am using this opportunity (to the best of my ability) to cultivate my own inner peace, balance, and sense of humor. It's a work in progress... Thanks for the inputs and wise words. =)

Trinitydown,

I think you may be right. Some people see it as a way to "score" and "win" particularly if their object of desire appears unattainable. >_<